So I Guess It's Been A While

What can I say? I've been busy. I don't even know the last time I entered anyhting on this blog. THere's just been so much going on lately. More than that I guess is the fact that I've just been so damn tired every day.

I went back to work the first day of school in August and it's been pretty much non stop since then. I have had a very difficult time adjusting my time and patience with working and being a mom. If I'm honest with myself, it's been fucking terrible.

The first day of school, I came home and cried. I told Pat that chase could take the house, but I wasn't going back to work. And it wasn't becuase I missed my children. I did, obviously, but I knew they were safe and happy. It was just that I hated the students in my classroom.

The second day, I made Pat take us out for dinner and I got drunk. Yeah, that bad.

The third day, Nathaniel was acting out really bad and I had just had it. I got up and tore after him, ready to yell and scream at him. He stood there, terrified out of his mind saying "No Mommy, no!" That was the end of that. I just sooped him up and cried and cried.

Since then, I have left all the school bullshit at school. It's been much better since then.

SO that's that.

Veronica is now over 3 months old. I can't believe how much faster the time is going this time than it did when Nathaniel was a baby. She (other than today) is an incredible baby. Since she was 6 weeks old, she's slept all night. She goes to bed around 8 and sleeps until 6:30. I often have to wake her so that she can eat breakfast before she goes to daycare.

Nathaniel decided about 2 months ago that he was done using diapers. He started by peeing twice at school and then I sent him in underwear two days later. That was it. He's had maybe 4 accidents since then, and he even sleeps in underwear at night. He is so good at going on the toilet that you'd think he'd been doing it all his life.

Pat is doing well. Working long hours for crap pay, but at least he's employed. That's kind of all we ask for now. I mean, everyone works long hours and doesn't make enough money, right?

As for me, well, I have started Atkins again. I lost 7 pounds last week. I;m sure it would have been more if I had exercised and drank more water. I have to do better this week. ALso, my high school reunion was this past weekend. I went to the football game, but didn't bother to go to the actual reunion. With our budget being so tight, I couldn't justify spending $150 for Pat and I to sit at Balmoral race track with a bunch of people I didn't like 20 years ago.

God, 20 years. Where has it gone?

But, after the game, I was able to leave the school with my head held high and on my own terms. I feel like that part of my life has finally ended and I can close the book on all that shit. Then, I went to go get something to eat, since the salad I had eaten wasn't enough. I stopped at Micky's to get a patty melt ad fries. Oh, how I love those fries! I sat in the drive thru and they made me wait. While waiting, the theme from Rocky came on. How many more signs did I need? I did not order anything to eat. I was able to pass up fries and junk food. I was (am) very proud of myself. I was even able to resist it all weekend long.

Coming up we have a very busy month full of tempting junk food. The week is Pat and my 4th aniversary, and we will be going out to get something to eat. The weekend after that is Pumpkin Fest in our town. We'll be going and Nathaniel is very excited about going on his hat ride. The weekend after that is both Larry's 6th birthday party and Amber's confirmation party. Then it's Halloween- candy. If I can get through this month, it should be smooth sailing.

Wish me luck!

Accomplished more things

I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself at the moment. I was able to check off six more things from my 101 things to do list. That's pretty impressive, if you ask me.

The things I did: 1. have another baby. 2. See Breaking Dawn with Mom. 3. Create a will. 4. Use reusable grocery bags for 6 months. 5. Make homemade mac and cheese. 6. Keep the car clean for a month (too bad it isn't clean right now!)

That means I have 39 things done, and I am 39% finished. There will be a few that never get done. I will not be able to pay off my credit cxard debt. I will never be able to forgive and forget, since the person is dead now. (And I am ok with that. Maybe someday it will happen.)

Some of the things that I have in progress may not happen before time expires, but I haev hope. The lose 50 pounds one. I am trying, but nothing seems to be working. I mean, I lost 30 pounds earlier this year, but that was from having Veronica. I gained a total of 50 pounds with her, but am stuck with 20 of them (just like I was after Nathaniel was born... ugh.). I know that if I moved more I would lose more weight, but I am so fucking tired by the time I get home and that's usually when Veronica wants another bottle. When that's done, I make dinner and then we eat. Then I have to get the kids ready for bed. I could work out after they go to bed, but I am beat by then. What a catch 22. If I exercised, I would have more energy, but I don't have the energy to do it. Oh the oxymorons of life!

SO basically, I wanted to update on here what's going on with the original intention for this blog. Hopefully when life calms down a bit, I can get back to focusing more effort into the list.

