SO, life got super crazy about three weeks ago. My younger sister grabbed her stuff, picked up my nephew from school, and ran from her abusive boyfriend. They are now living with us, and my nephew is going to school here. Adding two people to our house has been quite an adjustment, to say the least. Veronica has been having huge separation issues since they came, and Nathaniel has been acting out at home. (Not at school though, thankfully!) But I think things are finally settling down. Going back to school has helped my nephew calm down and has definitely helped my kids. Life is normal for them between 8:15 and 3:30.
My sister goes to court on Wednesday (3 days) to have the restraining order made permanent. She has already filed paperwork to get full custody. Eventually, she plans to move to Colorado with my older sister. That would be a great place for both of them.
But for now, they're both safe and well fed and what seems to be happy. I'm glad that I was in a position to be able to help. I shudder to think about what would have happened if I hadn't been here. After watching her call shelter after shelter and get turned down because they had no space... all those women who had to run away. It makes me sick that we as a society need the shelters for women, but the fact that they have to turn people away is just horrendous.
And now on to other things... I have officially applied for my retirement money. Sadly, it takes about 6 weeks for them to process it. That puts it right at 10 days before Christmas it should arrive. I am hoping to get it sooner. We are just broke. I don't know how to make any more ends meet. Foodwise we're ok. I went shopping for the month. And my sister has a link card, so if we need things later in the month, we'll be ok. But paying the bills is completely different, and Pat is starting a new job next week, so I have no idea when he'll be getting a paycheck.
And on the 101 things front, I have completed a few more. I have lost 50 pounds, which is fucking amazing!!!!! Some of it was baby weight, but after I gave birth to Veronica, I still had 30 pounds of the 55 I had gained with her stuck to me like glue. (So I lost 20 when she was born.) but I have lost 30 of those pounds now. I have to look up my list and see what else I have accomplished. Time is running out.
Showing posts with label life in general. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life in general. Show all posts
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
25 Hours From Now
I have about 25 hours left of my teaching career. I really can't wait to not be here or in any classroom for that matter. It's become really bad.
But even amongst the horror, there has always been some light. My colleauges. They are amazing people. They gave me flowers yesterday and a card. I knew I would cry when I read the card, so I waited until I got home to open it. Imagine my surprise when cash fell out. They had taken up a collection for me since I am leaving. They aer genuinely thoughtful people, and I think they are what's kept me going the last year. It surely hasn't been the students I had.
But I do have plans for next week, since both kids are going to day care. (I think after 19 years in education I deserve a week to myself, right?) I am going to spend one day doing some freezer cooking. I have about 18 recipes (and some of them are doubled) that can be assembled and then frozen to throw in the crock pot. I also intend to stock the pantry with a lot of non-perishables. I plan to spend close to $400.
Why? Becuase I'm terrified that my decision to leave and not have a job will mean that my kids will go hungry. If Pat and I don't eat dinner every night, we'll both be fine. (Perhaps even better off.) But I can't allow my kids to have that problem. And with them both eating table food now, and Nathaniel eating all three meals at home (he was having breakfast and lunch at school) I need to find ways to make sure they eat.
This summer, we'll be going to the farmer's market and stocking up on fruits- some to eat right away and some to freeze. Same with veggies. (Plus I found a "reduced to sell quick" section at one of the grocery stores last night that had great looking veggies for 50 cents a pound. That's a lot of green beans and zucchini! Bags of potatoes -that I can bake and freeze right away- for 99 cents.)
I think the fear of my kids going hungry is greater than the fear of being 39 with diabetes and no insurance. I should be able to pull out all of my retirement (minus the taxes and penalties, but you gotta do what you gotta do) and that should help us live for a while. Especially when we'll be saving over $1200 a month by not sending both kids to full time day care. Nathaniel will go to preschool 5 days a week, but it costs $360/month, as opposed to $220/week for day care for him and $180/week for Veronica. So that should help.
