Heard That Damn Song

I heard "Say What You Need to Say" when I was getting breakfast with Nathaniel this morning, and just lost it. I was crying in the middle of Great American Bagel. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic, but I really didn't care. That song just hurts so much.

I know that if I had given birth to that child, I wouldn't have my wonderful Nathaniel. But hearing it now, so close to what would have been my surgery date for a second C-section, just killed me today. (The surgery would have been in the next week and a half.)

So, as I was crying (and it was harder out in the parking lot) I asked my sweet angel for a hug and kiss. He gave it to me and said "Make you happy?" Of course he did. I know in my head and in my heart and in every part of my being that Nathaniel was the child I was meant to have. But sometimes that hurt is still there. Hearing that song ripped the scab off, and made me cry.