So I was flipping through the channels today, when I saw that classic Looney Tunes were on. I turned it on, and sat back to enjoy. Memories come flooding back about Saturday mornings, laying in my parent's bed watching the cartoons with my dad.
As I watched, the cartoon where the king wants hasenpfeffer comes on. Man, we used to joke about that one all the time! Dad would say "Where's my hasenpfeffer?"
Now, If I could just see the one where Bugs Bunny sings "The rabbit kicked the bucket, the bucket kicked the rabbit!" it would ba all good.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I Know I Said Once A Week, But
I went to the doctor today and he surprised me with an ultrasound! I got to see the baby's heartbeat. It was going at a nice, strong 149 beats per minute. I called Pat after I left and told him. He was so crsuhed that he wasn't there. I told him I didn't know I was going to have an ultrasound today or I would have said something to him. Fortunately, he will be with me Monday, when we go for our enxt ultrasound.
I am so relieved that we have a heartbeat, because the chance of a miscarriage drops dramatically once they can pick up a heartbeat. July 2012, here we come!!!
I am so relieved that we have a heartbeat, because the chance of a miscarriage drops dramatically once they can pick up a heartbeat. July 2012, here we come!!!
So Tired of Doctors!!!
But at the same time, I am so grateful for them!
Saturday morning, Nathaniel woke up in the night screaming. We rushed to his room, and felt that he was burning up. Took his temp and it was 103. Gave him some tylenol and went back to bed. When he woke up, he was shivering and hot! And when i say shivering, I mean this kid scared the hell out of me! I had never seen anything like that before. Took his temp again and it was 103.5. SO we called the doc and went in at 9:30. They put him on Zithromax and said that there wasn't any ear infections, but there had to be something somewhere. (really? ya think?) We also were told to go back to the breathing treatments.
So we fast forward to Saturday afternoon. Temp goes up to 104. Call the doc again and she prescribes another antibiotic to take along with the zithro. Ugh. He hates taking the meds! We are still battling the fever at this point, and alterating between the tylenol and motrin.
We keep at it, and Sunday he seems to be feeling better. Temps arent' as high and he is running around like nothing has happened. We had dinner plans with family for Sunday night and we go. During dinner, you can just see that he is starting to not feel well again. We get home, take his temp, and it's back to 103. More motrin and off to bed.
At 1 am Sunday night, he wakes up and (since he was in bed with me) wakes me up too. I felt him and had to pull my hand back. He was on fire. I took his temp and it was 104.7. Off to the ER we go.
They got his temp down a bit, and then we talked about pneumonia and chest x-rays. All the time this is going on, I can feel morning sickness creeping on me. NOt only am I exhausted from growing humans, but I only got 3 hours of sleep before we went to the ER. Add in the stress of a very sick child, and it was too much for me.
Pat and I decided that we wanted to do a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, and fortunately, it was. So the ER docs decided that it's just a virus that he has, and it's got to work itself out. Should be gone in 3 to 5 days.
Now, while that's wonderful, do you know anyone that can just take a week off of work? Cuz I don't. I don't know what I am going to do tomorrow. Maybe send him to school in hopes that his fever doesn't come until the afternoon, so that I can work a full day? My mom had already offered to come watch him on Monday when he was sick on Saturday, so I was grateful for that.
I took off today, and can possibly do tomorrow too, but I am burning up all of my sick days. I will need those later in the pregnancy for (even more) doctor appointments.
And speaking of pregnancy related doctor appointments, I have one this afternoon with Dr. A (and that's good, because I am out of insulin and need a new rx for it). I have two next Monday at UIC. One ultrasound and one with the high risk OB. On Tuesday, I have an appointment with the dietician at the diabetes center, and will probably have to see Dr. A again that day too. That is going to be difficult. They are at the same location (different buildings) but how do I get an appointment early enough with Dr. A to meet with the dietician without taking half a day off? I still have to pick up Nathaniel. My mom is working on Tuesday, since she took off Monday to take Nathaniel spp that Pat and I can go to UIC.
I know that everything will work out and all this will be worth it in July, but for right now, it's just really annoying.
Did I mention that nathaniel will be accompanying me to all these appointments (not UIC)? Yeah, not fun. But I really have no other choice.
Saturday morning, Nathaniel woke up in the night screaming. We rushed to his room, and felt that he was burning up. Took his temp and it was 103. Gave him some tylenol and went back to bed. When he woke up, he was shivering and hot! And when i say shivering, I mean this kid scared the hell out of me! I had never seen anything like that before. Took his temp again and it was 103.5. SO we called the doc and went in at 9:30. They put him on Zithromax and said that there wasn't any ear infections, but there had to be something somewhere. (really? ya think?) We also were told to go back to the breathing treatments.
So we fast forward to Saturday afternoon. Temp goes up to 104. Call the doc again and she prescribes another antibiotic to take along with the zithro. Ugh. He hates taking the meds! We are still battling the fever at this point, and alterating between the tylenol and motrin.
