I have struggled with this for the past few months: how will I ever love another child as much as I love Nathaniel? It is just not possible. Then today, I found this, and I had to share it.
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
- Author unknown
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Orange- 15 weeks!!
OK, I know. I really need to get better about this. I am feeling better now, as the morning sickness seems to have subsided. Every few days I feel a bit nauseated, but not as bad as it was a few days ago. I am not sleeping though, and I feel every bit of that. I go to bed when Nathaniel does (around 8 or 8:30) but am always up by 3 am. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
As for that little stinker, we are trying to break him of our very bad habit of sleeping in our bed. Yes, our very bad habit. We let it happen, we deal with the concequences. Rather, I deal with the consequences. Pat isn't home at night, so I deal with this all by myself. Last night was about 1 1/2 hours of crying that he wanted me, but he finally fell asleep at 9ish. Unfortunately, he woke up at 3 and came into my room. I was getting ready to take him back to his room when he told me he was wet. And boy was he! So his bed was also wet. Can't make the kid sleep on a wet bed, so where did he go? Yeah, my bed. He never went back to sleep though, which means that I didn't either. And I stayed up late last ngiht to try to sleep later today. Hopefully I will get a nap in later....
OK, now for the new little one. Our anatomy scan is schedueld for March 1st, when I will be just shy of 22 weeks. Stupid doctor won't listen to me and keeps telling me I am two weeks behind that. Whatever. Just do that damn scan. So we are looking forward to that. Started a registry at Target, mainly so that I can keep track of the things I want and the things I like. I won't put clothes on there though. I see no point in that. Most of what's on there is diapers and wipes. There's also a sit and stand stroller, so that Baby, Nathaniel and I can all go out together. (The day I don't have a stroller for Nathaniel is the day he will want to be in it all day! I am planing our first trip to the zoo and hope to use the stroller then.) Anyway, most companies will give you a coupon to finish buying the things on your registry, so that's why I made one. It's been fun to do it, but so much harder when you don't know yet what you're having. But I do have the advantage of knowing what worked for me before and what didn't. On to development:
15 Weeks Pregnant
While baby’s moving a ton on the inside, you might be moving a ton -- between the sheets. Now that you’re at 15 weeks, you’re probably feeling very high energy, and that means high libido, too. Your partner isn’t feeling nearly as frisky? That’s totally normal too. Let’s face it, the thought of baby being so close while you two are, um, doing the deed, can freak a guy out. Remind him that baby has no idea what’s going on -- and, as long as your OB hasn’t given you any activity restrictions -- sex won’t hurt baby or threaten your pregnancy. Of course, you might be dealing with some not-so-sexy pregnancy symptoms during week 15, like nosebleeds, stomach issues and swollen gums, so if you’re not feeling up to sex, it’s completely understandable.
your baby's the size of a navel orange!
The average fetus at 15 weeks weighs 2.5 ounces and measures 4 inches -- and his proportions are becoming even more normal, since his legs now outmeasure his arms.
your baby at 15 weeks
You probably can't feel it yet, but she's squirming a ton!
She might even be hiccuping in there.
She's making lots of progress: her joints and limbs can all move now.
Oh, I forgot to mention one small thing. Well huge actually. I look like I am about 6 months pregnant instead of 3. When people say that you show much faster with the second, they sure as shit weren't kidding!! I have about 2 inches left in my winter coat! It's scary and awesome all at the same time. I will try to get a picture in here later. Perhaps one of me 6 months with Nathaniel so you can compare the two. It's crazy!!!!
As for that little stinker, we are trying to break him of our very bad habit of sleeping in our bed. Yes, our very bad habit. We let it happen, we deal with the concequences. Rather, I deal with the consequences. Pat isn't home at night, so I deal with this all by myself. Last night was about 1 1/2 hours of crying that he wanted me, but he finally fell asleep at 9ish. Unfortunately, he woke up at 3 and came into my room. I was getting ready to take him back to his room when he told me he was wet. And boy was he! So his bed was also wet. Can't make the kid sleep on a wet bed, so where did he go? Yeah, my bed. He never went back to sleep though, which means that I didn't either. And I stayed up late last ngiht to try to sleep later today. Hopefully I will get a nap in later....
