I went to the eye doctor yesterday. For the past few days, there has been an irritant in my left eye. I was afraid that it was a shard of glass from when my vase broke on Sunday. Fortunately, he didn't see anything in my eye. However, my body is reacting to something, sending white blood cells to my eye, forming little white bumps under my eyelid. So I have antibiotics for the next week, as well as warm compresses for the next five days or so.
Immediately after the first dose of antibiotics, my eye started feeling better. Thank God for that, but I can't wear my contacts for a week, which blows. We were planning to go away this weekend to Starved Rock. How am I going to spend an entire weekend outside without sunglasses?? Well, the mail took care of that worry.
After getting home from the doctor, (an unexpected $50 spent- when you include my lunch at Panda Express since I had to wait for my prescription) I got the mail. In the mail was the gas bill, the cable bill, the water bill, a red light ticket for Pat, and the tax bill. Now we can afford to pay all these bills, but there goes our vacation. I am most afraid of the tax bill. We don't have enough in our escrow to cover that. We are short about $600. How does the second installment of taxes double from the first installment? It's the 2010 bill, not even this year! I have no idea how this will impact our mortgage payments. That really worries me.
It's not like we went out and found a house that was way overpriced and that we knew we coulnd't afford. We knew exactly what we could afford and that's what we bought. So why do I have the feeling that we are in financial dire straits? Plus, when Pat figures this out (or if I tell him why I am so freaked) there is no way he will agree to have another child... or even try.
I really, really want that. Even if we don't have another baby, I want to try until the end of this year. That way, I can say I did everything I could to have another one.
I accept what is, but I can't help but worry about it anyway. Is there anything that I can do to change what is? No. Will worrying about it take it away? No.
After this weekend, some of my other stressors will be gone. I am staying home today (to rest my eye, hence the hookey) and I am hoping to get my Spanish final done as well as the rest of the thank you notes from Pat's dads funeral. Get that monkey off my back once and for all. I also want to go shopping for groceries for next week, since I took the money out of the bank this morning. I know that I'll spend it on other stuff if it stays in my wallet. I also have to get a few birthday cards and an anniversary card.
I have nothing to give to Pat for our anniversary, and that makes me feel like crap. He doesn't understnad why it bothers me so much. I know that I provide him with dinner every night, and he has clean clothes and a place to lay his head every night. But I would do that for him anyway. How do I show him that I really and truly do love him? I know that the actions of the other 364 days show him that, but our anniversary is such a special day to me. I'm sure I'll come up with something. Maybe just bake another apple pie.
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