We keep at it, and Sunday he seems to be feeling better. Temps arent' as high and he is running around like nothing has happened. We had dinner plans with family for Sunday night and we go. During dinner, you can just see that he is starting to not feel well again. We get home, take his temp, and it's back to 103. More motrin and off to bed.
At 1 am Sunday night, he wakes up and (since he was in bed with me) wakes me up too. I felt him and had to pull my hand back. He was on fire. I took his temp and it was 104.7. Off to the ER we go.
They got his temp down a bit, and then we talked about pneumonia and chest x-rays. All the time this is going on, I can feel morning sickness creeping on me. NOt only am I exhausted from growing humans, but I only got 3 hours of sleep before we went to the ER. Add in the stress of a very sick child, and it was too much for me.
Pat and I decided that we wanted to do a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, and fortunately, it was. So the ER docs decided that it's just a virus that he has, and it's got to work itself out. Should be gone in 3 to 5 days.
Now, while that's wonderful, do you know anyone that can just take a week off of work? Cuz I don't. I don't know what I am going to do tomorrow. Maybe send him to school in hopes that his fever doesn't come until the afternoon, so that I can work a full day? My mom had already offered to come watch him on Monday when he was sick on Saturday, so I was grateful for that.
I took off today, and can possibly do tomorrow too, but I am burning up all of my sick days. I will need those later in the pregnancy for (even more) doctor appointments.
And speaking of pregnancy related doctor appointments, I have one this afternoon with Dr. A (and that's good, because I am out of insulin and need a new rx for it). I have two next Monday at UIC. One ultrasound and one with the high risk OB. On Tuesday, I have an appointment with the dietician at the diabetes center, and will probably have to see Dr. A again that day too. That is going to be difficult. They are at the same location (different buildings) but how do I get an appointment early enough with Dr. A to meet with the dietician without taking half a day off? I still have to pick up Nathaniel. My mom is working on Tuesday, since she took off Monday to take Nathaniel spp that Pat and I can go to UIC.
I know that everything will work out and all this will be worth it in July, but for right now, it's just really annoying.
Did I mention that nathaniel will be accompanying me to all these appointments (not UIC)? Yeah, not fun. But I really have no other choice.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Still Hanging On
I just wanted to write a quick update, as I had no time to do so yesterday. The spotting stopped as quickly as it started. I have also not had any more cramps. My back is still killing me, but I can live with that.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Why Me? Why Again?
I woke up bleeding this morning and cramping. I believe it's a matter of time now before it's gone. And I just told my family. It figures.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Just a Sample
We took Nathaniel for his Christmas pictures this morning. Here's a sample. And you're not crazy, some are sideways.
Raspberry
It's Friday again, and all is still going well!!
Today, the baby is the size of a raspberry. Here's what he's doing:
Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs, and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.
You can't feel it yet, but she's moving those arms and legs like crazy!
Her fingers and toes are now only slightly webbed, and her tail (yes, she had one) is gone.
Fun fact: your baby's taste buds are now forming.
Now she weighs in (yay!) at about .04 ounces and measures about .63 inches. This week, she's growing about a milimeter each day (all infor from thebump.com)
SO that's pretty much it. I go see Dr. A. on Tuesday again to adjust insulin as necessary, although I've been doing pretty good (even yesterday!!!). I've even had a few low blood sugar episodes, which is not good but it means bad snack choices- yummy!
My next ultrasound is on Dec 5th (a Monday, so I will post pics if I get them) and I have an appointment right after the ultrasound. These both take place at UIC. My mom is coming over to babysit Nathaniel, since I have no idea what time we'll be getting back from the docs, and I don't want him sitting at the day care waiting.
So, all in all, everything seems to be going good. No spotting, some strecthing and growing pains, and a lot of bloating (had to put on maternity pants last night to be comfy!!!).
And, Nathaniel is enjoying telling everyone that he will be the best big brother ever. Ever. Ever.
Today, the baby is the size of a raspberry. Here's what he's doing:
Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs, and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.
You can't feel it yet, but she's moving those arms and legs like crazy!
Her fingers and toes are now only slightly webbed, and her tail (yes, she had one) is gone.
Fun fact: your baby's taste buds are now forming.
Now she weighs in (yay!) at about .04 ounces and measures about .63 inches. This week, she's growing about a milimeter each day (all infor from thebump.com)
SO that's pretty much it. I go see Dr. A. on Tuesday again to adjust insulin as necessary, although I've been doing pretty good (even yesterday!!!). I've even had a few low blood sugar episodes, which is not good but it means bad snack choices- yummy!
My next ultrasound is on Dec 5th (a Monday, so I will post pics if I get them) and I have an appointment right after the ultrasound. These both take place at UIC. My mom is coming over to babysit Nathaniel, since I have no idea what time we'll be getting back from the docs, and I don't want him sitting at the day care waiting.
So, all in all, everything seems to be going good. No spotting, some strecthing and growing pains, and a lot of bloating (had to put on maternity pants last night to be comfy!!!).
