So simple, but...

It's such a simple concept. but so very hard to master. Portion control.

But I'm getting there.

Now, it's not for lack of trying before, When I tried before it always ended in failure. I was hungry. And then I got mean. And then I got ugly. But there was always more food so it didn't matter. I could go have more.

And I did. Always. After filling my plate and gulping down my food, I wanted more. Didn't matter that my stomach was already over full and I was bloated. Didn't matter that I physically hurt from eating more. There was more food available and I wanted it. First world problem if ever, right?

And then I grew up and became a mom. I swore that I would take care of myself, for the sake of my kids. But there was still food available. And I wanted it. It didn't matter to me that I am diabetic. That my clothes didn't fit. That my kids would probably get made fun of because their mom is so fat. That I was slowly committing suicide by food. It was there and I wanted it.

And then I left my job, and stopped collecting a paycheck. Suddenly, a scary thought came to me. What if there isn't always more food? And even worse, what if there wasn't enough to feed my kids?

And portion controlling is becoming my way of life. I'm not sad about this. I'm actually happy. I make a lot of casseroles now. But there's so much in a pan. Old me would've left it on the table and picked at it all night long, consuming at least 3 servings, if not more. Now, I put some on my plate, serve the kids their dinner, and either put some on a plate for Pat (for later) or let him get his. When everyone is done eating (including seconds, I put way less on my plate now) I pack it up. It does not sit on the table.

Tonight, for example, was chicken spaghetti (from pinterest. It was only ok.) We ate about a third of the dish. The rest has already been packed into a dollar store tin with a lid and is cooling off before it goes into the freezer. So for the price of one dinner, we have two. I've done this with several casseroles and recipes I've made the past few weeks. It's something I am actually proud of.

So why am I telling you about this? Because in the last week I have lost 6 pounds. Now, when you have to lose a entire person, 6 pounds may seem like nothing. But to me, it's a pretty big fucking deal. I intend to make the most of this. It makes me want to do more. I am going to try to exercise now too. I wish I could just ride my bike, but without a trailer I can't. (What would I do with the kids?) I know that sounds like an excuse, but it's not. It's fact. But I'm going to try.

Because soon I want to type that I've lost 60 pounds, not just 6. It may take a while, but dammit, I've lost 6 pounds!

Sick of Eating Eggs

So, every morning since the beginning of November, I have had eggs for breakfast. Why? you may ask. Because they don't drive up my blood sugar. (Insulin resistance during pregnancy is hardest to control in the morning, due to the build up of hormones whilst sleeping.)

I am so sick and tired of eating eggs. I swear to God that after this baby is born, it will be a long damn time before I eat them again. Now, obviously it's not the only thing that I can eat. It's just that they're quick, easy and cheap. Plus, I can share them with Nathaniel, so he has a little bit to eat before he goes to school. (He does eat breafast there.)

I really need to find some low carb options for breakfast that doesn't include cheeseburgers. Or fruit. Because sadly, fruit will raise my sugars too high.

As I sit here typing this, I am reminded that I made a huge crock pot of chili last night. I guess I could have a bowl of that for breakfast. I am trying my best to eat healthily, but it doesn't always work out that way.

And speaking of not healthy, we went out for breakfast as we normally do on Sunday mornings. I normally get the Denver omlette with cheese. But I just couldn't do the eggs. (It even made me a little sick to look at Pat's plate of eggs.) I ordered strawberry crepes. They were probably some of the worst crepes I have ever had, but OMG did they taste good!!!

Anyway, off to find some news ideas for breakfast.

A Lot of Randoms

So, where to begin? I took Nathaniel back to daycare last week, and as I posted, I felt really guilty. He got scratched bad his first day back and Pat and I were livid. So he is now going to a new school 3 days a week and is in the daycare 2 days a week. He's only staying there until I can get him in full time at the new place. I never felt that our provider didn't keep him safe enough, but it happened at least once a week (a bite, hitting, or scratch) and enough was enough for us. It certainly wasn't how we thought it would go, but it is what it is. N is happy at the new place, I just worry that I've traded once biter for 20.

I am starting a new school year myself. Yes, already. School starts Monday and I am actually in my classroom now, having lunch, waiting for the afternoon meetings to start. Yesterday was very difficult for me. I could NOT stay awake during the meetings and such. I really missed my nap. I am doing ok right now, but I guarantee I am taking a nap tomorrow!!!

I have also discovered that the Meatball subs from Subway do not taste good on the honey oat bread. Feeling a little disappointed by that one.

I am trying to make plans (meal plans) for next week, since I will be dog tired. Pat is off Monday, which will help a lot. I told him he had to make dinner that night. So we'll either have peanut butter and jelly or we'll go out. I am really hoping we go out. I want to really strive towards a goal of 25 pounds lost. Just 25. I'll worry about the rest later. I just want to lose 25. Of course, that means no more meatball subs, but I can get other subs made into a salad. So keep reading for updates on that 25 pound goal.

What else? I am kinda looking forward to the next school year (the one that has started for us teachers). I just have that fresh new school year feeling. The one that you just feel so full of hope and excitement. I didn't have that last year or the year before, so I am happy that I feel this way again.

I guess I just feel like everything is coming together for us. And for me. There is a lot of uncertainty that has been settled, and that's a great feeling. So long as I can get my health issues together (again, no more meatball subs) everything else should be gravy. (Mmm, gravy...)

It's gonna be an exciting next year!