Pat keeps pushing me to apply for a teaching position in other districts, but I can't. I don't want to. I don't want to be near any children but my own for a looooong time. He just doesn't fucking get it. It hit me as to why when I was in the shower this morning. He's never held a job for 5 years, let alone 10. Nor has he been in the same industry for more than 5 years. I've been teaching for 19. That's got to be why he doesn't get it. And frankly, it pisses me the fuck off that he can quit his job and everything is supposed to be ok, but I quit mine and it's the end of the world. I secretly hate him for that.
But again, I digress. I've got my shopping lists made for next week and the kids' parties are planned. All I need to get for that is the food, which is really no big deal. And I have to print the invitations. I ordered everything from designers on Etsy this year, since it will be the first and only time they have separate themed parties. HIs is Mario Bros. and Veronica's is 1-der the Sea. OMG did her invites turn out cute!!! I serached for a long time befiore I settled on a design that I really liked. I hope to add pictures, but since it's still a month away, it will take some time.
So yeah, this turned out to not be about my 25 hours left, but about the hours, days, weeks and months afterwards. I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life. I just have to have faith that this was the right time and the right decision. Wish me luck!
But even amongst the horror, there has always been some light. My colleauges. They are amazing people. They gave me flowers yesterday and a card. I knew I would cry when I read the card, so I waited until I got home to open it. Imagine my surprise when cash fell out. They had taken up a collection for me since I am leaving. They aer genuinely thoughtful people, and I think they are what's kept me going the last year. It surely hasn't been the students I had.
But I do have plans for next week, since both kids are going to day care. (I think after 19 years in education I deserve a week to myself, right?) I am going to spend one day doing some freezer cooking. I have about 18 recipes (and some of them are doubled) that can be assembled and then frozen to throw in the crock pot. I also intend to stock the pantry with a lot of non-perishables. I plan to spend close to $400.
Why? Becuase I'm terrified that my decision to leave and not have a job will mean that my kids will go hungry. If Pat and I don't eat dinner every night, we'll both be fine. (Perhaps even better off.) But I can't allow my kids to have that problem. And with them both eating table food now, and Nathaniel eating all three meals at home (he was having breakfast and lunch at school) I need to find ways to make sure they eat.
This summer, we'll be going to the farmer's market and stocking up on fruits- some to eat right away and some to freeze. Same with veggies. (Plus I found a "reduced to sell quick" section at one of the grocery stores last night that had great looking veggies for 50 cents a pound. That's a lot of green beans and zucchini! Bags of potatoes -that I can bake and freeze right away- for 99 cents.)
I think the fear of my kids going hungry is greater than the fear of being 39 with diabetes and no insurance. I should be able to pull out all of my retirement (minus the taxes and penalties, but you gotta do what you gotta do) and that should help us live for a while. Especially when we'll be saving over $1200 a month by not sending both kids to full time day care. Nathaniel will go to preschool 5 days a week, but it costs $360/month, as opposed to $220/week for day care for him and $180/week for Veronica. So that should help.
Pat keeps pushing me to apply for a teaching position in other districts, but I can't. I don't want to. I don't want to be near any children but my own for a looooong time. He just doesn't fucking get it. It hit me as to why when I was in the shower this morning. He's never held a job for 5 years, let alone 10. Nor has he been in the same industry for more than 5 years. I've been teaching for 19. That's got to be why he doesn't get it. And frankly, it pisses me the fuck off that he can quit his job and everything is supposed to be ok, but I quit mine and it's the end of the world. I secretly hate him for that.
But again, I digress. I've got my shopping lists made for next week and the kids' parties are planned. All I need to get for that is the food, which is really no big deal. And I have to print the invitations. I ordered everything from designers on Etsy this year, since it will be the first and only time they have separate themed parties. HIs is Mario Bros. and Veronica's is 1-der the Sea. OMG did her invites turn out cute!!! I serached for a long time befiore I settled on a design that I really liked. I hope to add pictures, but since it's still a month away, it will take some time.
