Life is Starting Over

I went to the doctor two weeks ago for a regular check up. I had to do some blood work, which was no surprise. What was surprising was the results. I have really high cholesterol. I'm now taking medication for it and eating foods that I should have been eating all along. (I'll go into that later.) But when the nurse called me, she gave me some wrong information. The number she gave me for my cholesterol was so high that I would be dead in 5 years. Before my sweet girl is in second grade, I would be dead. Before my wonderful boy would be in 5th grade, they would put me in the ground.

So I am taking steps to make sure that doesn't happen. And I really have been eating healthier. I usually have a green smoothie for breakfast. It has fruit, oatmeal, almonds, flax, and spinach. I make it with almond milk. It has no cholesterol in it and it's packed with nutrients. And they taste really good.

Lunches have been salads with chicken, but the sauce I love to use on my chicken has a bit too much sodium for my own good. I compensate with water, but I know that I can do better.

Dinner is easy. I start off with a big ass salad, then move to my proteins and veggies, and if I am still hungry, a little bit of carbs.

So for two weeks, I have been trying to change my life, one meal at a time. And the crazy thing is I think I'm doing it! I had a double cheeseburger last weekend, as we agreed that we'd have one splurge day a week. It made me sick. I had a Valentine's day date with Nathaniel and I ate a chocolate cupcake. I ain't gonna lie- that shit was good going down. But I felt so sick after eating it that I don't want any again. I haven't had any bacon, but I have had cheese. But I don't eat nearly as much as I used to. I am making huge progress with my eating. Now I just have to get off my ass.

I want to get an elliptical and put it in the basement. I can go down there and get some alone time and some exercise. Big bonus with that alone time. Just put the ipod on and go. Or, since there's a tv and dvd player, throw in a movie and start. I know that I can do it. I really have no choice left. You want to hear something really crazy? I am loving this healthy food. I have never felt better, although part of that could be the anti-depressant I'm taking. I've even managed to not start my day with a pepsi.

But honestly, the best part of this whole thing is that my kids are eating better. Fruit with every meal, and every color of the rainbow. They're still picky about veggies, but I try not to worry too much because of the fruit.

Now on to my next challenge- 15 weeks from tomorrow is June 1st. For the next 15 weeks I am focusing wholly on my self and my health. I will not be weighing myself for those 15 weeks (which will be a damn hard habit to break), and instead focus on how I am feeling and how my clothes (don't) fit. I look forward to sharing this challenge with others, and I won't be alone doing it, which helps. My sister will be doing it with me. In 6 weeks, I go back for a repeat cholesterol test. By then I want to rock that test. This challenge will really help me with that.

So simple, but...

It's such a simple concept. but so very hard to master. Portion control.

But I'm getting there.

Now, it's not for lack of trying before, When I tried before it always ended in failure. I was hungry. And then I got mean. And then I got ugly. But there was always more food so it didn't matter. I could go have more.

And I did. Always. After filling my plate and gulping down my food, I wanted more. Didn't matter that my stomach was already over full and I was bloated. Didn't matter that I physically hurt from eating more. There was more food available and I wanted it. First world problem if ever, right?

And then I grew up and became a mom. I swore that I would take care of myself, for the sake of my kids. But there was still food available. And I wanted it. It didn't matter to me that I am diabetic. That my clothes didn't fit. That my kids would probably get made fun of because their mom is so fat. That I was slowly committing suicide by food. It was there and I wanted it.

And then I left my job, and stopped collecting a paycheck. Suddenly, a scary thought came to me. What if there isn't always more food? And even worse, what if there wasn't enough to feed my kids?

And portion controlling is becoming my way of life. I'm not sad about this. I'm actually happy. I make a lot of casseroles now. But there's so much in a pan. Old me would've left it on the table and picked at it all night long, consuming at least 3 servings, if not more. Now, I put some on my plate, serve the kids their dinner, and either put some on a plate for Pat (for later) or let him get his. When everyone is done eating (including seconds, I put way less on my plate now) I pack it up. It does not sit on the table.

Tonight, for example, was chicken spaghetti (from pinterest. It was only ok.) We ate about a third of the dish. The rest has already been packed into a dollar store tin with a lid and is cooling off before it goes into the freezer. So for the price of one dinner, we have two. I've done this with several casseroles and recipes I've made the past few weeks. It's something I am actually proud of.

So why am I telling you about this? Because in the last week I have lost 6 pounds. Now, when you have to lose a entire person, 6 pounds may seem like nothing. But to me, it's a pretty big fucking deal. I intend to make the most of this. It makes me want to do more. I am going to try to exercise now too. I wish I could just ride my bike, but without a trailer I can't. (What would I do with the kids?) I know that sounds like an excuse, but it's not. It's fact. But I'm going to try.

Because soon I want to type that I've lost 60 pounds, not just 6. It may take a while, but dammit, I've lost 6 pounds!

I Learned Something Today

Turkey club sandwiches on jalepeno and cheese bagels are AWESOME!!!!!

Nathaniel wanted to go to the muffin store yesterday, but we didn't have any time. We had some extra time this morning, so we went. He got his usual chocolate muffin, and I got my lunch. Pat got 2 blueberry muffins, because he was able to go with too! So nice when that happens.

Anyway, I ordered my sandwich, knowing that I wouldn't have time to eat it until lunch, but let me tell you. It is good! I am trying to watch the carbs, but this is split between breakfast and lunch, so number wise I am ok. I just should have eaten half at breakfast and half at lunch.

Tonight, I am grilling steak and corn on the cob. I'll probably make a potato for Pat, but plan on filling my plate with veggies. I am trying really hard with the carb thing. I am doing better. I am eating eggs for breakfast, a bowl of honey nut cheerios for lunch, and then a moderately healthy dinner. Today I had yogurt for breakfast and the bagel for lunch, so I really have to avoid those carbs for dinner.

I would also like to cut out the caffeine. The only time I was ever successful with that was when I was pregnant with Nathaniel. oh, how those first few days without it hurt! The withdrawal headaches were killer! But I know I don't need that in my life. The only time it gets diffiuclt is when we go out to eat. What else do you drink when you don't drink pop or alcohol? I can't do lemonade or tea, because it's not diet (too much sugar). And I feel like I'm 5 when I order milk. So water it is. Maybe I should carry some Crystal light packs with me to have flavored water. Hmm...

Um, how did my bagel sandwich get me here? I think I'm losing my mind nd I am sure it's only going to get worse. Oh well.