Been Busy

It's been a while since I've been able to write anything. I never imagined how much having a second child would change our lives. I mean, I only added one person, but I am doing tons more laundry and running the dishwasher every single day, sometimes more than once. It's insane.

On a sad note, today ends my maternity leave. While I am anxious to get back to work (well, getting a paycheck anyway) I am sad to be leaving my kids. I spent part of the day trying to get stuff together for work tomorrow. I have already made my lunch (and it;s mostly healthy!) and picked out clothes for the kids for tomorrow. But still have tons to do. It will be a long night.

But, in the mean time, I have taken a few pics of the kids. They are adorable, if I do say so myself. Here's a few.

Veronica, close up.



Nathaniel and Veronica



At Lake Katherine



Me and my bug

Introducing Veronica Lynn!

She's here!!!!! She's finally here!!!! And she's beatiful!!! There will be pictures at the end, if I can remember how to put them in.

Yesterday, June 29, 2012, Pat and I left the house to go to the hospital. We got there around 8:30 am, and I checked in with registration and went up to Labor and Delivery, to room 457. I got hooked up to the monitors. To no one's surprise, they couldn't find Veronica's heartbeat. I wasn't too worried (ha ha) as I had felt her moving when we left the house, but that old friend anxiety popped up to say hello anyway. After a while, they finally got her on and we started the paperwork process. It felt like it was taking forever, when in reality, I took about a half hour. Then the nurses tried to put in the IV.

OUCH!!!!!! One nurse, one poke- no IV. Another nurse, another poke- no IV. hey gave up and called the anastestiologist which is spelled wrong, but you know I'm talking about the drug doc). She came in and was able to get it in and get out a few vials of blood. Unfortunately, I sprung a leak. I bled all over my hand and down on the floor. Not the way I wanted my day to start!

So, we just pretty much sat and waited, and watched the clock get closer and closer to 10:30. A few minutes after 10, a nurse came in and said that my c-section might get bumped. I had been so worried about that with all the heat we've been having. I started to cry. The nurses assured me that I would still have the c/s that day, but it might be a few hours later. At 10:40, they came and gave me the good news: it was time to go.

And that's when I got nervous! I was wheeled into the OR, and got up on the table. As I waited to get my spinal, I started to get scared. What if something happened to me while I'm on the table? What if the med student helping the drug doc fucks up and I become paralyzed? What if my BP goes too high or too low?

Well, of course, all my fears were unfounded. I was drugged and then Dr. A came in and said hi. I must have been a little loopy, because I remember him shaking me a bit. I focused and told him I was really happy to see him and thanked him for not standing me up. We joked for a bit, and then it was on.

I felt a lot more pressure, tugging and pulling this time around. I'm not sure if that was because I was expecting to be feeling it or if it was because when Nathaniel was born I had already been in labor and was exhausted. Whatever the reason, it was pretty weird to feel all that and not have any control over my body.

After waiting anxiously for what seemed like an eternity, at 11:47 am, Veronica Lynn was pulled out and Dr. A. announced "It's a girl!" and we heard her cry. Wow, she had some lungs on her! She was giving good long cries, and then Dr. A. held her up for us to see. At first glance, she looked huge! I didn't get to see Nathaniel "in the raw" when he was born, so maybe that's why she looked so big. I have to admit, it was kinda icky. But she was beautiful.

Born at 11:47 am, Veronica weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces, and was 19 inches long. After she was cleaned up a bit, I was unstrapped from the table (well, my arms were) and I was allowed to give her some kisses and touch her sweet little head. She and Pat left the OR, and I was stitched back up and stapled together. I heard the staple gun and asked if that's what I was hearing. Apparently, they now make dissoleable staples. Who knew? I was wheeled into the recovery room about 12:10 and focused on breathing and trying to move my legs. It was very "Kill Bill" in that I tried to wiggle my toe. I remember doing the same thing after Nathaniel was born and chuckled about it.

It's a very odd feeling to know that you are trying to move a toe and you see your whole leg jump. I wish I were wordy enough to describe it in detail, but I think it's one of those things that unless you experience, you can never fully understand.

The spinal wore off faster than the epidural did, and about an hour after surgery, I was wheeled into my room to finish recovering and to see my sweet baby. She is just incredible. Unfortunately, by the time I recoverred enough to get back in there, my mom had already left to go pick up Nathaniel from school. I missed having her there immediately.

I got to meet Veronica around 2:00 and I honestly think she is the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. I am far more blessed than I ever dared or hoped to be. I truly am one of the luckiest women on the planet.

