Tomorrow, I start honestly working on another goal- lose 50 pounds. To do this, I am joining with a loved one and starting Atkins. I am hopeful about this. I get to eat meat. I get to eat when I am hungry. And, I get to eat a fast food burger if I want it. If I was to tell myself "no more fast food" that would be the first, last and only food on the planet that I would want. Once I got there, instead of having one small burger, I would eat three burgers or a double whopper, or something equally disgusting (plus fries and a pop, even if I only wanted a burger). But knowing that I can have it gives ME the power.
I know that some people will never understand this, but there it is. Food has an incredible power over me.
The only time I had control over food was when I was pregnant with Nathaniel. I had no choice but to take care of my eating, because it wasn't about me. It was about him and his development. I cry thinking about how easy it was to give myself over to that, and how impossible it has been every day since he was born to do it again.
So today I say goodbye to biscuits and gravy, spaghetti and garlic bread, popcorn, and pizza. I admit openly and honestly, I feel like shit right now, but I also know that in a few short days, I will start feeling awesome.
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