At A Loss

I am just floundering here, at best. I just don't know how we are going to make it. I'm talking financially. Our mortgage payment has increased by $500 a month. Or, we can pay a $2800 deficit for our escrow (damn taxes) and then we'll only have to pay an dditional $200 a month for the mortgage. OK, we could swing that for the next few months, if we absolutely scrimp and save. (Or stop going out to eat.) But after the baby is born, I don't know how we'll make it.

Pat has cut down our cell phone plan to 700 minutes a month. That will be more than enough, considering we use around 350 a month between the two of us. We'll have to cut our tv service too, but not just yet. I am already shopping at Aldi for groceries. $50 a week.

I guess the only thing left to do is to pay just the minimum on our credit cards for the next 3 years or so, until we're done paying for daycare for two. I also think that next summer, Nathaniel will just have to stay at home with me. I am sending him to school 3 days a week this summer so thaqt his life will have some consistency, but honestly, so that I can sleep some time too. I keep freaking out about going through that new born stage again, but this time I have three people to take care of instead of just baby and me.

With Pat going to be gone all night every night, it's going to be even harder. I can't imagine how bad it's going to be once I go back to school in the fall. I keep having visions of my principal walking in my classroom to find me asleep at my desk.

I know we'll figure out a way to make this work, but I really feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and only my shoulders right now. Maybe Pat is just as worried about it as I am, but he doesn't pay any of the bills, so I don't think he even knows what's going on.

I have asked him for two months to go to the bank and get the money for the escrow. Still waiting. It was the cause of a huge fight yesterday. And I mean huge. But that was then, and this is now.

So this is just all over the place, but it does explain why I am not sleeping anymore. I hate that. I know that once we get our tax refund, we'll be in a much better position, but that seems like quite a ways away yet. I mean, I don't even have my w2's.

We'll get there eventually. Right now, I just can't see how.