Not My Intention

I wasn't my intention to have this blog turn in to a weight loss blog. I know there are millions of them out there. But this forum is really helping me to release a lot of what has been on my mind lately, and for that, I am grateful. I think, though, that since one of my goals is to lose 50 pounds, I can feel free to write about whatever little idiot thing pops into my head about my weight loss journey.

For example, this morning I woke up at 2:30. (Caffeine and Nathaniel helped that.) Normally, I would have gone into the kitchen, rumaged around and found some junk to eat. Instead, I thought about what I wanted to eat today in an effort to lose weight. I imagined myself in May, when Pat is throwing a surprise party for his dad, and I see people that I haven't seen in months. All the "Damn, you look good"s that I will hear. I imagined myself in June, when I am off for the summer, and Nathaniel and I are running around at the park. Was that really me? RUNNING???? I imagined myself in the 100's weight group... a place I've not been in longer than I care to mention. I imagined myself returning to school in the fall and people not recognizing me. I imagined myself pregnant again, this time with an adorable bump. People could tell that I was expecting, not just thinking I was fat(ter).

It was a powerful morning for me. I need to hold on to those images for when things get tough. I need to hold on to those images for when I want to quit. I need to hold on to those images when the scale or tape measure gets stuck. I need to hold on to those images for when I don't want to work out. I need to hold on to those images so that I can picture the new me, the healthy me, the thin me. A girl I've never seen and can't wait to meet.