Just Chillin'

I am just sitting here, in my living room, thankful to be home. I get to spend the afternoon and early evenings with one of the coolest people on the planet, my son. To think that just by playing with him, I am shaping him into the man he will be in the future makes my heart sing.

I'm not saying that I don't get tired of playing the same games over and over, and I can't lie and say that I don't get frustrated with him at times, but I am just so happy that I get to be with him.

All his new accomplishments are incredible. We get to talk about his day, what he did in school, and if he was naughty or not. ("I not naughty Momma" I hear every day.) I tend to believe him on that.

I know that my time for enjoying this kind of evening is limited, and that makes me sad. I know that it will take a while before we settle into our new routine. I just hope that we all make it through unscathed.

Now, that said, I have to type this out. I have a secret. On Saturday, Pat and I are going for an elective ultrasound called a "gender peek." Yes, instead of waiting until Feb, 23rd, we're going to find out Saturday!!! But, just as awesome, we invitrd my mom, but haven't told her where we're going or why! (So if you read this please don't say anything to her. I want her to be completely surprised.) So, look for a gender reveal entry this week along with a week 18 update.

And one more thing... this baby is a-rockin' and a-rollin' in there!

A Half Day Off

So yesterday, Pat decides that he's going to take his Mom and Nathaniel to see (meet) his Uncle Jack, who lives on the north side. They left a little after 1, and it's now after 5. I've had the whole afternoon to myself, and I've done NOTHING!

And it was great.

Actually, I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, went to Target and looked at some more baby stuff, and then got some lunch. Came back home and ate, then took a nice, long, hot shower. It was probably one of the best showers I've had in the last three years.

I am going to miss free time. Come the end of June, it will be a long time until i have time to myself again. What, another three years? I know it won't be that long, but it will feel like it.

Unlike a lot of women, I hated the newborn phase. I had a really hard time with everything. I am hopeful that it won't be like it this time, since I know a little more about what to exoect, and I know what to look for in post-partum depression.

I had it bad with Nathaniel and hid it well. Very well apparently. Only Pat really knew, because I couldn't hide it from him.

So I guess I had better do something more constructive with the time I've got left. There's a whole list of things I want to do before the baby is born, but I am not sure how much of it will get done. Once I am off school, I will have more time to take care of these things. Nathaniel will be in school three days a week, but at least two of these days I will be at the doctor.

I know it will all work out in the end, but only if I work at it.

17 weeks- onion (a day early)

OK, so I am a day early in posting this, but I've had two doctor appointments this week, and needed to write what happened at the appointments. So, First, I saw Dr. C-B. I was quite worried, since I get "the Crazies" before every appt. She had to search for a while to find the baby's ehartbeat, but she found it and it was in the 150's. Excellent. We also talked about DECREASING my midday insulin, since I keep crashing in the afternoons. I mean, I am eating three to four snacks in the afternoon and my blood sugar won't come up over 70. So, that was good.

We also discussed wehn we would be scheduling the C-section. She said 39 weeeks. I told her that I meant at what appointment, and she said 30 weeks. So, just 13 more weeks until I find out when my baby will be born. So that was kinda cool.

Today I went to UIC and saw Dr. S. Well, first I saw the midwife and her student. Very nice. I spent more time with them than I did with the doctor. (I actually hate that.) But I got the results from our genetic testing. A 37 year old woman in good health has a risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome of 1 in 100. My risk was 1 in 4,500!!! I was ecstatic! Also, there was no signs of any chromosomal defects and all other bloodwork and stuff was great. I was so very relieved. Especially since I had been waiting for 3 weeks to find out. My fundal height was 17cm. (It is supposed to grow 1 cm a week, so it showed that I am 17 weeks pregnant.) The student found the heartbeat (a lot quicker than the doc the day before) and it was 147 and had perfect accelerations as the baby moved.

The doctor also decided to move up our anatomy scan to Feb. 23rd, instead of March 1st, so that was good. It will coincide with my doctor appointments better.

So here is the info on what's going on inside, according to the bump:

Try not to get freaked out by the numbers on your scale. At 17 weeks, baby’s working on getting stronger, and your body’s working on getting bigger. That means putting on some pounds and -- we hate to break it to you -- getting some stretch marks. Make sure you document your growing bump by taking lots of photos. Sure, you might not always feel so pretty, but one day you’re going to look back at pregnancy and reminisce (really -- we promise). You’ll also want to start figuring out some plans, like whether or not you’re going to find out baby’s gender (you should be able to soon!), and what kind of childbirth class you’d like to take. As you start making these decisions, the pregnancy will feel even more real, which is probably super exciting, but part of you is probably feeling a little nervous. After all, you’re at week 17; that’s almost halfway there and there’s still a lot left to do. Chill! You’ll get it done. Just remember not to try to do it all yourself -- ask for help!

your baby's the size of an onion!
Baby continues to beef up. Now she's about 5.1 inches long and weighs about 5.9 ounces.

your baby at 17 weeks
Her rubbery cartilage is now turning to bone.
And she's growing some meat on those bones -- putting on some fat.
She's growing a stronger, thicker umbilical cord, too.

