Turkey club sandwiches on jalepeno and cheese bagels are AWESOME!!!!!
Nathaniel wanted to go to the muffin store yesterday, but we didn't have any time. We had some extra time this morning, so we went. He got his usual chocolate muffin, and I got my lunch. Pat got 2 blueberry muffins, because he was able to go with too! So nice when that happens.
Anyway, I ordered my sandwich, knowing that I wouldn't have time to eat it until lunch, but let me tell you. It is good! I am trying to watch the carbs, but this is split between breakfast and lunch, so number wise I am ok. I just should have eaten half at breakfast and half at lunch.
Tonight, I am grilling steak and corn on the cob. I'll probably make a potato for Pat, but plan on filling my plate with veggies. I am trying really hard with the carb thing. I am doing better. I am eating eggs for breakfast, a bowl of honey nut cheerios for lunch, and then a moderately healthy dinner. Today I had yogurt for breakfast and the bagel for lunch, so I really have to avoid those carbs for dinner.
I would also like to cut out the caffeine. The only time I was ever successful with that was when I was pregnant with Nathaniel. oh, how those first few days without it hurt! The withdrawal headaches were killer! But I know I don't need that in my life. The only time it gets diffiuclt is when we go out to eat. What else do you drink when you don't drink pop or alcohol? I can't do lemonade or tea, because it's not diet (too much sugar). And I feel like I'm 5 when I order milk. So water it is. Maybe I should carry some Crystal light packs with me to have flavored water. Hmm...
Um, how did my bagel sandwich get me here? I think I'm losing my mind nd I am sure it's only going to get worse. Oh well.
Showing posts with label random ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random ramblings. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
100th Entry
Really? Is that all? It seems like I've been pouring my heart out here for a lot longer than 100 posts. Wait... TV shows get a huge cake when they hit 100 episodes. Where's my cake? Maybe next week, on my birthday.
Jeez, I'm going to be 37 next week. When did I get that old? I mean, it's not old, but wasn't I just 25 a few weeks back? I still can't believe how much my life has changed in the past few years, but to say that I'm close to 40. I have a young child at home... how could I be in my late 30's?
OK, this wasn't supposed to be a birthday vent. This is a celebration post.
100 entries about stuff no one gives a shit about.
100 entries about paying off my debt (which is going pretty well, I might add).
100 entries about how much I love my family (or hate them, depending on my mood).
100 entries about how this time the diet will work. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!)
100 entries about the 101 things I will do in 1,001 days. If I had done one for every post, I would be just about done, but I am nowhere near it.
I do enjoy writting in this blog though. It gives me space to be me, whether you like it or not. It gives me the space I need to get stuff off my chest, so that I don't explode. I feel like this is my chance to talk to other adults, since I don't get to do that every day (even when Pat comes home before bed!)
It gives me the opportunity to do something while I wait. (And I am waiting again...)
Hopefully I haven't bored anyone to death and if I have, it will do no good to apologize now, so I won't. You know, cuz you're dead and stopped reading this long ago. You wouldn't read my apology anyway.
I am very proud of myself for the things I have aaccomplished this year. I am on a road to financial recovery, and I am in a much better mental state because I can swear as much as I want to when I am here. I get things off my chest and I confide in you, dear reader, things I would probably never say aloud. You can say them to me, and I will run and delete and then deny it, but whatevs.
Bottom line: I feel like Popeye. I am what I am and that's all that I am. I am free here, and no one can take that from me.
(And just so you know, even though the blog count says 95, I have a few entries that I never finished, so this is technically my 100th. Maybe that's why there's no cake!)
Jeez, I'm going to be 37 next week. When did I get that old? I mean, it's not old, but wasn't I just 25 a few weeks back? I still can't believe how much my life has changed in the past few years, but to say that I'm close to 40. I have a young child at home... how could I be in my late 30's?
OK, this wasn't supposed to be a birthday vent. This is a celebration post.
100 entries about stuff no one gives a shit about.
100 entries about paying off my debt (which is going pretty well, I might add).
100 entries about how much I love my family (or hate them, depending on my mood).
100 entries about how this time the diet will work. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!)
100 entries about the 101 things I will do in 1,001 days. If I had done one for every post, I would be just about done, but I am nowhere near it.
