How Do I Let It Go?

So one of my most difficult goals is goal number 25: Forgive and Forget. It is in regards to one person in particular, and although there was never any physical pain, the emotional and mental pain is still there.

Some backgroud, as I see it, and it's kind of impossible to give this person any anonymity when describing this, so oh well. Everything was fine when Pat and I were dating. Then we got engaged. The very night we told this person, his attitude towards me began to change. It TRIED to get more controlling, but I am not one to be controlled by others, so that didn't sit well with him. As we planned the wedding, it got worse. Everything had to be his way, although he wasn't paying for anything. (I found out recently that Pat hadn't asked him for the money he said he was going to give us, simply so that I could have the wedding I wanted and not this person's idea of what we should have. I love him for that, but I harbored a lot of resentment towards the original pisser-offer for it.)

While we were still planning the wedding, this person TOLD (not asked) me to also find a house that he would buy for us so that we wouldn't have to struggle. Now, I realize that this next part is going to make me sound like a spoiled brat, but it is what it is. We found a few houses, but I really didn't like the arrangement, since I knew how controlling this person could be, but I went along, for the sake of my soon to be hubby. We finally found a house and it was purchased and then, as often happens in life, illness took a hold in our family, at the same time I found out I was pregnant with Nathaniel. But, the house was bought before I knew about Nathaniel, although the closing was about a month after I found out. Closing was right before Thanksgiving.

The day of the closing we talked about paint colors. Specifically what paint colors I wanted in the house. He even gave me a book to choose from. So I chose. Two days later, he called Pat screaming about how I was a spolied princess and everything was going to be painted bone white, because that's what he wanted to paint it. Whe even ask me then? This caused another huge fight between him and Pat.

Fast forward about 6 months. It is now late March and Pat and I are moving into the house. I was not carrying any boxes, but I was putting them all away. Being 7 months pregnant, I thought it unwise to lift the huge boxes. I had packed them all, and I was unpacking them all, but I wasn't carrying them. Pat and my Mom moved them all. Well, this person had a coniption fit that I wasn't helping mvoe the boxes. Why it made a difference to him is beyond me to start with, but he was pissed. When Pat explained to him that my pregnancy was high risk and that's why I wasn't moving them, he responded with "I don't give a shit."

To hate me is one thing, but to not care about my unborn child's life? That's inexcusable. But again, it's not like HE was moving the boxes.

We moved in and started getting comfortable, but this person, seeing as he owned the place, would come over whenever he felt like it and come right in without knocking or ringing the bell. (Do you know what that did to my blood pressure? And how dangerous that is for a pregnant women? Again he said he didn't care.) He threatened to take things away form Pat if we didn't name Nathaniel after him. I mean, really?

We sat down to discuss the rent payments. Remember when I said he bought the house so we wouldn't have to struggle? Well, at first the rent was "don't worry about it." Then it was "Pay me whatever." Then it was $500. Still doable for us, although it was hard to know what I could afford for Nathaniel since I never knew when the rent had to be paid or how much it was going to be.

The final straw in the whole situation came when I was on spring break and Pat and I were looking at buying another couch for the living room, since we only had one. I had extra money coming in from a baby sitting job, and we were planning on putting some money aside for the next month so that we could buy the couch. This person called Pat while we were inside the furniture store and when Pat told him what we were doing, he started screaming at him over the phone. It was so loud that other people in the store could hear. I was embarrassed and humiliated. He was screaming that we hadn't paid any rent because we couldn't afford to but we had enough to go out and buy a couch. First of all, we hadn't paid any rent because he still hadn't determined how much we were going to pay, and secondly we weren't buying a couch- we were pricing them to figure out how long we would have to save before we could buy it.

Things went bad after that. Pat and I started looking for apartments to move into, because even he realized that he couldn't live under this kind of pressure. Two days later, the PITA called and said that he wanted us to sign a two year lease. I told Pat that I couldn't do that, because I didn't know what the rent was and with him popping in whenever he felt like it, I coouldn't live like that and that we didn't know how much we were going to be paying for Nathaniel expenses. Pat agreed with me and so we told him no. He told us to be out by the weekend. It was a Thursday. We were supposed to have our child care class that weekend (How to take care of a newborn baby- we had no idea) and instead of doing that, we were throwing things back into boxes and begging people to help us move. I was nearly 8 months along, and this person had already said he didn't give a shit about my baby.

We found a place to live, but the apartment wouldn't be available for 2 weeks. We moved into a hotel for those 2 weeks, and spent nearly $1200 to stay there. (We had to have a place with a fridge, since I was taking insulin 4 times a day. It sent us into even more debt.)

There have been several other things over the past two years, but to apease Pat, I let him come to the hospital when Nathaniel was born. I always give him new pictures of Nathaniel when we get them taken. And, although I was really pissed about it (and I mean really pissed) I let Pat agree to have Nathaniel's Baptism dinner where it was at.

Now this person keeps insisting that he gets to buy Nathaniel every "first" thing.. first bike, first dog, first everything. We keep telling him no, since it's my RIGHT as Nathaniel's parent to do these things. (Spoiled brat on my end, I know, but that's too damn bad. He's my son and I get to do it.)

I know that I have to forgive and forget, because this hatred clouds everything, and I don't want Nathaniel to have bad feelings towards him because of me. So how do I let it go? I know that he truly does love Nathaniel, and that goes a long way with me, and he would never do anything to hurt him, but I just can't let go of all that past. How do I forgive and forget? Every time I see him it brings up all the bad. I try so hard when we're in front of Nathaniel to be cool and civil, but I just can't. And I know that smart cookie will figure it out sooner or later. He wants to control everything and I don't respond well to that. At. All.

This will be one that is so hard to do and I know it will take some time.
Wow, did this get long.