The Simple Things

I am sitting here at home with the flu. After puking in a parking lot (a few times) last night and then running to that bathroom this morning, I knew it wasn't a return of the morning sickness.

I am feeling better now though, after watching Little House on the Prairie and then a good nap. I am even able to keep some food down, which makes me happy.

So on to these little things. I decided to make myself some lunch. I didn't really want anything in particular, so I went to the kitchen to see what we had. Peanut butter and jelly.

Is there anything better than a yummy PB+J? Especially when you're the first to dip into a brand new jar? Oh, it was just delicious! If I could, I would totally eat another one.

And other little things that are awesome... Nathaniel has decided that he loeves to watch Bugs Bunny. It just makes me smile. Sunday morning, he crawled into bed with me and Pat and watched Looney Tunes. So reminded me of my own childhood. Crawling in bed with mom and dad on a Sunday. Thank goodness that they had a king size bed!

Pat and are I going to have to save up for one. Fitting Nathaniel in bed with us is one thing, but having two jump on you is going to get tight!

At A Loss

I am just floundering here, at best. I just don't know how we are going to make it. I'm talking financially. Our mortgage payment has increased by $500 a month. Or, we can pay a $2800 deficit for our escrow (damn taxes) and then we'll only have to pay an dditional $200 a month for the mortgage. OK, we could swing that for the next few months, if we absolutely scrimp and save. (Or stop going out to eat.) But after the baby is born, I don't know how we'll make it.

Pat has cut down our cell phone plan to 700 minutes a month. That will be more than enough, considering we use around 350 a month between the two of us. We'll have to cut our tv service too, but not just yet. I am already shopping at Aldi for groceries. $50 a week.

I guess the only thing left to do is to pay just the minimum on our credit cards for the next 3 years or so, until we're done paying for daycare for two. I also think that next summer, Nathaniel will just have to stay at home with me. I am sending him to school 3 days a week this summer so thaqt his life will have some consistency, but honestly, so that I can sleep some time too. I keep freaking out about going through that new born stage again, but this time I have three people to take care of instead of just baby and me.

With Pat going to be gone all night every night, it's going to be even harder. I can't imagine how bad it's going to be once I go back to school in the fall. I keep having visions of my principal walking in my classroom to find me asleep at my desk.

I know we'll figure out a way to make this work, but I really feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and only my shoulders right now. Maybe Pat is just as worried about it as I am, but he doesn't pay any of the bills, so I don't think he even knows what's going on.

I have asked him for two months to go to the bank and get the money for the escrow. Still waiting. It was the cause of a huge fight yesterday. And I mean huge. But that was then, and this is now.

So this is just all over the place, but it does explain why I am not sleeping anymore. I hate that. I know that once we get our tax refund, we'll be in a much better position, but that seems like quite a ways away yet. I mean, I don't even have my w2's.

We'll get there eventually. Right now, I just can't see how.

My belly picture

I forgot to put this in my earlier entry. Here is a picture of me from Sunday, at 15 weeks 2 days.



By contrast, this is a picture of me when I was about 5 1/2 MONTHS pregnant with Nathaniel.



I laugh at the second picture because I was still able to fit into my regular pants, I just left them unbuttoned and unzipped and used a belly band. I did that for about 4 weeks with this one. The differences in these pregnancies just amaze me.

Avocado 16 weeks

Can I just say I hate avocados? Yuck. Slimy, nasty, baby shit green things. But this one, I love. I think I felt the baby kick me yesterday afternoon. I was getting hungry and talking with a colleague when there was a definite jump in my tummy. It was awesome. I didn't feel Nathaniel until after 20 weeks. I have heard that second timers feel everything earlier, because you are able to recognize it for what it is, so I am thinking I'm right.

In 28 days, I will be halfway through this final pregnancy. Actually, more than halfway, since I will have a repeat C-section before 39 weeks. Scary!!! No appointments this past week, or the week before, so it's been kinda nice. I do have two next week though. One with Dr. C-B at the regular OB's office and one at UIC. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate going there? I should get the results from my NT scan though. I am assuming that if they haven't called with any news on that, then they can't be that bad, right?