And, Nathaniel is enjoying telling everyone that he will be the best big brother ever. Ever. Ever.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Telling Mom
We finally got to tell my mom today about the new baby. Here are some pics.
Nathaniel in his shirt:
Mom's face:
She was so excited!!!!!
Nathaniel in his shirt:
Mom's face:
She was so excited!!!!!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Blueberry
I won't be posting this until later, just in case I need to delete it.
Today is Friday, so it's pregnancy entry day. Today, I am 7 weeks, and my baby is the size of a blueberry. I have three doctor appointments today. The first is a redo for my nurse intake appointment. (I went 2 weeks ago and it was a big fail! My urine test came out negative, so that's when they did the beta draws.)
The next is with Dr. D., an endocrinologist. I am hopeful that he can explain why I am not responding well to the insulin.
After that, I have an ultrasound. I am really looking forward to seeing my little blob on the screen. I hope and pray that everything looks good and on track, but fear that it is not.
The shirt I bought for Nathaniel arrived in the mail yesterday, but I am too scared to open it. I just don't want the pain of looking at that shirt if he will bever wear it.
Later in the day...
I ended up going to see the nurse at Dr. A's office. She was great. Came home with a big goodie bag for expenctant mothers. But, she sent me to the lab to get my blood drawn. Ugh.
Seriously, 8 vials? What on God's green Earth do they need 8 vials of blood for? HIV tests, and then a complete panel of x, y, and z. Only took two stabs, one in the hand and one in the arm. Still not fun.
Then, I get in the car to drive tgo the other side of the hospital to go to the endocrinoligist. I turned my phone back on, and saw I had a voicelmail from Dr. A's office. Whaa??? The nurse called, and the first thing she said was "Nothing is wrong, but..." she needed some more dates from me, about my miscarriages. I told her that I really appreciated the fact that she started it with "there is nothing wrong," because I instantly assumed that there was.
On to the endo. Wow, this part is going to be long. First, let me start by saying that my endo (as I will call him- or Dr. D.) also took care of my dad. He cares for a friend of mine as well, so I knew I would be in good hands. I got in and was talking with the nurse, who is also a nutritionist, and she spent about 25 minutes with me, talking about what I should be eating and what I shouldn't and how to eat and even gave me a list of apps for my iPhone to help me track my food. I go back to see her again in two weeks. Then Dr. D. came in.
To say that he was upset that I had never seen an endo in the 4 years since I've been diagnosed would be an understatement. He was, in short, absolutely amazing. I spent about 45 minutes with him. He asked me all sorts of questions, going back to when I was 14! 23 years of my medical history, He explained studies that he had read or been a part of, and why he does things the way he does. It was incredible. Yes, my head was spinning with all the information he gave me, but it was well worth it.
However, there was some bad news with that too. He told me (with a 97% degrees of certainty) that I have PCOS. This was not really surprising, but all the things that can happen because of it sure were. Heart disease, infertility (not that I have that problem, apparently) increased insulin resistance (to combine with the diabetes- Fun!), and all sorts of other stuff that I can't remember right now, but have written down.
Other bad news was a study he told me about in regards to diabetic moms. Those whose A1c were 8 or below before pregnancy had a 2% chance of having a baby with malformations. That's the same as non-diabetic women. However, A1c's of over 8 (as my last one was) had 22% chance of malformations. This could be anything from a cleft palate to heart defects and spina bifida. As I sat there crying, he said, but don't forget about the other 78% whose babies are born perfectly healthy.
So, obviously, we're hoping and praying to be in that 78%.
We have increased my insulin (a lot) but he said that's not as much as some pregnant women he has seen are taking. So that made me feel good. PLus, the nutritionist said that I have to eat the 180 carbs a day (holy shitballs, twice as muc as before) because that's what a healthy pregnancy needs, and we'll just have to adjust the insulin and that's that.
Ok, so after all that, I went to the outpatient center to get my ultrasound done. Since I didn't have an appointment, they told me I might be waiting a long time, and they would squeeze me in. Maybe they just say that to see if you're really willing to wait, because I waited a whopping 10 minutes. Yep, that's all. I've waited longer when I had an appointment!! ANyway, they did the ultrasound, and couldn't tell me anything. They never do. But when I told them that I was just loking for some reassurance, they said that they were "pretty sure I'd be back to see them in the future" because "Dr A. always has more done." You can read that as "THERE'S A BABY IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I was so relieved! I won't get the official yes until I see Dr. A again, and that's on Tuesday, but I'm confident enough that I think I will sleep all night tonight.
My plan is to announce it to my family on Thanksgiving. (the ones that don't know, like my mom, younger sister, Pat's mom and uncle.) Should be great! Can't wait to see Mom's face!
And one last thing. I opened the package that held Nathaniel's t-shirt. Believe me when I say that next Friday, there will be a picture of it posted! It is adorable!
Today is Friday, so it's pregnancy entry day. Today, I am 7 weeks, and my baby is the size of a blueberry. I have three doctor appointments today. The first is a redo for my nurse intake appointment. (I went 2 weeks ago and it was a big fail! My urine test came out negative, so that's when they did the beta draws.)