My Last Pre-baby Post

Well, we're just about there. Thank you Jesus for letting us get this far. There were many many moments when I didn't think I'd be here, 38w5d pregnant. This is the most pregnant I've ever been, or ever will be (Thank you permanent birth control!), since Nathaniel was born at 38w3d.

This week has been interesting, to say the least. On Saturday, I went for my BPP and NST at the hospital. The parking garage was closed and I had to park 2 blocks away and walk. OMG it was hot and I was so tired! But I got in there and went to do the monitoring. The u/s went well and then I went upstairs to do the NST. Much to my surprise, that went well too. Normally it takes me about 90 minutes to get the 25 minute test done, but I guess she was being a good girl since we needed to get back for Nathaniel's birthday party.

So we got home around noon, which was great becasue the party was starting at 1 pm. Had a great time, ate some great food and hung out with our family. But I was really ready for everyone to leave when it was over. I was exhausted!!!

Sunday passed pretty uneventfully, as did Monday. But then came Tuesday. I got on the scale and it said I had gained three pounds overnight. Dr. A. called and said that I had to go for another u/s and NST to make sure that everything was fine. I tried to explain to the nurse that I was wearing clothes, but he's the boss so off I went. Unfortunately, that meant I needed someone to pick up Nathaniel from school. I called my mom and she was able to get him, thank goodness. I had called her around 10:45, when the office called me, because I knew that there was no way I'd be in and out in three hours.

I was right. Turns out I had to do bloodwork and a pee test as well as the u/s and NST. I got to the hospital at 11:30 and left around 3 pm. Then it took me well over an hour to get home (damn construction). I was just beat.

I was super pissed too, since yesterday was the last day I had to really get anything done before Veronica is born. (I had a doc appointment today, and tomorrow is N's birthday. Then we'll be at the hospital having her!) I was also pissed because I physically felt good for the first time in months and I had to waste the day in L&D. But whatever, better safe than sorry, right? At this point I have about 42 hours to go. I can't wait to be done with this part of our life.

Today is Wednesday, and Pat was off today, so after my appointment, we were able to go out for lunch, just the two (and a half) of us. It was really nice to just be together. It will be a long time until we get to do that again. I also got to enjoy one of my last hot meals. I remember that really well from when Nathaniel was a newborn.

I hated the newborn phase. I hope that it passes quickly. I think I just have to try to remember that it's only temporary. Maybe because I've gone through it once (and know how fast it goes in reality) it won't be as bad this time. That's my hope anyway.

So just a little under two days to go. I will of course post some pictures here and type out the birth story, because I like to have a record of it, but I don't know exactly when that will happen. Right now, I just have to get through tonight and tomorrow and try not to melt. (102 degrees tomorrow. Ick!) Goodbye life with one child. Hello to life with two!

38 weeks- Pumpkin

Holy fuck, there's a pumpkin inside my belly!!!

Actually, that explains a lot. What a week it's been. Tuesday night, I had some bad pains in my right side, but didn't do anything because I was going to the doctor on Wednesday morning, as usual. I got there, and they hooked me up to the NST machine, but I was hurting really bad so they sent me to the hospital to get checked out.

I had another BPP of Veronica, and she was doing well, and then they did an u/s of my liver, gall bladder, kidney and pancreas. Everything looked normal on the u/s. It wasn't her feet casing the pain, because I was in pain when she wasn't moving them. I was sent up to labor and delivery to be monitored there.

Once again, I was hooked up to the NST machine, but I was just there. For three hours I was there. Around 3:30, they decided to keep me overnight for observations. At this point, Pat was already on his way to the hospital, and my mom had already picked Nathaniel up from school. My pain was subsiding, but I wanted to know what the heck was going on.

I was transferred to an LDR room, and started a 24 hour pee catch. I also had an IV lock put in (in case I needed the IV) and they took 8 vials of blood. 8!!! I was given dinner at 5:15 and scarfed it down in record time. Unfortunately, since I hadn't eaten since 8 am, it made me sick. I ate too fast. I will try to remember that come next Saturday night, when I should be able to eat after the c/s. They tested my blood sugar at 7:30 and asked how my pain was. I told them it was pretty much gone. The nurses called Dr. A. with my lab work results, blood sugar, and pain level (when I went in it was 6 to7 on a 1-10 scale). At 8:30ish, the nurse came in and said that I could go home if I wanted to, since the pain was gone and the labs looked good. I was quite pleased to go home, even if it was with Veronica still inside. I was really ready to have her out, though, I can tell you that.