What's going on in there:
Stay on the lookout for some fluttering sensations in your abdomen. It might not be right at 16 weeks, but pretty soon you’ll start feeling baby moving around in there. At first those moves might feel like gas or a muscle twitch, but over time, as baby gets bigger and stronger, they’ll be unmistakable. Of course, feeling those movements comes with other issues, like having your lungs crowded by your growing babe. That could make it seem tough to catch your breath from time to time. Don’t worry: There are some positive symptoms you might be having at week 16. For example, some moms-to-be find their hair and nails grow faster. (Your hair might actually look thicker and more lustrous and your skin might look radiant, too. Woo hoo!) Another cool fact? Baby’s starting to be able to hear your voice -- and she’ll recognize it at birth -- so feel free to chat her up.

your baby's the size of an avocado!
Now, she's about 4.6 inches long and weighs about 3.5 ounces, and she's big enough that your doctor may be able to hear her heartbeat.

your baby at 16 weeks
She's listening to your voice, thanks to tiny bones forming in her ears.
She's growing hair, lashes and eyebrows.
And she's forming taste buds.

Loving Two

I have struggled with this for the past few months: how will I ever love another child as much as I love Nathaniel? It is just not possible. Then today, I found this, and I had to share it.

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

- Author unknown

Orange- 15 weeks!!

OK, I know. I really need to get better about this. I am feeling better now, as the morning sickness seems to have subsided. Every few days I feel a bit nauseated, but not as bad as it was a few days ago. I am not sleeping though, and I feel every bit of that. I go to bed when Nathaniel does (around 8 or 8:30) but am always up by 3 am. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

As for that little stinker, we are trying to break him of our very bad habit of sleeping in our bed. Yes, our very bad habit. We let it happen, we deal with the concequences. Rather, I deal with the consequences. Pat isn't home at night, so I deal with this all by myself. Last night was about 1 1/2 hours of crying that he wanted me, but he finally fell asleep at 9ish. Unfortunately, he woke up at 3 and came into my room. I was getting ready to take him back to his room when he told me he was wet. And boy was he! So his bed was also wet. Can't make the kid sleep on a wet bed, so where did he go? Yeah, my bed. He never went back to sleep though, which means that I didn't either. And I stayed up late last ngiht to try to sleep later today. Hopefully I will get a nap in later....

OK, now for the new little one. Our anatomy scan is schedueld for March 1st, when I will be just shy of 22 weeks. Stupid doctor won't listen to me and keeps telling me I am two weeks behind that. Whatever. Just do that damn scan. So we are looking forward to that. Started a registry at Target, mainly so that I can keep track of the things I want and the things I like. I won't put clothes on there though. I see no point in that. Most of what's on there is diapers and wipes. There's also a sit and stand stroller, so that Baby, Nathaniel and I can all go out together. (The day I don't have a stroller for Nathaniel is the day he will want to be in it all day! I am planing our first trip to the zoo and hope to use the stroller then.) Anyway, most companies will give you a coupon to finish buying the things on your registry, so that's why I made one. It's been fun to do it, but so much harder when you don't know yet what you're having. But I do have the advantage of knowing what worked for me before and what didn't. On to development:

15 Weeks Pregnant
While baby’s moving a ton on the inside, you might be moving a ton -- between the sheets. Now that you’re at 15 weeks, you’re probably feeling very high energy, and that means high libido, too. Your partner isn’t feeling nearly as frisky? That’s totally normal too. Let’s face it, the thought of baby being so close while you two are, um, doing the deed, can freak a guy out. Remind him that baby has no idea what’s going on -- and, as long as your OB hasn’t given you any activity restrictions -- sex won’t hurt baby or threaten your pregnancy. Of course, you might be dealing with some not-so-sexy pregnancy symptoms during week 15, like nosebleeds, stomach issues and swollen gums, so if you’re not feeling up to sex, it’s completely understandable.

your baby's the size of a navel orange!
The average fetus at 15 weeks weighs 2.5 ounces and measures 4 inches -- and his proportions are becoming even more normal, since his legs now outmeasure his arms.


your baby at 15 weeks
You probably can't feel it yet, but she's squirming a ton!
She might even be hiccuping in there.
She's making lots of progress: her joints and limbs can all move now.

Oh, I forgot to mention one small thing. Well huge actually. I look like I am about 6 months pregnant instead of 3. When people say that you show much faster with the second, they sure as shit weren't kidding!! I have about 2 inches left in my winter coat! It's scary and awesome all at the same time. I will try to get a picture in here later. Perhaps one of me 6 months with Nathaniel so you can compare the two. It's crazy!!!!

