Pat's dad died yesterday. Pat was able to be with him in the end, so I am happy for that, because he is happy that he was there. I don't know how I would've felt had I been with my dad when he took his last breath. I don't know if that would have made it easier or not. But that's not what this entry is about.
I am not sure how I can comfort Pat. I of course gave him a hug when he finally got home last night. I will take phone calls for him when he just can't answer the phone anymore. I will be there, waiting for him to open up on me or unleash his grief and/or anger. And I will of course accept condolences from people to pass along to him. I will be there to remind him that he was a wonderful son to his father, no matter what other people might say, and I will defend him and his decisions until my own dying breath.
But I am not grieving the way he is. I couldn't. If his dad had died years ago, before we got engaged, I would have been really upset. But the past 3 plus years of my life have been so different from the previous 6 1/2... when Pat and I were just dating.
I am of course saddened for my husband's loss. I will grieve with him. I will help him to remember the "good times" he had with his dad. I will help Nathaniel remember his Grandpa (because despite how little I liked the man, N loved him, and he loved Nathaniel). I will never take that from him. In fact, I think the only positive thing about the man was that he did love his grandson. I have always acknowledged that.
I will work to not let my hatred for him cloud Nathaniel's feelings and memories, if he should carry any into the future. (He is only 2, afterall.)
I am sorry that my son will not grow up with grandfathers. But there are pictures and there are memories that can be kept.
And now, I face a dilemma. One of my 101 things to do was to forgive and forget. Right after Nathaniel's birthday, I had said that I would never be able to do it. I couldn't forgive or forget what he said to me and did to me. What he did just hurt me too much. So here's the dilemma: do I take it off my list and replace it with something else or do I just leave it there, as a reminder that AI couldn't accomplish everything?
Joi,
ReplyDeleteThere are going to be tons of other things that you could replace on that list, but in my honest opinion, I believe you should leave it there.
Sometimes, life is funny that way and you just can't mend certain relationships, however with that being said, I truly think you have made peace somewhat considering that you are there for Pat while he grieves and you are supporting him, no matter what. Ultimately, it is what his Dad would want, differences aside.
Didn't really know Pat's Dad, only met him a handful of times but it seemed he was a man who kept a lot to himself. I'm sure that Pat is going through a lot of emotions about it as well. Continue to be there for him and help him through it, that's the best thing you can do right now and it will strengthen the bond between you two even more.
Death is a really funny thing, it makes us see things in a clearer perspective. In his life, you may not have been able to mend things, but in his death you can do your best by being there for his son and your husband.
See you Wednesday <3 love ya.