So yeah, this turned out to not be about my 25 hours left, but about the hours, days, weeks and months afterwards. I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life. I just have to have faith that this was the right time and the right decision. Wish me luck!
Monday, October 8, 2012
So I Guess It's Been A While
What can I say? I've been busy. I don't even know the last time I entered anyhting on this blog. THere's just been so much going on lately. More than that I guess is the fact that I've just been so damn tired every day.
I went back to work the first day of school in August and it's been pretty much non stop since then. I have had a very difficult time adjusting my time and patience with working and being a mom. If I'm honest with myself, it's been fucking terrible.
The first day of school, I came home and cried. I told Pat that chase could take the house, but I wasn't going back to work. And it wasn't becuase I missed my children. I did, obviously, but I knew they were safe and happy. It was just that I hated the students in my classroom.
The second day, I made Pat take us out for dinner and I got drunk. Yeah, that bad.
The third day, Nathaniel was acting out really bad and I had just had it. I got up and tore after him, ready to yell and scream at him. He stood there, terrified out of his mind saying "No Mommy, no!" That was the end of that. I just sooped him up and cried and cried.
Since then, I have left all the school bullshit at school. It's been much better since then.
SO that's that.
Veronica is now over 3 months old. I can't believe how much faster the time is going this time than it did when Nathaniel was a baby. She (other than today) is an incredible baby. Since she was 6 weeks old, she's slept all night. She goes to bed around 8 and sleeps until 6:30. I often have to wake her so that she can eat breakfast before she goes to daycare.
Nathaniel decided about 2 months ago that he was done using diapers. He started by peeing twice at school and then I sent him in underwear two days later. That was it. He's had maybe 4 accidents since then, and he even sleeps in underwear at night. He is so good at going on the toilet that you'd think he'd been doing it all his life.
Pat is doing well. Working long hours for crap pay, but at least he's employed. That's kind of all we ask for now. I mean, everyone works long hours and doesn't make enough money, right?
As for me, well, I have started Atkins again. I lost 7 pounds last week. I;m sure it would have been more if I had exercised and drank more water. I have to do better this week. ALso, my high school reunion was this past weekend. I went to the football game, but didn't bother to go to the actual reunion. With our budget being so tight, I couldn't justify spending $150 for Pat and I to sit at Balmoral race track with a bunch of people I didn't like 20 years ago.
God, 20 years. Where has it gone?
But, after the game, I was able to leave the school with my head held high and on my own terms. I feel like that part of my life has finally ended and I can close the book on all that shit. Then, I went to go get something to eat, since the salad I had eaten wasn't enough. I stopped at Micky's to get a patty melt ad fries. Oh, how I love those fries! I sat in the drive thru and they made me wait. While waiting, the theme from Rocky came on. How many more signs did I need? I did not order anything to eat. I was able to pass up fries and junk food. I was (am) very proud of myself. I was even able to resist it all weekend long.
Coming up we have a very busy month full of tempting junk food. The week is Pat and my 4th aniversary, and we will be going out to get something to eat. The weekend after that is Pumpkin Fest in our town. We'll be going and Nathaniel is very excited about going on his hat ride. The weekend after that is both Larry's 6th birthday party and Amber's confirmation party. Then it's Halloween- candy. If I can get through this month, it should be smooth sailing.
Wish me luck!
I went back to work the first day of school in August and it's been pretty much non stop since then. I have had a very difficult time adjusting my time and patience with working and being a mom. If I'm honest with myself, it's been fucking terrible.
The first day of school, I came home and cried. I told Pat that chase could take the house, but I wasn't going back to work. And it wasn't becuase I missed my children. I did, obviously, but I knew they were safe and happy. It was just that I hated the students in my classroom.
The second day, I made Pat take us out for dinner and I got drunk. Yeah, that bad.
The third day, Nathaniel was acting out really bad and I had just had it. I got up and tore after him, ready to yell and scream at him. He stood there, terrified out of his mind saying "No Mommy, no!" That was the end of that. I just sooped him up and cried and cried.
