What can I say? I've been busy. I don't even know the last time I entered anyhting on this blog. THere's just been so much going on lately. More than that I guess is the fact that I've just been so damn tired every day.
I went back to work the first day of school in August and it's been pretty much non stop since then. I have had a very difficult time adjusting my time and patience with working and being a mom. If I'm honest with myself, it's been fucking terrible.
The first day of school, I came home and cried. I told Pat that chase could take the house, but I wasn't going back to work. And it wasn't becuase I missed my children. I did, obviously, but I knew they were safe and happy. It was just that I hated the students in my classroom.
The second day, I made Pat take us out for dinner and I got drunk. Yeah, that bad.
The third day, Nathaniel was acting out really bad and I had just had it. I got up and tore after him, ready to yell and scream at him. He stood there, terrified out of his mind saying "No Mommy, no!" That was the end of that. I just sooped him up and cried and cried.
Since then, I have left all the school bullshit at school. It's been much better since then.
SO that's that.
Veronica is now over 3 months old. I can't believe how much faster the time is going this time than it did when Nathaniel was a baby. She (other than today) is an incredible baby. Since she was 6 weeks old, she's slept all night. She goes to bed around 8 and sleeps until 6:30. I often have to wake her so that she can eat breakfast before she goes to daycare.
Nathaniel decided about 2 months ago that he was done using diapers. He started by peeing twice at school and then I sent him in underwear two days later. That was it. He's had maybe 4 accidents since then, and he even sleeps in underwear at night. He is so good at going on the toilet that you'd think he'd been doing it all his life.
Pat is doing well. Working long hours for crap pay, but at least he's employed. That's kind of all we ask for now. I mean, everyone works long hours and doesn't make enough money, right?
As for me, well, I have started Atkins again. I lost 7 pounds last week. I;m sure it would have been more if I had exercised and drank more water. I have to do better this week. ALso, my high school reunion was this past weekend. I went to the football game, but didn't bother to go to the actual reunion. With our budget being so tight, I couldn't justify spending $150 for Pat and I to sit at Balmoral race track with a bunch of people I didn't like 20 years ago.
God, 20 years. Where has it gone?
But, after the game, I was able to leave the school with my head held high and on my own terms. I feel like that part of my life has finally ended and I can close the book on all that shit. Then, I went to go get something to eat, since the salad I had eaten wasn't enough. I stopped at Micky's to get a patty melt ad fries. Oh, how I love those fries! I sat in the drive thru and they made me wait. While waiting, the theme from Rocky came on. How many more signs did I need? I did not order anything to eat. I was able to pass up fries and junk food. I was (am) very proud of myself. I was even able to resist it all weekend long.
Coming up we have a very busy month full of tempting junk food. The week is Pat and my 4th aniversary, and we will be going out to get something to eat. The weekend after that is Pumpkin Fest in our town. We'll be going and Nathaniel is very excited about going on his hat ride. The weekend after that is both Larry's 6th birthday party and Amber's confirmation party. Then it's Halloween- candy. If I can get through this month, it should be smooth sailing.
Wish me luck!
