Day One... I'm dead

So I have made a commitment to my online mom's group and will be doing the 30 day shred every day in September (except for the first. I didn't find the DVD until late afternoon.). I did it this morning. I thought I was going to die. At some points in the workout, I wanted to. It was 20 minutes of pure fucking hell.

But I did it!! I threw up twice, but I did it! I went to 7-11 afterwards and got a banana and a diet pepsi. I figured I had EARNED that pop. And to be honest, I threw up once I was in the shower. I can't quite describe how proud of myself I am. Not just for getting through it, but for doing it at all.

I woke up this morning around 7:30, which was so nice. No one was up yet. I figured that the kids would sleep until 8, and Pat won't wake up until the bomb goes off, so I was going to get up and get it done. You know, start the day off really shitty and then it gets better from there.

But that's not what happened. When I was in the bathroom, Veronica woke up and Pat went to go get her. As he did, Nathaniel woke up. Everyone was awake and my I-only-need-20-minutes-to-get-this-done was gone. I know me. There was no way I was going to exercise in front of Pat. (I think it's a fear that he will realize just how fat and unattractive I am and leave, although I know that won't happen.) But I hate it. I want the acknowledgement of pride from people, but I don't want them to see the ugly part. I brought back tons of teen years angst and a feeling of never being good enough. So I now had the perfect excuse to not do it. And I knew it!

Fate intervened and Pat went out to mow the lawn after breakfast. For a while, I sat on my ass watching tv (food network, ironically). But then I thought, he's outside, he won't know. So I put in the DVD. Nathaniel exercised with me for a while, which made me happy. He was having fun. He liked the butt kicks. He cracked himself up kicking his own butt. I love that he was excited.

So, later today, I am going to have Pat take some pictures of me as my before, God help me. October 1st, I will have him take some more, for after pics. I'm really looking forward to it. (And if I'm to tell the truth, mid October I will be going to my old school and seeing the teachers. I'd really love to be down some pounds by then. I want to know that I look great and I want to feel that I look great and I want them to acknowledge how good I am doing without them.)

Soaked!

So, I have been trying to eat better, and I just can't seem to break my old habits. I'd say my bad habits, but all my habits are pretty much bad, so... kinda pointless to add that.

But, after eating enough to make myself ill (although I wasn't, it was just enough to do it) I decided that Nathaniel and I would go for a walk. We walked a good long time. We were about 30 minutes into our walk (and therefore 30 minutes away from the house) when I heard the first rumble of thunder.

Yeah, it was about to rain. We turned around where we were and started heading back home faster than we had left. It didn't really help. About 3 blocks from home, the heavens opened up and soaked us. Nathaniel loved it. Of course he would, he was under the stroller shade. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky. I was soaking wet by the time we got home. It was a nice cool shower, but it would have been more welcome if I was closer to home and not wearing jeans.

You all know what wearing wet jeans is like, right?

We got home and I went to enter the garage, since I had the stroller. Of course, when I go to enter the password for the door, I have no clue what it is. Why can't husbands choose a number that means something to all persons who have to open the door, not just themselves?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I think I got wetter standing there than I did while walking back to the house.

I got Nathaniel to bed for a nap and by the time I had done that (which takes 5 minutes including the diaper change) it had completely stopped raining. Ugh.

But, I will admit, it was a lot of fun walking in the rain. I recommend it to everyone.

The Summer Of Walking

So I am calling this my "summer of walking." We live so close to the library and grocery store, and park, so I am hoping that (other than doctor appointments and things that we will have to drive to) we can walk everywhere this summer.

We walked to the library already. We went tonight, pulling the wagon. Nathaniel loved it. We signed up for our library's summer reading program. I have to read 25 books to Nathaniel (what will we do next week?) and I have to read for 40 hours. My darling hubby told me that would be no problem. I could get it done in a day! Good thing he's cute, right?

So, hopefully, all this walking will help get me healthier, too.

Why did I think it would be better in the basement?