The next is with Dr. D., an endocrinologist. I am hopeful that he can explain why I am not responding well to the insulin.
After that, I have an ultrasound. I am really looking forward to seeing my little blob on the screen. I hope and pray that everything looks good and on track, but fear that it is not.
The shirt I bought for Nathaniel arrived in the mail yesterday, but I am too scared to open it. I just don't want the pain of looking at that shirt if he will bever wear it.
Later in the day...
I ended up going to see the nurse at Dr. A's office. She was great. Came home with a big goodie bag for expenctant mothers. But, she sent me to the lab to get my blood drawn. Ugh.
Seriously, 8 vials? What on God's green Earth do they need 8 vials of blood for? HIV tests, and then a complete panel of x, y, and z. Only took two stabs, one in the hand and one in the arm. Still not fun.
Then, I get in the car to drive tgo the other side of the hospital to go to the endocrinoligist. I turned my phone back on, and saw I had a voicelmail from Dr. A's office. Whaa??? The nurse called, and the first thing she said was "Nothing is wrong, but..." she needed some more dates from me, about my miscarriages. I told her that I really appreciated the fact that she started it with "there is nothing wrong," because I instantly assumed that there was.
On to the endo. Wow, this part is going to be long. First, let me start by saying that my endo (as I will call him- or Dr. D.) also took care of my dad. He cares for a friend of mine as well, so I knew I would be in good hands. I got in and was talking with the nurse, who is also a nutritionist, and she spent about 25 minutes with me, talking about what I should be eating and what I shouldn't and how to eat and even gave me a list of apps for my iPhone to help me track my food. I go back to see her again in two weeks. Then Dr. D. came in.
To say that he was upset that I had never seen an endo in the 4 years since I've been diagnosed would be an understatement. He was, in short, absolutely amazing. I spent about 45 minutes with him. He asked me all sorts of questions, going back to when I was 14! 23 years of my medical history, He explained studies that he had read or been a part of, and why he does things the way he does. It was incredible. Yes, my head was spinning with all the information he gave me, but it was well worth it.
However, there was some bad news with that too. He told me (with a 97% degrees of certainty) that I have PCOS. This was not really surprising, but all the things that can happen because of it sure were. Heart disease, infertility (not that I have that problem, apparently) increased insulin resistance (to combine with the diabetes- Fun!), and all sorts of other stuff that I can't remember right now, but have written down.
Other bad news was a study he told me about in regards to diabetic moms. Those whose A1c were 8 or below before pregnancy had a 2% chance of having a baby with malformations. That's the same as non-diabetic women. However, A1c's of over 8 (as my last one was) had 22% chance of malformations. This could be anything from a cleft palate to heart defects and spina bifida. As I sat there crying, he said, but don't forget about the other 78% whose babies are born perfectly healthy.
So, obviously, we're hoping and praying to be in that 78%.
We have increased my insulin (a lot) but he said that's not as much as some pregnant women he has seen are taking. So that made me feel good. PLus, the nutritionist said that I have to eat the 180 carbs a day (holy shitballs, twice as muc as before) because that's what a healthy pregnancy needs, and we'll just have to adjust the insulin and that's that.
Ok, so after all that, I went to the outpatient center to get my ultrasound done. Since I didn't have an appointment, they told me I might be waiting a long time, and they would squeeze me in. Maybe they just say that to see if you're really willing to wait, because I waited a whopping 10 minutes. Yep, that's all. I've waited longer when I had an appointment!! ANyway, they did the ultrasound, and couldn't tell me anything. They never do. But when I told them that I was just loking for some reassurance, they said that they were "pretty sure I'd be back to see them in the future" because "Dr A. always has more done." You can read that as "THERE'S A BABY IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I was so relieved! I won't get the official yes until I see Dr. A again, and that's on Tuesday, but I'm confident enough that I think I will sleep all night tonight.
My plan is to announce it to my family on Thanksgiving. (the ones that don't know, like my mom, younger sister, Pat's mom and uncle.) Should be great! Can't wait to see Mom's face!
And one last thing. I opened the package that held Nathaniel's t-shirt. Believe me when I say that next Friday, there will be a picture of it posted! It is adorable!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Not Happy About This
So I called my OB's office to see if they had made an appointment for me at the high risk OB's office yet. You know, the docs that are in Orland, which is closer than going to see my regular doctor. The ones that I was hoping would eliver at Christ, since it's so close.
Nope. Not only that, but they told me today that I have to go to the University of Chicago for my appointments. Can is just say how scared that makes me? Like something is going to go really drastically wrong?
I also hate driving into the city. I need Pat to come with me at least the first time. I have no idea where I'm going, how to get there, where to park, how to find the offices, nothing. So much for keeping my blood pressure under control.
Not only am I worried that something must be really wrong, but I have to go somewhere I have no idea how to get to! The nurse says "Oh, just take the Stevenson." OK, they have numbers for a reason!!! I know the numbers, not the names.