So home we went, to find Nathaniel wide awake and jumping all over the place (thanks, Grandma), but happy to see him. I really missed him when I Was in the hospital. I don't know how I will actually do it when I will be gone for three days! But he was really excited to see us too.

So, long story short (too late) they couldn't figure out what was giving me so much pain. And I went home, for the second time, without an outside baby. I have to wait until Friday the 29th after all. It's just one more week, so I think we can make it. It will be kinda cool for my kids to have back to back birthdays, so we'll focus on that. Tomorrow will be N's birthday party (after another trip to the hospital for monitoring, like I do every Saturday), and then Wednesday's appointment with Dr. A. 7 more days!!!

SO here's what's going on inside this week.

Yow! If you feel a sort of lightening bolt running up and down your legs (and in your crotch), don’t freak out. At 38 weeks, baby’s probably sitting pretty low in your pelvis, which means he’s bumping into all kinds of nerves down there -- including some pretty sensitive ones you might not know you had. Be on the lookout for signs of labor, including contractions that come on stronger, at more regular intervals, and the “bloody show.” It could happen any day now -- or it might not be for a few weeks. Until then, try to relax.

Your baby's the size of a pumpkin! Baby is about 18.9 to 20.9 inches long and weighs about 6.2 to 9.2 pounds. Her head is now about the same circumference as her abdomen.

She may have about an inch or so of hair already. She's slowly shedding that white goo on her skin (called vernix caseosa) but you might see some of it at birth

Tired of Stupid People

I know it's the worst thing in the world to be tired of, because they will never go away, but seriously, I just want to take people and shake them or slap the ever-loving shit out of them. Like the people who see my big old belly and ask if this is my first child. I could see people asking that if I were alone, but did they not see the three year old child in the cart that looks just like me and calls me Mommy????

Or the people on the online community I belong to asking if each little ache and pain is the beginning of their labor. My crystal ball says "call your fucking doctor!"

Or, on the same community, the people that swear that babies are born during the full moon, and then get all butt hurt when I tell them that yes, ALL babies are born during a full moon. EVERY SINGLE LITTLE FUCKER ON THE PLANET.

So obviously, I have just no patience left.

The heat doesn't really help anything, nor does this pain. I have had a few contractions today, nothing regular, or I'd be at the hospital, but painful enough to make me nauseous. Maybe she'll come earlier than the 29th. WHich, for those keeping track, is 10 days away.

Yeah, shit gets real when you can see the prediction for the weather the day your kid is scheudled to be born. Or when you can say "Next week" when sane people ask when you are due/having your baby. Yes, next week. That sounds so close. On Saturday, I can change that to "Friday."

In the event that I do go early, I have Nathaniel's bag for swim day at school all ready to go, which is Thursday, along with his birthday bags, which is next Thursday. So at least I have something accomplished, right? I really should repack N's suitcase, in case of an emergency like last week.

Bottom line, I really do have tons of stuff to do, but no desire or energy to get any of it done. At least tomorrow is Patty Melt Wednesday. Mmmmmm...

37 Weeks- Winter Melon (and FULL TERM!!!!)

We have made it to full term!!!! Veronica is 37 weeks gestational age and can come at any time. Speaking of that, Pat and I went to Labor and Delivery (L&D) at the hospital last night. I couldn't feel her moving at all, and was really worried. Fortunatley, she passed the NST and they let us come home. Unfortunately, she passed the test and they sent us home. I think we were both really ready for her to be born. Acording to today's u/s, she weighs at least 6.5 pounds and could be up to 8.5 right now. I hope she's on the smaller side, to be honest. I have lots of NB sized clothes that I'd like her to wear. But, so long as she is healthy, it's all going to be good.

Now, here's what's going on now.

Get excited. At 37 weeks, your baby has reached full term. That means he’s developed his most crucial functions. Of course, he’ll get even healthier and stronger over the next few weeks, so don’t get too impatient. Around week 37, many moms-to-be find themselves organizing cupboards and scrubbing their floors. That’s the nesting instinct kicking in as your body senses baby will be here shortly. It also might be your brain’s way of making sure you’re prepared for just about anything, so you can feel like you have an extra edge on this whole new parent thing.

Your baby's the size of a winter melon! Yay! Baby has reached full term. He likely measures around 18.9 to 20.9 inches and weighs about 6.2 to 9.2 pounds. He's gaining about 1/2 ounce each day.

He's practicing some skills: inhaling, exhaling, sucking, gripping and blinking. He's getting his first sticky poop (called meconium) ready for his first diaper.