I do enjoy writting in this blog though. It gives me space to be me, whether you like it or not. It gives me the space I need to get stuff off my chest, so that I don't explode. I feel like this is my chance to talk to other adults, since I don't get to do that every day (even when Pat comes home before bed!)
It gives me the opportunity to do something while I wait. (And I am waiting again...)
Hopefully I haven't bored anyone to death and if I have, it will do no good to apologize now, so I won't. You know, cuz you're dead and stopped reading this long ago. You wouldn't read my apology anyway.
I am very proud of myself for the things I have aaccomplished this year. I am on a road to financial recovery, and I am in a much better mental state because I can swear as much as I want to when I am here. I get things off my chest and I confide in you, dear reader, things I would probably never say aloud. You can say them to me, and I will run and delete and then deny it, but whatevs.
Bottom line: I feel like Popeye. I am what I am and that's all that I am. I am free here, and no one can take that from me.
(And just so you know, even though the blog count says 95, I have a few entries that I never finished, so this is technically my 100th. Maybe that's why there's no cake!)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Eye Doc, Bills, and "Hookey"
I went to the eye doctor yesterday. For the past few days, there has been an irritant in my left eye. I was afraid that it was a shard of glass from when my vase broke on Sunday. Fortunately, he didn't see anything in my eye. However, my body is reacting to something, sending white blood cells to my eye, forming little white bumps under my eyelid. So I have antibiotics for the next week, as well as warm compresses for the next five days or so.
Immediately after the first dose of antibiotics, my eye started feeling better. Thank God for that, but I can't wear my contacts for a week, which blows. We were planning to go away this weekend to Starved Rock. How am I going to spend an entire weekend outside without sunglasses?? Well, the mail took care of that worry.
After getting home from the doctor, (an unexpected $50 spent- when you include my lunch at Panda Express since I had to wait for my prescription) I got the mail. In the mail was the gas bill, the cable bill, the water bill, a red light ticket for Pat, and the tax bill. Now we can afford to pay all these bills, but there goes our vacation. I am most afraid of the tax bill. We don't have enough in our escrow to cover that. We are short about $600. How does the second installment of taxes double from the first installment? It's the 2010 bill, not even this year! I have no idea how this will impact our mortgage payments. That really worries me.
It's not like we went out and found a house that was way overpriced and that we knew we coulnd't afford. We knew exactly what we could afford and that's what we bought. So why do I have the feeling that we are in financial dire straits? Plus, when Pat figures this out (or if I tell him why I am so freaked) there is no way he will agree to have another child... or even try.
I really, really want that. Even if we don't have another baby, I want to try until the end of this year. That way, I can say I did everything I could to have another one.
I accept what is, but I can't help but worry about it anyway. Is there anything that I can do to change what is? No. Will worrying about it take it away? No.
After this weekend, some of my other stressors will be gone. I am staying home today (to rest my eye, hence the hookey) and I am hoping to get my Spanish final done as well as the rest of the thank you notes from Pat's dads funeral. Get that monkey off my back once and for all. I also want to go shopping for groceries for next week, since I took the money out of the bank this morning. I know that I'll spend it on other stuff if it stays in my wallet. I also have to get a few birthday cards and an anniversary card.
I have nothing to give to Pat for our anniversary, and that makes me feel like crap. He doesn't understnad why it bothers me so much. I know that I provide him with dinner every night, and he has clean clothes and a place to lay his head every night. But I would do that for him anyway. How do I show him that I really and truly do love him? I know that the actions of the other 364 days show him that, but our anniversary is such a special day to me. I'm sure I'll come up with something. Maybe just bake another apple pie.
Immediately after the first dose of antibiotics, my eye started feeling better. Thank God for that, but I can't wear my contacts for a week, which blows. We were planning to go away this weekend to Starved Rock. How am I going to spend an entire weekend outside without sunglasses?? Well, the mail took care of that worry.
After getting home from the doctor, (an unexpected $50 spent- when you include my lunch at Panda Express since I had to wait for my prescription) I got the mail. In the mail was the gas bill, the cable bill, the water bill, a red light ticket for Pat, and the tax bill. Now we can afford to pay all these bills, but there goes our vacation. I am most afraid of the tax bill. We don't have enough in our escrow to cover that. We are short about $600. How does the second installment of taxes double from the first installment? It's the 2010 bill, not even this year! I have no idea how this will impact our mortgage payments. That really worries me.