I am sure that everything will be ok, but I am getting more and more doubtful about seeing any doctors before Thanksgiving. I so wanted to tell everyone then. I can wait, because fear is a strong motivator.
Nope. Not only that, but they told me today that I have to go to the University of Chicago for my appointments. Can is just say how scared that makes me? Like something is going to go really drastically wrong?
I also hate driving into the city. I need Pat to come with me at least the first time. I have no idea where I'm going, how to get there, where to park, how to find the offices, nothing. So much for keeping my blood pressure under control.
Not only am I worried that something must be really wrong, but I have to go somewhere I have no idea how to get to! The nurse says "Oh, just take the Stevenson." OK, they have numbers for a reason!!! I know the numbers, not the names.
I am sure that everything will be ok, but I am getting more and more doubtful about seeing any doctors before Thanksgiving. I so wanted to tell everyone then. I can wait, because fear is a strong motivator.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Beta News
So I finally got the results from the blood test/ beta draw from Friday, the 11th. And I remembered to ask what my levels were the fist time. My first draw, on 11/4 was 25.3. My second draw was 757.9! The betas are supposed to double every 24 to 48 hours, so mine are perfect!
Of course, like the idiot I am, I had to go and look up what the average beta is for how many days past ovulation (dpo) I am. And then I got worried, since it should be 11 thousand something. I know that this one is going to stick though, and that beta levels vary greatly, so I am going to stop worrying.
On another note, my doctors will no longer see me. I am quite sad about that, as they took great care of me and they delivered Nathaniel. But I am quite sure I will be in good hands with the MFM doctors. That stands for Maternal Fetal Medicine. I saw one when I was pregnant with Nathaniel, but that one didn't deliver babies. These docs do. I just don't know where! Maybe I won't have another St. James baby. It wold be really nice (for us) if they delivered at Christ. Imagine not driving 45 minutes to the hospital but only driving 5 minutes (damn traffic lights!) So that would be nice.
I am hopeful that I can get in to see the docs next week, as they also have a diabetes center there. One stop shopping for me!
So I am thinking that (other than today) every Friday I will do a pregnancy post. I picked Friday, because that's when I change weeks. Right now, I am 6 weeks 3 days. My baby is the size of a sweet pea, and it's heart is already beating, which means the circulatory system has formed. It is so incredible!
Also, this is the day in my last pregnancy that I miscarried, so I am really excited to still be pregnant. I lost the other one at 7 weeks 4 days, so in 8 days, I am going to be one happy mommy. 10 days I'll be happier- Thanksgiving!
SO anyway, excpect updates on Friday, unless something happens that I need to share right away (like ultrasounds and ultrasound pictures.) I really hope to catch my mom's expression when she finally finds out. (fingers crossed for Thanksgiving day.)
To tell her, by the way, I bought Nathaniel an adorable shirt that has two dump trucks on it and says "Someday I'll drive a big truck, just like Daddy, but for now, I'll just be a big brother!" I'm going to have Nathaniel wear the shirt and wait for people to read it. I will post a picture of the shirt when it arrives. I ordered it from Etsy.
Of course, like the idiot I am, I had to go and look up what the average beta is for how many days past ovulation (dpo) I am. And then I got worried, since it should be 11 thousand something. I know that this one is going to stick though, and that beta levels vary greatly, so I am going to stop worrying.
On another note, my doctors will no longer see me. I am quite sad about that, as they took great care of me and they delivered Nathaniel. But I am quite sure I will be in good hands with the MFM doctors. That stands for Maternal Fetal Medicine. I saw one when I was pregnant with Nathaniel, but that one didn't deliver babies. These docs do. I just don't know where! Maybe I won't have another St. James baby. It wold be really nice (for us) if they delivered at Christ. Imagine not driving 45 minutes to the hospital but only driving 5 minutes (damn traffic lights!) So that would be nice.
I am hopeful that I can get in to see the docs next week, as they also have a diabetes center there. One stop shopping for me!
So I am thinking that (other than today) every Friday I will do a pregnancy post. I picked Friday, because that's when I change weeks. Right now, I am 6 weeks 3 days. My baby is the size of a sweet pea, and it's heart is already beating, which means the circulatory system has formed. It is so incredible!
Also, this is the day in my last pregnancy that I miscarried, so I am really excited to still be pregnant. I lost the other one at 7 weeks 4 days, so in 8 days, I am going to be one happy mommy. 10 days I'll be happier- Thanksgiving!
SO anyway, excpect updates on Friday, unless something happens that I need to share right away (like ultrasounds and ultrasound pictures.) I really hope to catch my mom's expression when she finally finds out. (fingers crossed for Thanksgiving day.)
To tell her, by the way, I bought Nathaniel an adorable shirt that has two dump trucks on it and says "Someday I'll drive a big truck, just like Daddy, but for now, I'll just be a big brother!" I'm going to have Nathaniel wear the shirt and wait for people to read it. I will post a picture of the shirt when it arrives. I ordered it from Etsy.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The Pressure Is On
And for once, I am not talking about the pressure of my ever expanding bloat against my jeans. (Hell, or my weight gain for that matter.)