Since then, I have left all the school bullshit at school. It's been much better since then.
SO that's that.
Veronica is now over 3 months old. I can't believe how much faster the time is going this time than it did when Nathaniel was a baby. She (other than today) is an incredible baby. Since she was 6 weeks old, she's slept all night. She goes to bed around 8 and sleeps until 6:30. I often have to wake her so that she can eat breakfast before she goes to daycare.
Nathaniel decided about 2 months ago that he was done using diapers. He started by peeing twice at school and then I sent him in underwear two days later. That was it. He's had maybe 4 accidents since then, and he even sleeps in underwear at night. He is so good at going on the toilet that you'd think he'd been doing it all his life.
Pat is doing well. Working long hours for crap pay, but at least he's employed. That's kind of all we ask for now. I mean, everyone works long hours and doesn't make enough money, right?
As for me, well, I have started Atkins again. I lost 7 pounds last week. I;m sure it would have been more if I had exercised and drank more water. I have to do better this week. ALso, my high school reunion was this past weekend. I went to the football game, but didn't bother to go to the actual reunion. With our budget being so tight, I couldn't justify spending $150 for Pat and I to sit at Balmoral race track with a bunch of people I didn't like 20 years ago.
God, 20 years. Where has it gone?
But, after the game, I was able to leave the school with my head held high and on my own terms. I feel like that part of my life has finally ended and I can close the book on all that shit. Then, I went to go get something to eat, since the salad I had eaten wasn't enough. I stopped at Micky's to get a patty melt ad fries. Oh, how I love those fries! I sat in the drive thru and they made me wait. While waiting, the theme from Rocky came on. How many more signs did I need? I did not order anything to eat. I was able to pass up fries and junk food. I was (am) very proud of myself. I was even able to resist it all weekend long.
Coming up we have a very busy month full of tempting junk food. The week is Pat and my 4th aniversary, and we will be going out to get something to eat. The weekend after that is Pumpkin Fest in our town. We'll be going and Nathaniel is very excited about going on his hat ride. The weekend after that is both Larry's 6th birthday party and Amber's confirmation party. Then it's Halloween- candy. If I can get through this month, it should be smooth sailing.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
People Suck
I know the old expression about people and their opinions. It's just so true. Everyone does have one, and they usually stink.
I was expressing to my friends today about my poor boy being sick again. It sucks, but what can you do? It's not like I can pull him out of the petri dish known as day care. I can't stay home with him all the time, much as I'd like to. There is nothing wrong with a two year old that gets sick twice in four months. He has a high fever yes. But I trust that the doctor knows what he is doing. (And I take that knowing that doctors "practice" medicine.)
But who the fuck are you to tell me that my son needs more tests done? I thought that asshole who assumed there was something wrong with him was dead. Just because you took classes to become a CNA does NOT mean that you can diagnose my child nor does it mean that you have the medical training necessary to determine that more tests need to be done.
I'm glad that your kid wasn't that sick when he was two. Did it ever occur to you that it might be because your parents were taking care of him and he wasn't in day care? Must be nice to have gotten knocked up when you were a teenager and since you were so incredibly incapable of taking care of your responsibilities and going to school you left your biggest responsibility to someone else! I don't have that luxury. Pat and I work damn hard for what we have, and Nathaniel is OUR responsibility and it is our JOY to care for him. Unfortunately, that means he has to go to day care, which is, by the way, a place that he LOVES to go. He loves his teachers and they love him and he loves his friends. He is a great kid and I know that I won't be bitching about how terrible he is and how he won't listen to me when he's 9, 10, and 11.
I never judged a person for getting pregnant so young, but honey, now you've earned it.
I thank God and the creator of facebook for the "unfriend" button. It worked wonders for me today.
I was expressing to my friends today about my poor boy being sick again. It sucks, but what can you do? It's not like I can pull him out of the petri dish known as day care. I can't stay home with him all the time, much as I'd like to. There is nothing wrong with a two year old that gets sick twice in four months. He has a high fever yes. But I trust that the doctor knows what he is doing. (And I take that knowing that doctors "practice" medicine.)
