Ugh. I knew it was going to be a bad day today, but damn. I feel like I've been hit by a bus.
It started so innocently. I was dropping off Nathaniel at school today and his teachers asked me when I was going to have another one. Yeah. The answer should have been "Wednesday!" with a big smile. But it's not.
Cue the tears. I fought them off until I got to the car, and then lost it. I left the parking lot, but had to pull over down the street. I couldn't see through the tears. Why did they pick today to ask this???????? Today I would be 38w3d, the exact gestational day that Nathaniel was born.
I sat in my car for a few minutes, trying to collect myself. I asked God to please let me hear some uplifting music on the radio, as I knew I needed something before I got to work with my tear-stained face.
Thank you God for George Harrison. I love the song "Set on You." It ahs always cheered me up. (Maybe not as much as I needed it to, but it worked a smidge.) I rolled down the window and sang it as loud as I could. I know exactly why I did that. It was to drive my own thoughts out of my head.
But, this time I know it's for real... that feeling that I feel. And I know it will take time and money, (wink wink) but I know that eventually, I will be more whole again. I just have to make it through next week.
Please, let me get through it...
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