No. I have placed my blog on another blog of July 2012 moms to be. Do you know what that means? Tens of people could read this. I feel so much pressure to make this blog... interesting. What will I talk about?
I don't want to turn this into a pregnancy blog. It will get there, I am sure, but I don't want it to be that yet.
I didn't want this to turn into a weight loss blog. Fortunately for me, I can't lose weight, so I guess that worked out ok, (And for the record, I am down 7 pounds in the past two weeks.)
I still post about my 101 things to do in 1001 days. Speaking of which, I jumped into a pile of leaves today. Another one done.
And can I count seeing Harry Potter with my mom twice? Cuz she came over (and I still haven't told her) and we watched it again.
So what shall I blog about? My new found love of fajitas? (oh, burrito jalisco, why do you have to be open until 3 am?)
Christmas? How long can that last? (I know, less than 6 weeks!)
My New Year's resolutions? OK, yeah, because I know I'll lose weight. I'll drop about 20 pounds in July alone, wink wink.
So I guess I will just ramble for a while. Seems to work thus far.
And to any bumpies that may read, plase feel free to follow me and leave comments. I love comments and having "followers" makes me feel so powerful! You will obey.....
No. I have placed my blog on another blog of July 2012 moms to be. Do you know what that means? Tens of people could read this. I feel so much pressure to make this blog... interesting. What will I talk about?
I don't want to turn this into a pregnancy blog. It will get there, I am sure, but I don't want it to be that yet.
I didn't want this to turn into a weight loss blog. Fortunately for me, I can't lose weight, so I guess that worked out ok, (And for the record, I am down 7 pounds in the past two weeks.)
I still post about my 101 things to do in 1001 days. Speaking of which, I jumped into a pile of leaves today. Another one done.
And can I count seeing Harry Potter with my mom twice? Cuz she came over (and I still haven't told her) and we watched it again.
So what shall I blog about? My new found love of fajitas? (oh, burrito jalisco, why do you have to be open until 3 am?)
Christmas? How long can that last? (I know, less than 6 weeks!)
My New Year's resolutions? OK, yeah, because I know I'll lose weight. I'll drop about 20 pounds in July alone, wink wink.
So I guess I will just ramble for a while. Seems to work thus far.
And to any bumpies that may read, plase feel free to follow me and leave comments. I love comments and having "followers" makes me feel so powerful! You will obey.....
Friday, November 11, 2011
I Made My Wish
At 11:11 am, on 11/11/11 I made my wish. You know what that means? I can cross another thing off my 101 things to do in 1,001 days. I've really got to update that list, too.
I am hoping that there are a lot of things that I have done that I haven't marked off. Most of them are in progress. Some have been put off for a time, like potty training Nathaniel. (We'll be starting that again in December.) Others will not be completed. Think paying off credit cards... but they'll be closer!
I am not sure if I can share my wish with the blogging world or not. Is it like a birthday wish that you can't reveal or it won't come true? Is it like blowing eyelashes away?
For now, I will keep it a secret wish. I am just really hoping it comes true!
EDITED: Kick ass!!!! I have also taken a continuing education class, and skipping down the sidewalk! (I actually did it the other day with Nathaniel, and then again this morning when we were leaving the doctor's office!) I had forgotten that it was on my list. And, I will be completing anohter one in the next month or so- seeing Breaking Dawn with my mom.
I have completed 32 of my goals!!! 32% finished! yay me!!!!
I am hoping that there are a lot of things that I have done that I haven't marked off. Most of them are in progress. Some have been put off for a time, like potty training Nathaniel. (We'll be starting that again in December.) Others will not be completed. Think paying off credit cards... but they'll be closer!
I am not sure if I can share my wish with the blogging world or not. Is it like a birthday wish that you can't reveal or it won't come true? Is it like blowing eyelashes away?
For now, I will keep it a secret wish. I am just really hoping it comes true!
EDITED: Kick ass!!!! I have also taken a continuing education class, and skipping down the sidewalk! (I actually did it the other day with Nathaniel, and then again this morning when we were leaving the doctor's office!) I had forgotten that it was on my list. And, I will be completing anohter one in the next month or so- seeing Breaking Dawn with my mom.
I have completed 32 of my goals!!! 32% finished! yay me!!!!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Hungry
I am so stinking hungry!!!! It probably doesn't help that I have my lunch right in front of me, but lunch time is still an hour away. I'd like to try to hold out until 1:20, when my class goes to gym, because I didn't plan ahead and didn't bring any snacks for the afternoon. I am trying really hard to eat well, but it's a struggle right now. More so than usual.
I am so damn tired that I hope if I eat I will have some energy. It's not working.
I am so damn tired that I hope if I eat I will have some energy. It's not working.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Christmas Music (and Being Sappy)
So it's no surprise to anyone that knows me- I love Christmas. The sighs, the sounds, the food, the happiness (usually). I love to be generous whenever I can at Christmas. I always give too much. I just can't help myself!