It's not like we went out and found a house that was way overpriced and that we knew we coulnd't afford. We knew exactly what we could afford and that's what we bought. So why do I have the feeling that we are in financial dire straits? Plus, when Pat figures this out (or if I tell him why I am so freaked) there is no way he will agree to have another child... or even try.
I really, really want that. Even if we don't have another baby, I want to try until the end of this year. That way, I can say I did everything I could to have another one.
I accept what is, but I can't help but worry about it anyway. Is there anything that I can do to change what is? No. Will worrying about it take it away? No.
After this weekend, some of my other stressors will be gone. I am staying home today (to rest my eye, hence the hookey) and I am hoping to get my Spanish final done as well as the rest of the thank you notes from Pat's dads funeral. Get that monkey off my back once and for all. I also want to go shopping for groceries for next week, since I took the money out of the bank this morning. I know that I'll spend it on other stuff if it stays in my wallet. I also have to get a few birthday cards and an anniversary card.
I have nothing to give to Pat for our anniversary, and that makes me feel like crap. He doesn't understnad why it bothers me so much. I know that I provide him with dinner every night, and he has clean clothes and a place to lay his head every night. But I would do that for him anyway. How do I show him that I really and truly do love him? I know that the actions of the other 364 days show him that, but our anniversary is such a special day to me. I'm sure I'll come up with something. Maybe just bake another apple pie.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Voices Won't Stop!
The voices in my head won't stop talking to me. I am going nuts with the lack of sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I can't seem to shut off my mind. There are just so many things running around in there, and it seems they have the space to do it! It's 11:45 pm, and I plan on getting up at 6 tomorrow morning so that I can get to work early. I have tons of stuff to do there too. None that I really want to do though.
I have been really struggling with this school year. It started out great but went to shit pretty quick. I don't want to be there, and I really don't feel like I like any of my students. I would hate for Nathaniel to ever have a teacher that feels like that, and I am trying to remind myself of that every day. I pray that God helps me to be the teacher that my students need, but it doesn't seem to happen for me. I have been looking to schools to see what else I can do with my life, but what kind of job security will that give me? What about spending time with Nathaniel? Right now, I get to sepnd a lot of time with him, and I love that. And I really do like teaching, I enjoy it overall, but I am just struggling this year. And that sucks because behaviorally, my class is pretty good. Academically, they want to try (ok, well most of them). So obviously, the problem is me.
I am also feeling quite overwhelmed by debt right now. I know that I'm getting an extra paycheck this month, which will help greatly, but I still have the mortgage, daycare (both of them) electric, gas, credit cards and everything else to pay for and I just feel like I am just barely treading water. I know in the back of my head (somewhere) that we have enough to pay for our bills. But until I actually get everything paid, it will be on my mind. This is not conducive to sleep, however.
I am hopeful that soon my mind will calm down and allow me to sleep peacefully and deeply, and restfully.
I have been really struggling with this school year. It started out great but went to shit pretty quick. I don't want to be there, and I really don't feel like I like any of my students. I would hate for Nathaniel to ever have a teacher that feels like that, and I am trying to remind myself of that every day. I pray that God helps me to be the teacher that my students need, but it doesn't seem to happen for me. I have been looking to schools to see what else I can do with my life, but what kind of job security will that give me? What about spending time with Nathaniel? Right now, I get to sepnd a lot of time with him, and I love that. And I really do like teaching, I enjoy it overall, but I am just struggling this year. And that sucks because behaviorally, my class is pretty good. Academically, they want to try (ok, well most of them). So obviously, the problem is me.
I am also feeling quite overwhelmed by debt right now. I know that I'm getting an extra paycheck this month, which will help greatly, but I still have the mortgage, daycare (both of them) electric, gas, credit cards and everything else to pay for and I just feel like I am just barely treading water. I know in the back of my head (somewhere) that we have enough to pay for our bills. But until I actually get everything paid, it will be on my mind. This is not conducive to sleep, however.
I am hopeful that soon my mind will calm down and allow me to sleep peacefully and deeply, and restfully.
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