Pat picked up Nathaniel from daycare today so that I could do some errands after school today. (And I was successful with those!) So, since I got home before them, I decided that I would go ahead and work out before dinner. Brilliant thinking on my part, right? So I did the Zumba basic and it was HELL. I knew that after sitting on the couch for so long, it would be hard, but I really did enjoy it. Pat and Nathaniel came home and came downstairs to see me. Let's just say that Pat enjoyed it, the perv. Nathaniel loves music, so he was dancing too. I finished up my workout and then went to go upstairs. Um, didn't I just work my legs really hard? Yeah, that was me. I lifted my leg to put it on the bottom step and BAM! That stuff hurt! What was I thinking?

But, I made it up the stairs and now I get to make dinner. I really don't want to eat. Maybe that's a good thing. Working out may just be a heck of an appetite suppressant.

Done in by two tiny batteries

Yesterday, while I was visiting my mom and sister, I asked Pat to hook up the new DVD player to the basement tv so I could work out. He did, and I was really excited this morning to be able to work out when Nathaniel was in bed. I got home from work, really damn tired and the last thing I wanted to do was workout. But, after Nathaniel was in bed, I changed into some workout clothes and went downstairs. I put in Zumba and although I had NO desire to do so, pressed play on the DVD player. It took me through the introduction and then back to the main menu. OK, I wanted to go on to the basic workout. But, the only buttons on the unit are stop, play/pause, open, and power. There is no way to fast forward or go to the next chapter unless you use the remote. ANd no, it didn't have batteries. All I needed was 2 AAA batteries and I would have done the workout.

I am kinda pissed at myself for this, because I knew I bought the cheapest player I could find, but I didn't expect it to be that cheap. I am also mad that I didn't read the box yesterday when I bought it. Ugh.

So, here I am, on the first day, and I didn't even work out. Done in by two tiny batteries. Now I jsut want to go to bed. I am tired and I am afraid that since I didn't work out today, I won't do it tomorrow either. Boy, I could really use some support. Someone needs to come and kick my ass so that I exercise. Tomorrow I will!

Apparently, I am a moron and other random thoughts

I can't even begin to describe how idiotic I feel right now. Today is Parent Teacher conferences, and I am on the teacher end. (Have to wait a few years to be on the parent end.) Anyway, I got my report cards ready today and began conferences. One student came in and I gave the student his report card, and expressed my sincerest apologies to the parent because the students got D's in Reading, Language Arts, and Health. Granted, I don't teach that student those classes, but the student is an A and B student-- a really smart kid. So, they left to talk to the reading teacher and they were crying- Mom, the student, the translator. I go on with another conference and see this student waiting to talk to me again. So I ask them back in and they explain to me that I had given that student the wrong report card! I have never been so embarrassed in my life! I have been teaching for 15 years and that has never happened! I felt so stupid and I just kept apologizing to the family and the student. I hope I can live this one down eventually.

On a more positive note, I wore make up to work today, so if I do it for the next 9 school days, I can check another task off my list- wear make-up to school every day for 2 weeks. It took longer thanI had hoped to get ready this morning, but I also put mousse in my hair and used the blow dryer. Nathaniel looked at it like it was soemthing he'd never seen before. I can believe that, actually. Who wants to spend all that time doing that? There's no one that I am trying to impress. But maybe if I start doing it regularly, I can do it all the time. Did that remind anyone else of exercising? Yeah, it's in the works.

When we get our tax refund, I want to get a new tv for the bedroom (which will end up being a new tv for the living room, and the living room one goes to the bedroom, and the bedroom one goes to the basement). Um, so in that roundabout way, I will get a TV and DVD player for the basement so I can work out. I bought the Zumba DVD's and they are fun, but it's really hard to dance like tht in gym shoes on carpet. Since there's tile downstairs, I can do it easier down there. Plus, I won't have the embarrassment of doing it where people could see me. Maybe I'll look at Costco this weekend for a new tv.