But this year is different. Well, actually, this year is a lot like Christmas three years ago, when I was pregnant with Nathaniel. But I am getting off track here.
I was on my way home from the doctor's office today, with Nathaniel in the car with me. I was listening to 93.9 on the radio. They had some beraking news to report... not in and of itself something to remember, and given that it was 5 pm, it was newstime. And then they said it. They were switching on "the Christmas Lite!" I was so excited that I got to hear it.
Then I listened to what the first song was. My song for Christmas. When I was pregnant with Nathaniel, every time I heard "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey (of whom I am NOT a fan) I would sing that all I wanted for Christmas was you (him) to be healthy. And he was born healthy and still is healthy and I am blessed.
For the past week, they have been playing some Christmas music here and there, but I've only heard three songs. Holly Jolly Christmas, Michael Buble's version of All I want for Christmas, and Mariah Carey's. Now, Holly Jolly means nothing to me, but when I was on my way to the doctors office I was scared and asked for a sign. I heard the song. I sang it to my tummy.
And today, on my way home from the doctor (after switching to insulin because it's the best thing and the safest for the baby) I got to hear it again. And I sang it to Nathaniel and my tummy. The simple pleasure in that moment made me cry so hard I nearly had to pull over. I couldn't see through the tears.
I know that people who read this will think I am an idiot, or at the very least a sap, but I have to say that God is always making appearances. We just have to be open to seeing (hearing) the signs of his love, guidance, and reassurance.
But this year is different. Well, actually, this year is a lot like Christmas three years ago, when I was pregnant with Nathaniel. But I am getting off track here.
I was on my way home from the doctor's office today, with Nathaniel in the car with me. I was listening to 93.9 on the radio. They had some beraking news to report... not in and of itself something to remember, and given that it was 5 pm, it was newstime. And then they said it. They were switching on "the Christmas Lite!" I was so excited that I got to hear it.
Then I listened to what the first song was. My song for Christmas. When I was pregnant with Nathaniel, every time I heard "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey (of whom I am NOT a fan) I would sing that all I wanted for Christmas was you (him) to be healthy. And he was born healthy and still is healthy and I am blessed.
For the past week, they have been playing some Christmas music here and there, but I've only heard three songs. Holly Jolly Christmas, Michael Buble's version of All I want for Christmas, and Mariah Carey's. Now, Holly Jolly means nothing to me, but when I was on my way to the doctors office I was scared and asked for a sign. I heard the song. I sang it to my tummy.
And today, on my way home from the doctor (after switching to insulin because it's the best thing and the safest for the baby) I got to hear it again. And I sang it to Nathaniel and my tummy. The simple pleasure in that moment made me cry so hard I nearly had to pull over. I couldn't see through the tears.
I know that people who read this will think I am an idiot, or at the very least a sap, but I have to say that God is always making appearances. We just have to be open to seeing (hearing) the signs of his love, guidance, and reassurance.
Oops, Sorry Everyone
It was pointed out to me that I never revealed the results of my blood test from last week. My bad. Yes, it is confirmed that I am indeed pregnant. My beta levels were exactly where they shoul be for how far along I am. I go back on Friday to have another blood test done (oh, yay- insert eyeroll here) to make sure that they are going in the right direction.
Believe me, they are.
Believe me, they are.
Doctor Appointment Today
So, today's the day. I go see the doc and get switched to insulin for the next 9 months. Is it wrong to be excited about that? On the one hand, I know that this will be so much better for my sugar control. I will be able to "dial a dose" and inject myself and know that what I am eating is going to be ok.
On the other hand, I am worried that I will use it as a lisence to eat crap. Just take a little more insulin and french fries be damned! (and I had some fries last night and they were sooooo good!!!!- but I didn't eat the whole bag. Yay for me.)
I will be taking Nathaniel with me, which isn't going to be fun, but it's what I have to do. He will play with his trains on the table and drive me crazy I'm sure, but what other choice is there? I have no one to rely on.
It really worries me for when I have to start going to the doctor more often. What am I going to do then?
But one day at a time. Today I am going to the doctor and switch to insulin. That's all I can handle right now.
On the other hand, I am worried that I will use it as a lisence to eat crap. Just take a little more insulin and french fries be damned! (and I had some fries last night and they were sooooo good!!!!- but I didn't eat the whole bag. Yay for me.)
I will be taking Nathaniel with me, which isn't going to be fun, but it's what I have to do. He will play with his trains on the table and drive me crazy I'm sure, but what other choice is there? I have no one to rely on.
It really worries me for when I have to start going to the doctor more often. What am I going to do then?
But one day at a time. Today I am going to the doctor and switch to insulin. That's all I can handle right now.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Still Hanging On
I want to barf!!
I want to sleep!!
My pants are not fitting comfortably!!
I couldn't be happier!!!
I go to the doctor tomorrow and then again on Friday (two different doctors), and although I am not looking forward to all those copays, I know it will be worth it. Now, if I could just get comfy and be awake!
I want to sleep!!
My pants are not fitting comfortably!!
