So, where to begin? I took Nathaniel back to daycare last week, and as I posted, I felt really guilty. He got scratched bad his first day back and Pat and I were livid. So he is now going to a new school 3 days a week and is in the daycare 2 days a week. He's only staying there until I can get him in full time at the new place. I never felt that our provider didn't keep him safe enough, but it happened at least once a week (a bite, hitting, or scratch) and enough was enough for us. It certainly wasn't how we thought it would go, but it is what it is. N is happy at the new place, I just worry that I've traded once biter for 20.
I am starting a new school year myself. Yes, already. School starts Monday and I am actually in my classroom now, having lunch, waiting for the afternoon meetings to start. Yesterday was very difficult for me. I could NOT stay awake during the meetings and such. I really missed my nap. I am doing ok right now, but I guarantee I am taking a nap tomorrow!!!
I have also discovered that the Meatball subs from Subway do not taste good on the honey oat bread. Feeling a little disappointed by that one.
I am trying to make plans (meal plans) for next week, since I will be dog tired. Pat is off Monday, which will help a lot. I told him he had to make dinner that night. So we'll either have peanut butter and jelly or we'll go out. I am really hoping we go out. I want to really strive towards a goal of 25 pounds lost. Just 25. I'll worry about the rest later. I just want to lose 25. Of course, that means no more meatball subs, but I can get other subs made into a salad. So keep reading for updates on that 25 pound goal.
What else? I am kinda looking forward to the next school year (the one that has started for us teachers). I just have that fresh new school year feeling. The one that you just feel so full of hope and excitement. I didn't have that last year or the year before, so I am happy that I feel this way again.
I guess I just feel like everything is coming together for us. And for me. There is a lot of uncertainty that has been settled, and that's a great feeling. So long as I can get my health issues together (again, no more meatball subs) everything else should be gravy. (Mmm, gravy...)
It's gonna be an exciting next year!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
The Three Year Plan
I am putting myself on what I like to call the "3 year plan." You know how when you get your credit card statements, it shows what you will pay in interest and the total if you only make the minimum payment? And below that it shows you what you could pay a month to pay off the card in three years? That is what I am doing.
I am going to cut the cards (ouch!) and stop using them. I am also going to have to stay the Hell away from Target. I think it's almost to the point of being in need of an intervention.
I need to do this now to prepare for our future. I feel confident that I can so this. It coincides with the time that Nathaniel will go to Kindergarten. Imagine being debt free the same time you stop paying for daycare! What we will do with the extra money???
We have already made a plan for Christmas. During September, October and November, we will both put aside $200. That will give us $1200 for Christmas, which is more than sufficient for all our familes, Nathaniel's teachers, and food for Christmas dinner. This way, we (I) won't have to use the credit cards.
Hoping that I can be successful in this new venture.
I am going to cut the cards (ouch!) and stop using them. I am also going to have to stay the Hell away from Target. I think it's almost to the point of being in need of an intervention.
I need to do this now to prepare for our future. I feel confident that I can so this. It coincides with the time that Nathaniel will go to Kindergarten. Imagine being debt free the same time you stop paying for daycare! What we will do with the extra money???
We have already made a plan for Christmas. During September, October and November, we will both put aside $200. That will give us $1200 for Christmas, which is more than sufficient for all our familes, Nathaniel's teachers, and food for Christmas dinner. This way, we (I) won't have to use the credit cards.
Hoping that I can be successful in this new venture.
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Chance to Sit and Think
I finally have a moment to reflect on the past few days/weeks. I have this as I struggle with my own guilt. I took (sent) Nathaniel back to day care a week early. I know that he was bored with just being with me, so I am glad that he's back with other kids... but I feel so guilt for being home when he's not here. It makes me feel like a failure. Like I am not a great mom (or even a good mom) because I couldn't spend the whole summer with him. I have (and had) so much that I needed to get done this summer, and not of it has been accomplished. So that is what I will be doing this week. I have things planned as a list for every day this week. I'm looking forward to cleaning and getting rid of a bunch of old things. But that will come later. First, I need to clean out my own head.
First, my sister came to visit. I love when she comes to town. She stays here with us, and I take her to my mom's and shopping, etc. It's a good time, and Nathaniel loves to have comapny. However, this time was different. I got really sick... no, not of her but of the way we eat when we are together. I know my weaknesses and she knows hers. But there is something so almost disfunctional about us being together. We eat horribly. After only 2 days, I was so sick and felt like absolute garbage. I guess I came to Jesus again. I can't eat like that.
We enable each other. That needs to stop for both our sakes. I really hope that the next time she visits, I am a stronger person and can refuse the foods that she can only get here. (Especially since I had just gone to the doctor and I know better!)
Another thing that's been weighing on my mind has been my quest for another child. I have said it a million times before that if Nathaniel was the only child I ever have, then I am far more blessed than I ever deserved to be. I truly do believe that. I have come to terms with the fact that he will be my only child. I lvoe him, and I want him to have everything he needs. Right now, we can do that. I know (hope) that I meet all his emotional, physical, and mental needs. But if he's our only, I can meet his financial needs too.