OK, now for the new little one. Our anatomy scan is schedueld for March 1st, when I will be just shy of 22 weeks. Stupid doctor won't listen to me and keeps telling me I am two weeks behind that. Whatever. Just do that damn scan. So we are looking forward to that. Started a registry at Target, mainly so that I can keep track of the things I want and the things I like. I won't put clothes on there though. I see no point in that. Most of what's on there is diapers and wipes. There's also a sit and stand stroller, so that Baby, Nathaniel and I can all go out together. (The day I don't have a stroller for Nathaniel is the day he will want to be in it all day! I am planing our first trip to the zoo and hope to use the stroller then.) Anyway, most companies will give you a coupon to finish buying the things on your registry, so that's why I made one. It's been fun to do it, but so much harder when you don't know yet what you're having. But I do have the advantage of knowing what worked for me before and what didn't. On to development:
15 Weeks Pregnant
While baby’s moving a ton on the inside, you might be moving a ton -- between the sheets. Now that you’re at 15 weeks, you’re probably feeling very high energy, and that means high libido, too. Your partner isn’t feeling nearly as frisky? That’s totally normal too. Let’s face it, the thought of baby being so close while you two are, um, doing the deed, can freak a guy out. Remind him that baby has no idea what’s going on -- and, as long as your OB hasn’t given you any activity restrictions -- sex won’t hurt baby or threaten your pregnancy. Of course, you might be dealing with some not-so-sexy pregnancy symptoms during week 15, like nosebleeds, stomach issues and swollen gums, so if you’re not feeling up to sex, it’s completely understandable.
your baby's the size of a navel orange!
The average fetus at 15 weeks weighs 2.5 ounces and measures 4 inches -- and his proportions are becoming even more normal, since his legs now outmeasure his arms.
your baby at 15 weeks
You probably can't feel it yet, but she's squirming a ton!
She might even be hiccuping in there.
She's making lots of progress: her joints and limbs can all move now.
Oh, I forgot to mention one small thing. Well huge actually. I look like I am about 6 months pregnant instead of 3. When people say that you show much faster with the second, they sure as shit weren't kidding!! I have about 2 inches left in my winter coat! It's scary and awesome all at the same time. I will try to get a picture in here later. Perhaps one of me 6 months with Nathaniel so you can compare the two. It's crazy!!!!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Lemon! 14 weeks
So time seems to be going pretty quickly now, which is a good thing. We had our genetic testing done on Thursday, and the u/s tech said that everything looked good. We just have to wait for the bloodwork to come back. This will give us our "odds" of having a baby with Down Syndrome, as well as trisomy 13 and 18. (both near fatal birth defects.) When we had it done with Nathaniel, our odds were extremely low... like that of a healthy 21 year old. Not bad for an "old lady" with diabetes. Being diabetic increases the risks, as does being an older mom, since women are born with all the eggs they will ever have. So all my eggs are 37 too.
During the ultrasound, we got to see baby waving at us. Pat was really excited to see him/her, because he hasn't been able to before. ANother appointment coming up on Wednesday, with Dr. A. And I don't go back to UIC for 3 weeks, thank goodness.
We have scheduled our anatomy scan for March 1, which is 54 days away. I am very excited to see if we're having a girl or another boy. If I got to choose, I would pick another boy, but so long as the baby is healthy, nothing else really matters. And the baby and Nathaniel will be sharing a room for a few years regardless of girl or boy. Obviously, they will share for a lot longer if we have another boy. And, since the sex of the baby is determined by the sperm, we have genetics on our side. There hasn't been a girl born into Pat's family in 60 years!
Anyway, here's what going on inside this week, according to the bump:
Hungry much? Now that you’re not feeling so queasy, you’re probably enjoying eating. A lot. Plus, you’re fueling baby’s growth -- which is happening at super speed at 14 weeks. Be sure to keep plenty of healthy snacks by your side just in case you get the munchies. It’s important -- for you and for baby -- that you don’t indulge in too many greasy, fatty foods, so you’re both getting the right nutrients. (Of course, the occasional bowl of ice cream is totally okay.) And we just wanted to remind you: eating for two doesn’t mean doubling your calorie intake. Not only have you gotten your appetite back at week 14, but you’ve probably also gotten some of your energy back, too. If you found yourself shying away from exercise during trimester one, it’s time to get back on track. Go take a walk!
your baby's the size of a lemon!
At week 14, your baby is 3.4 inches and 1.5 ounces, he's almost doubled in weight since last week and keeps on growing.
Share this with family and friends
your baby at 14 weeks
He's probably sucking his thumb and wiggling his toes in there!
His kidneys are making urine, and his liver and spleen are doing their jobs, too.
