Not a Baby Any More

I found this post from I blog that I had when I was pregnant with Nathaniel. I was documenting everything so that I wouldn't forget. This was from June 26, 2009. I had been to the hospital the day before to fill out my admission papers and do my pre-surgery bloodwork. We had a C-section scheduled for July 6, 2009 becuase he was breech.

He's turned
Posted Friday, June 26, 2009 3:15 PM

We went for another BPP today and found out that Nathaniel has finally turned head down. I hope he stays that way for the next week and a half. On TUesday, I will tell Dr. A. and find out what he recommends. I don't want to do the C if we don't have to, but it's still a possibility due to all the other risks. I really just want to be done with the pregnancy. I was all set to have only 10 days left, and to be home in two weeks. Now, this might not happen. I know that a vaginal birth would be easier to recover from, but I really liked the idea of knowing. I am so glad that I didn't write his birthday in the announcements yet. (The actual reason was that I was hoping that he would turn.) Now, Pat and I have a decision to make on what we want to do. As I said before, I really want to be done, but I don't want to just have a C-section to be done. I don't know if he'll induce me (the plan was to do it at 39 weeks anyway, so we'll talk about that) or if the doc will want me to just go on and wait. I can't do that anymore. I can't take the stress of not being able to guarantee that he will be safe and born healthy. I have had increasingly disturbing nightmares. I can't sleep past 3 am anymore, and I get really uncomfy at night. I just want to hold my son. It will be a long weekend until Tuesday comes around.


It's so funny to me to see those lines like "I cann't do this anymore." or "I just want to be done with this pregnancy."

Even funnier is the fact that we went to the hospital the very next day, and he was born on the 28th. I never got to see Dr. A. to tell him that Nathaniel had turned!

It's so hard to believe that it's been two years. Even harder still to realize that he's not a baby any more. Yesterday, at breakfast, I was holding his cup so that he could drink and not spill. (The waitress had filled it quite high.) While I was holding it, he says, "I do it, Mama! I do it!" And so I let go. My baby is capable of doing so many things, and he just amazes me more and more every day.

Now I have to change. I can't call him Baby any more and I can't ask Pat to get the baby. He's not a baby any more...