But who the fuck are you to tell me that my son needs more tests done? I thought that asshole who assumed there was something wrong with him was dead. Just because you took classes to become a CNA does NOT mean that you can diagnose my child nor does it mean that you have the medical training necessary to determine that more tests need to be done.
I'm glad that your kid wasn't that sick when he was two. Did it ever occur to you that it might be because your parents were taking care of him and he wasn't in day care? Must be nice to have gotten knocked up when you were a teenager and since you were so incredibly incapable of taking care of your responsibilities and going to school you left your biggest responsibility to someone else! I don't have that luxury. Pat and I work damn hard for what we have, and Nathaniel is OUR responsibility and it is our JOY to care for him. Unfortunately, that means he has to go to day care, which is, by the way, a place that he LOVES to go. He loves his teachers and they love him and he loves his friends. He is a great kid and I know that I won't be bitching about how terrible he is and how he won't listen to me when he's 9, 10, and 11.
I never judged a person for getting pregnant so young, but honey, now you've earned it.
I thank God and the creator of facebook for the "unfriend" button. It worked wonders for me today.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Could That Be.... Happiness I Feel??
Well, I had another doctor appointment last night, with Dr. A. Baby is growing well, and is only measuring a week behind now, not two. My blood sugar levels have been great, and I don't have to go back for two weeks!!!!
I had said last night that I could finally relax and maybe get some sleep. Nope. No sleep for me again. I hate that. Tiday is going to be a really long day and I was hoping for a good night's sleep.
We have our student's holiday program today, Twice, actually. Once this morning and again this afternoon. Ugh. it's gonna suck big time.
And I think I'm getting a migraine. But, I am still happy that all is going well with the baby.
Just gotta make it until Friday afternoon.
I had said last night that I could finally relax and maybe get some sleep. Nope. No sleep for me again. I hate that. Tiday is going to be a really long day and I was hoping for a good night's sleep.
We have our student's holiday program today, Twice, actually. Once this morning and again this afternoon. Ugh. it's gonna suck big time.
And I think I'm getting a migraine. But, I am still happy that all is going well with the baby.
Just gotta make it until Friday afternoon.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Nothing
I really have nothing to write about, but I feel like I should have tons to get out. I am feeling a little down in the dumps right now, after having such a good day. I don't know what's going on in my head. I am feeling so overwhelemed with all the stuff I want to/need to do, with the result that I am not doing anything!
I haven't finished the thank you cards for Pat, I have tons of work to do for school, my house is a huge mess, and I have to take my final for my spanish class. I am nowhere near ready for that. If readiness were a state, it would be Alaska and I'd be in Florida with the old people! (Hey, it's thundering outside!)
See, no focus whatsoever. I should've started a load of laundry tonight. But I didn't. I will start the laundry whenever I get up tomorrow (which will be early, since Pat needs to get up). It's my goal for tomorrow. I would also love to vacuum the living room and take the leaves out of the dining room table. Such lofty goals, huh?
Anyway, hopefully in another week, my life will return to normal and I can move on with everything else. And by that, I mean to make a schedule and follow it, plus a more realistic cleaning plan.
I haven't finished the thank you cards for Pat, I have tons of work to do for school, my house is a huge mess, and I have to take my final for my spanish class. I am nowhere near ready for that. If readiness were a state, it would be Alaska and I'd be in Florida with the old people! (Hey, it's thundering outside!)
See, no focus whatsoever. I should've started a load of laundry tonight. But I didn't. I will start the laundry whenever I get up tomorrow (which will be early, since Pat needs to get up). It's my goal for tomorrow. I would also love to vacuum the living room and take the leaves out of the dining room table. Such lofty goals, huh?
Anyway, hopefully in another week, my life will return to normal and I can move on with everything else. And by that, I mean to make a schedule and follow it, plus a more realistic cleaning plan.
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