It's not all about the money. I don't mean for it to sound like that. But there is a certain sense of peace that comes with knowing that he doesn't have to been saddled with student loans when he graduates from college. Or knowing that he won't have to work full time so that he can focus on his education.
I also (selfishly) really like being able to sleep again. I wouldn't be able to do that with another newborn. And I remember how incredibly difficult it was for the first 6 months of his life. Yes, I loved him like crazy, but I couldn't and didn't adjust well. So again, I am at peace with being one and done.
And speaking of that, we were able to go out this weekend and buy him his new big boy bed. He is getting a full size bed, and we are so excited about redoing his room. OK, I am excited. Pat just goes along with it. I will be taking pictures soon.
Another part of my brain decluttering was physically decluttering. I got rid of almost all of Nathaniel's baby clothes, all the bottles, and a lot of the toys. I still have the high chair and the crib, and the crib will be harder for me to pass on to someone else. I am hoping to sell it. We're not ready to get rid of the changing table yet, but hopefully by Christmas.
I have also Have been shopping quite a bit lately. I really want to lose weight, but I've gone ahead and accpeted that my shape has changed and things aren't in the same place they used to be since having N.) The pants that I just bought are a size bigger than most of the pants I own. It makes me feel like shit, but it also makes me more comfortable. I accept myself (most days) and I am hoping that even though I went up a size, I can still be attractive and healthy.
Ah, yes, healthy. Granted, it's only 10:15 am, but I have followed Atkins all morning. Even when I didn't want to. I was so ready to stop at Burger King or McDonalds to grab breakfast this morning, but I didn't. I have to meal plan for the week, so I can go grocery shopping, because I really want to be successful. I will be more than happy to throw out or donate those new clothes if I can easily get back into my other clothes or even buy new clothes in a smaller size.
So, although there has been a lot going on, I am feeling optimistic about the future. I am hoping that this next school year can be successful for me and my students. I am hoping that my new clothes will instill a new sense of confidence in me. Because if I have confidence in how I look, then I will have confidence that I can succeed in other areas of my life.
First, my sister came to visit. I love when she comes to town. She stays here with us, and I take her to my mom's and shopping, etc. It's a good time, and Nathaniel loves to have comapny. However, this time was different. I got really sick... no, not of her but of the way we eat when we are together. I know my weaknesses and she knows hers. But there is something so almost disfunctional about us being together. We eat horribly. After only 2 days, I was so sick and felt like absolute garbage. I guess I came to Jesus again. I can't eat like that.
We enable each other. That needs to stop for both our sakes. I really hope that the next time she visits, I am a stronger person and can refuse the foods that she can only get here. (Especially since I had just gone to the doctor and I know better!)
Another thing that's been weighing on my mind has been my quest for another child. I have said it a million times before that if Nathaniel was the only child I ever have, then I am far more blessed than I ever deserved to be. I truly do believe that. I have come to terms with the fact that he will be my only child. I lvoe him, and I want him to have everything he needs. Right now, we can do that. I know (hope) that I meet all his emotional, physical, and mental needs. But if he's our only, I can meet his financial needs too.
It's not all about the money. I don't mean for it to sound like that. But there is a certain sense of peace that comes with knowing that he doesn't have to been saddled with student loans when he graduates from college. Or knowing that he won't have to work full time so that he can focus on his education.
I also (selfishly) really like being able to sleep again. I wouldn't be able to do that with another newborn. And I remember how incredibly difficult it was for the first 6 months of his life. Yes, I loved him like crazy, but I couldn't and didn't adjust well. So again, I am at peace with being one and done.
And speaking of that, we were able to go out this weekend and buy him his new big boy bed. He is getting a full size bed, and we are so excited about redoing his room. OK, I am excited. Pat just goes along with it. I will be taking pictures soon.
Another part of my brain decluttering was physically decluttering. I got rid of almost all of Nathaniel's baby clothes, all the bottles, and a lot of the toys. I still have the high chair and the crib, and the crib will be harder for me to pass on to someone else. I am hoping to sell it. We're not ready to get rid of the changing table yet, but hopefully by Christmas.
I have also Have been shopping quite a bit lately. I really want to lose weight, but I've gone ahead and accpeted that my shape has changed and things aren't in the same place they used to be since having N.) The pants that I just bought are a size bigger than most of the pants I own. It makes me feel like shit, but it also makes me more comfortable. I accept myself (most days) and I am hoping that even though I went up a size, I can still be attractive and healthy.
Ah, yes, healthy. Granted, it's only 10:15 am, but I have followed Atkins all morning. Even when I didn't want to. I was so ready to stop at Burger King or McDonalds to grab breakfast this morning, but I didn't. I have to meal plan for the week, so I can go grocery shopping, because I really want to be successful. I will be more than happy to throw out or donate those new clothes if I can easily get back into my other clothes or even buy new clothes in a smaller size.
So, although there has been a lot going on, I am feeling optimistic about the future. I am hoping that this next school year can be successful for me and my students. I am hoping that my new clothes will instill a new sense of confidence in me. Because if I have confidence in how I look, then I will have confidence that I can succeed in other areas of my life.
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