And he's growing lanugo, a thin, peach-fuzz-like hair, all over his body -- it will help him keep warm!
During the ultrasound, we got to see baby waving at us. Pat was really excited to see him/her, because he hasn't been able to before. ANother appointment coming up on Wednesday, with Dr. A. And I don't go back to UIC for 3 weeks, thank goodness.
We have scheduled our anatomy scan for March 1, which is 54 days away. I am very excited to see if we're having a girl or another boy. If I got to choose, I would pick another boy, but so long as the baby is healthy, nothing else really matters. And the baby and Nathaniel will be sharing a room for a few years regardless of girl or boy. Obviously, they will share for a lot longer if we have another boy. And, since the sex of the baby is determined by the sperm, we have genetics on our side. There hasn't been a girl born into Pat's family in 60 years!
Anyway, here's what going on inside this week, according to the bump:
Hungry much? Now that you’re not feeling so queasy, you’re probably enjoying eating. A lot. Plus, you’re fueling baby’s growth -- which is happening at super speed at 14 weeks. Be sure to keep plenty of healthy snacks by your side just in case you get the munchies. It’s important -- for you and for baby -- that you don’t indulge in too many greasy, fatty foods, so you’re both getting the right nutrients. (Of course, the occasional bowl of ice cream is totally okay.) And we just wanted to remind you: eating for two doesn’t mean doubling your calorie intake. Not only have you gotten your appetite back at week 14, but you’ve probably also gotten some of your energy back, too. If you found yourself shying away from exercise during trimester one, it’s time to get back on track. Go take a walk!
your baby's the size of a lemon!
At week 14, your baby is 3.4 inches and 1.5 ounces, he's almost doubled in weight since last week and keeps on growing.
Share this with family and friends
your baby at 14 weeks
He's probably sucking his thumb and wiggling his toes in there!
His kidneys are making urine, and his liver and spleen are doing their jobs, too.
And he's growing lanugo, a thin, peach-fuzz-like hair, all over his body -- it will help him keep warm!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
A beautiful song
When I was on the net this morning, someone on my mommy club posted this video. It's just so beautiful, and I had to share it.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Vacation
I have been wanting to get away for a while. There has been so much on my mind lately... so much more than I can write here. SO, although we completely and totally could NOT afford to do so, Pat, Nathaniel and I checked into a hotel last night. Not that we went far or anything. We stayed at the hotel that Pat and I had our reception. We got there a little after 4 pm and by 4:45, we were in the pool.
Nathaniel had a blast!!! He was jumping in the pool (into our arms, of course) and splashing us like crazy! As we enjoyed the warm pool, we looked outside and saw that it was snowing. It was really fun to be swimming, watching snow swirl around outside.
We swam until 5:45ish, and then got out to go to dinner. I love going to Allgauer's for dinner. Their food is so good. (It's in the hotel, which was great. As I mentioned, it was snowing and therefore cold.) We called Pat's sister, Marci, to come swim with us, since she's home from school on winter break. She came while we were having dinner, and then we went swimming again.
Nathaniel was none too keen on putting on a cold, wet swimsuit, but he was quite happy when we got back downstairs. We swam again for about another hour, but I was miserable and couldn't get warm even in the water. So I got out and wrapped a huge towel around myself.
The only downside was that the first time we were in the pool. Pat's job caled and told him he needed to be in at 9 this morning. (Instead of working overnight.) I was so bummed because we were really looking forward to a lazy morning and sleeping in. But it all worked out.
We got up this morning around 7 and then had breakfast (again in the hotel restaurant. I got the bed and breakfast price when I booked the hotel.) The food was again just awesome. I had an omlette and some sausage and bacon. Even had a buscuit and gravy, but they were not as good as I was hoping and it made my blood sugar really high. SO I won't be having that again.
All in all, we had a fantastic time though. On a side note, Nathaniel was absolutely exhausted by his vacation. He fell asleep for his nap about 12:30 this afternoon, and despite the numerous times I woke him up, he sleot until nearly 5:30!!!
It was a great way to end our Christmas break!!!!
Nathaniel had a blast!!! He was jumping in the pool (into our arms, of course) and splashing us like crazy! As we enjoyed the warm pool, we looked outside and saw that it was snowing. It was really fun to be swimming, watching snow swirl around outside.