I couldn't be happier!!!
I go to the doctor tomorrow and then again on Friday (two different doctors), and although I am not looking forward to all those copays, I know it will be worth it. Now, if I could just get comfy and be awake!
Monday, November 7, 2011
So Doggone Tired!
I am so ready for bed, and can't convince Nathaniel that it's time for bed. I know it's not quite 7:30, but come on. It's been dark for two hours already.
I know that I could get him into bed and turn on an hour long episode of Mickey Mouse, but what kind of mom does that make me?
I go back to the doctor for another check up/ blood draw on Friday. Even though it's Veteran's day, and I am not working, I think I will take Nathaniel to school for the day. I want to get some sleep and I'd like spend some time with Pat.
I get to talk to him every day, but I didn't get to see him today. He'll be home about 4 am, and it makes me sad. I miss him so much, and I really try to recognize the sacrifice that he is making by being away. It's really hard for me to do that though, as I never get a second to myself anymore. And, I'm really effing tired.
I know that I could get him into bed and turn on an hour long episode of Mickey Mouse, but what kind of mom does that make me?
I go back to the doctor for another check up/ blood draw on Friday. Even though it's Veteran's day, and I am not working, I think I will take Nathaniel to school for the day. I want to get some sleep and I'd like spend some time with Pat.
I get to talk to him every day, but I didn't get to see him today. He'll be home about 4 am, and it makes me sad. I miss him so much, and I really try to recognize the sacrifice that he is making by being away. It's really hard for me to do that though, as I never get a second to myself anymore. And, I'm really effing tired.
Friday, November 4, 2011
How Do I Continue to Believe?
How can I go on? "Because you have to" isn't an answer for me today. Fuck "have to." And fuck the people that say it.
I took several pregnancy tests this week, but when I went to the doctor, my test was negative. I was told to go home and wait to miscarry. The nurses did take blood, to do a beta draw, but I won't get those results until Monday. In the meantime...
How do I have hope? It implies that there is still some "positive" in me. The same goes for believing.
I try so hard to be positive, but I can't right now. A friend of mine led me to a misdiagnosed miscarriage website, which I have found to be helpful. They are stories of women who have been told they were going to miscarry. Some of them did, but most of them went on to have a healthy pregnancy. All I know is that I will not be having a D&C any time soon. I will refuse it until I can't refuse it anymore, in hopes of seeing a heartbeat. Now, if I lose it naturally, then there's nothing that can be done.
Somehow I will go on. But I will always feel more broken than mended, no matter what else happens in my life. 3 strikes and you're out, right? I can't ride this emotional roller coaster any more and won't ever do it again.
I took several pregnancy tests this week, but when I went to the doctor, my test was negative. I was told to go home and wait to miscarry. The nurses did take blood, to do a beta draw, but I won't get those results until Monday. In the meantime...
How do I have hope? It implies that there is still some "positive" in me. The same goes for believing.
I try so hard to be positive, but I can't right now. A friend of mine led me to a misdiagnosed miscarriage website, which I have found to be helpful. They are stories of women who have been told they were going to miscarry. Some of them did, but most of them went on to have a healthy pregnancy. All I know is that I will not be having a D&C any time soon. I will refuse it until I can't refuse it anymore, in hopes of seeing a heartbeat. Now, if I lose it naturally, then there's nothing that can be done.
Somehow I will go on. But I will always feel more broken than mended, no matter what else happens in my life. 3 strikes and you're out, right? I can't ride this emotional roller coaster any more and won't ever do it again.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Not Again!!!!
I feel like I have to put this out there, even though I hadn't planned on doing this for quite a while. I don't know why God has decided that this is the path for my life, but it is beginning to make me question everything.
You see, very late Monday night, I took a pregnancy test. Although the second line was faint, it was there. I am pregnant!!! I was over the moon thrilled about it. Pat was less than thrilled, but supportive and happy. I took another test Tuesday morning, and it looked like the line was a little fainter. But it was still there.
Today, Wednesday, I took a digital to confirm that I am pregnant. It said "Not Pregnant."
I am just destroyed. Although I haven't gotten my period yet (which means there's a tiny chance of hope) I just can't bring myself around to believe that this time will be different. I am crushed. I am mad. I am really fucking pissed off. I am hoping I am wrong.
So if you read this, please say a prayer for me. I know I ask this a lot, but this was my last chance...
You see, very late Monday night, I took a pregnancy test. Although the second line was faint, it was there. I am pregnant!!! I was over the moon thrilled about it. Pat was less than thrilled, but supportive and happy. I took another test Tuesday morning, and it looked like the line was a little fainter. But it was still there.
Today, Wednesday, I took a digital to confirm that I am pregnant. It said "Not Pregnant."
I am just destroyed. Although I haven't gotten my period yet (which means there's a tiny chance of hope) I just can't bring myself around to believe that this time will be different. I am crushed. I am mad. I am really fucking pissed off. I am hoping I am wrong.
So if you read this, please say a prayer for me. I know I ask this a lot, but this was my last chance...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)