Lemon! 14 weeks

So time seems to be going pretty quickly now, which is a good thing. We had our genetic testing done on Thursday, and the u/s tech said that everything looked good. We just have to wait for the bloodwork to come back. This will give us our "odds" of having a baby with Down Syndrome, as well as trisomy 13 and 18. (both near fatal birth defects.) When we had it done with Nathaniel, our odds were extremely low... like that of a healthy 21 year old. Not bad for an "old lady" with diabetes. Being diabetic increases the risks, as does being an older mom, since women are born with all the eggs they will ever have. So all my eggs are 37 too.

During the ultrasound, we got to see baby waving at us. Pat was really excited to see him/her, because he hasn't been able to before. ANother appointment coming up on Wednesday, with Dr. A. And I don't go back to UIC for 3 weeks, thank goodness.

We have scheduled our anatomy scan for March 1, which is 54 days away. I am very excited to see if we're having a girl or another boy. If I got to choose, I would pick another boy, but so long as the baby is healthy, nothing else really matters. And the baby and Nathaniel will be sharing a room for a few years regardless of girl or boy. Obviously, they will share for a lot longer if we have another boy. And, since the sex of the baby is determined by the sperm, we have genetics on our side. There hasn't been a girl born into Pat's family in 60 years!

Anyway, here's what going on inside this week, according to the bump:
Hungry much? Now that you’re not feeling so queasy, you’re probably enjoying eating. A lot. Plus, you’re fueling baby’s growth -- which is happening at super speed at 14 weeks. Be sure to keep plenty of healthy snacks by your side just in case you get the munchies. It’s important -- for you and for baby -- that you don’t indulge in too many greasy, fatty foods, so you’re both getting the right nutrients. (Of course, the occasional bowl of ice cream is totally okay.) And we just wanted to remind you: eating for two doesn’t mean doubling your calorie intake. Not only have you gotten your appetite back at week 14, but you’ve probably also gotten some of your energy back, too. If you found yourself shying away from exercise during trimester one, it’s time to get back on track. Go take a walk!

your baby's the size of a lemon!
At week 14, your baby is 3.4 inches and 1.5 ounces, he's almost doubled in weight since last week and keeps on growing.
Share this with family and friends

your baby at 14 weeks
He's probably sucking his thumb and wiggling his toes in there!
His kidneys are making urine, and his liver and spleen are doing their jobs, too.
And he's growing lanugo, a thin, peach-fuzz-like hair, all over his body -- it will help him keep warm!

A beautiful song

When I was on the net this morning, someone on my mommy club posted this video. It's just so beautiful, and I had to share it.

Vacation

I have been wanting to get away for a while. There has been so much on my mind lately... so much more than I can write here. SO, although we completely and totally could NOT afford to do so, Pat, Nathaniel and I checked into a hotel last night. Not that we went far or anything. We stayed at the hotel that Pat and I had our reception. We got there a little after 4 pm and by 4:45, we were in the pool.

Nathaniel had a blast!!! He was jumping in the pool (into our arms, of course) and splashing us like crazy! As we enjoyed the warm pool, we looked outside and saw that it was snowing. It was really fun to be swimming, watching snow swirl around outside.

We swam until 5:45ish, and then got out to go to dinner. I love going to Allgauer's for dinner. Their food is so good. (It's in the hotel, which was great. As I mentioned, it was snowing and therefore cold.) We called Pat's sister, Marci, to come swim with us, since she's home from school on winter break. She came while we were having dinner, and then we went swimming again.

Nathaniel was none too keen on putting on a cold, wet swimsuit, but he was quite happy when we got back downstairs. We swam again for about another hour, but I was miserable and couldn't get warm even in the water. So I got out and wrapped a huge towel around myself.

The only downside was that the first time we were in the pool. Pat's job caled and told him he needed to be in at 9 this morning. (Instead of working overnight.) I was so bummed because we were really looking forward to a lazy morning and sleeping in. But it all worked out.

We got up this morning around 7 and then had breakfast (again in the hotel restaurant. I got the bed and breakfast price when I booked the hotel.) The food was again just awesome. I had an omlette and some sausage and bacon. Even had a buscuit and gravy, but they were not as good as I was hoping and it made my blood sugar really high. SO I won't be having that again.

All in all, we had a fantastic time though. On a side note, Nathaniel was absolutely exhausted by his vacation. He fell asleep for his nap about 12:30 this afternoon, and despite the numerous times I woke him up, he sleot until nearly 5:30!!!

It was a great way to end our Christmas break!!!!