We swam until 5:45ish, and then got out to go to dinner. I love going to Allgauer's for dinner. Their food is so good. (It's in the hotel, which was great. As I mentioned, it was snowing and therefore cold.) We called Pat's sister, Marci, to come swim with us, since she's home from school on winter break. She came while we were having dinner, and then we went swimming again.
Nathaniel was none too keen on putting on a cold, wet swimsuit, but he was quite happy when we got back downstairs. We swam again for about another hour, but I was miserable and couldn't get warm even in the water. So I got out and wrapped a huge towel around myself.
The only downside was that the first time we were in the pool. Pat's job caled and told him he needed to be in at 9 this morning. (Instead of working overnight.) I was so bummed because we were really looking forward to a lazy morning and sleeping in. But it all worked out.
We got up this morning around 7 and then had breakfast (again in the hotel restaurant. I got the bed and breakfast price when I booked the hotel.) The food was again just awesome. I had an omlette and some sausage and bacon. Even had a buscuit and gravy, but they were not as good as I was hoping and it made my blood sugar really high. SO I won't be having that again.
All in all, we had a fantastic time though. On a side note, Nathaniel was absolutely exhausted by his vacation. He fell asleep for his nap about 12:30 this afternoon, and despite the numerous times I woke him up, he sleot until nearly 5:30!!!
It was a great way to end our Christmas break!!!!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Peach- 13 weeks- Second trimester!
So, I am 13 weeks today, and Thank God! am starting to feel a little better. I completely and utterly despise going to UIC for appointments with the high risk OB, but I will suffer through them. Here's what's going on this week, according to thebump.com
Yay! It’s the last week of the first trimester and you did it. We’re not just talking about getting through those work meetings without falling asleep (or puking!), we’re talking about how you’ve completed one whole third of your pregnancy -- and the reputed toughest one at that. You’ve grown a fetus that has vocal cords, teeth and even fingerprints (wow!) and you probably kept this incredible news (mostly) secret while you constantly wished you could shout it from the rooftops -- or, at the very least, use it as an excuse for getting to work late. It’s about this time that many parents-to-be start spreading the word (to more people than just close family and friends) that there’s a baby on the way. But know that there are no hard and fast rules about when you should divulge your secret. It could be after your next prenatal doctor visit, once you start showing or at a big family event where everyone will be gathered. Or maybe everyone already knows! That’s totally your call.
your baby's the size of a peach!
She's about 2.9 inches long and weighs about .81 ounces, and -- proportion-wise -- her head's now about 1/3 the size of her body (remember? It used to be bigger!).
Share this with family and friends
your baby at 13 weeks
Can you believe she's forming vocal cords and teeth?!
And even though she's still teeny, she already has fingerprints.
Her intestines are moving from the umbilical cord to their more permanent place, in her tummy.
Yay! It’s the last week of the first trimester and you did it. We’re not just talking about getting through those work meetings without falling asleep (or puking!), we’re talking about how you’ve completed one whole third of your pregnancy -- and the reputed toughest one at that. You’ve grown a fetus that has vocal cords, teeth and even fingerprints (wow!) and you probably kept this incredible news (mostly) secret while you constantly wished you could shout it from the rooftops -- or, at the very least, use it as an excuse for getting to work late. It’s about this time that many parents-to-be start spreading the word (to more people than just close family and friends) that there’s a baby on the way. But know that there are no hard and fast rules about when you should divulge your secret. It could be after your next prenatal doctor visit, once you start showing or at a big family event where everyone will be gathered. Or maybe everyone already knows! That’s totally your call.
your baby's the size of a peach!
She's about 2.9 inches long and weighs about .81 ounces, and -- proportion-wise -- her head's now about 1/3 the size of her body (remember? It used to be bigger!).
Share this with family and friends
your baby at 13 weeks
Can you believe she's forming vocal cords and teeth?!
And even though she's still teeny, she already has fingerprints.
Her intestines are moving from the umbilical cord to their more permanent place, in her tummy.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Christmas
Oh, wow, Christmas was wonderful! Santa was so very good to Nathaniel, and so was our family. Suffice it to say that Nathaniel will not be bored while at home with me this week. Just a few pictures to share:
Before the Unwrapping
The car from Grandma
Rock and Roll Mickey:
And, hopefully, a video of Nathaniel looking for and opening his Mickey, the present he has been asking for since before Halloween!
Before the Unwrapping
The car from Grandma
Rock and Roll Mickey:
And, hopefully, a video of Nathaniel looking for and opening his Mickey, the present he has been asking for since before Halloween!
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