Ketchup

OK, technically, catch up, but ketchup sounds good right now. I am going to try to catch up on stuff that's been going on for the past few weeks, but my mind is not what it used to be and I'm pretty sure there will be some back and forth going from thing to thing, with some holes thrown in there for good measure.

After my growth scan at UIC, in which Veronica measured 4 pounds 11 ounces, I started going for twice weekly NSTs and BPPs with Dr. A. During my first one, everything was fine. I didn't write down the measurements that they said she was, but whatever. I went the next week and at the u/s ,the tech asked if I had any fluid issues. I told her at one point it was low, but she said that now it was high, and that she was weighing 3006 grams. (about 6 and a half pounds.) So of course, I freak out and want to talk to the doctor about it.

When I talked with Dr. A. about it, he said that there are so many things that could make the numbers off, and that she should be a bigger baby because of the diabetes. I was worried because that was the same size Nathaniel was when he was born! I don't want her to be a fat girl. all I know of life is being a fat girl and I don't want that for her.

Well, I went back the next week and my fluid was still high. But she is now headdown, which was surprising, since Nathaniel didn't do that until 38 weeks. Yeah, it's not comfortable, in case you're wondering. It, in fact, really fucking hurts. She also measured at 2948g, with a margin of error of 489g. That means she weighs between 5.5 and 7.7 pounds. Hopefully closer to the 5 than the 7, but at this point, it is what it is. I will be measured again this Saturday, and that should give me a good idea of what she'll weigh at birth. (I'll have one more other than this week before she's born.)

But I got some super good news today. I am officially done with bed rest! I will be full term on Friday (2 days) and the doctors won't do anything to stop labor, so it's all good to go. The c/s is scheduled for June 29th, which is just 16 days from now. I really can't wait for this part of mey life to be over. I want her to get here and be happy and healthy, whenever that might be in the next 16 days. So I think this is just about all. I know there's been a lot more, but I just can't think anymore and I am a bit tired.

Getting off bed rest makes me very happy, but now I have to work on building my stamina again. I haven't walked around in a long time, longer than a fwe minutes, so it's going to tkae a whiloe to get back there. I want to get up and walk as much as I can, so that after she's born, I can be up and around. Wish me luck!

36 Weeks- Honeydew

I promise to make an actual blog post sometime this next week. I have a lot that I need to get out of my head, and a lot that I want to remember later. (Like the worry about her coming early and how big she's going to be.) So until then, this will have to suffice- what's going on inside.

Your due date is just four weeks away. Hasn’t time flown? Your once-poppy seed would probably be able to breathe on his own if he was born right now. (If not, he’d probably need some TLC, but he’d likely be okay.) Most of his systems are in working order at 36 weeks. Since baby really could decide to make his arrival any day now, try to put in a little prep work. For example, if you took a child birth class a few months ago, you might want to reread any materials you were given and practice some of the breathing techniques you learned with your partner. Go over your plan for getting to the hospital, and all the what-ifs (like, if you go into labor while you’re at work, will you go home first or straight there?). You might also want to remind your boss and colleagues of the status of all your work projects, so they know exactly where to take over if you’re suddenly out of the office. Week 36 is also a good time to enjoy a date with your partner. We’re guessing you won’t be up for dancing, but a nice dinner might be just what you two could use.

Your baby's the size of a honeydew! She's still in the 17.2- to 18.7-inch and 4.2- to 5.8-pound range and continues to beef up.

your baby at 36 weeks She's getting closer and closer to being able to breathe on her own. Her skin is getting smooth and soft and her gums are rigid. Her liver and kidneys are in working order. Circulation and immune systems are basically good to go, too.

35 weeks- Coconut

Just gonna keep this simple, since I should have done this one 5 days ago. Here's what's supposed to be going on inside.

Growing, growing, growing. Yup, baby and you. You’ve reached 35 weeks, and your uterus has grown about 1,000 times its original size, a number that might sound exaggerated to everyone else -- but to you it probably feels more like a million. You can expect to gain about a half-pound a week before birth, and baby’s beefing up, too. At 35 weeks, some moms-to-be feel like they have a ton of stuff left to do before baby’s arrival. Others can barely wait for baby to make his debut. Either way, try not to stress. Baby will show up when he’s ready, and he won’t care if you haven’t checked every little detail off your list.

Your baby's the size of a coconut! He's about 17.2 to 18.7 inches. From here on out, he won't get much longer, but he's plumping up. He's now about 4.2 to 5.8 pounds, and he'll put on a pound or more of baby fat before birth.

your baby at 35 weeks Now, his hearing is fully developed, and he responds best to high-pitched noises. If it's a boy, his testes have probably fully descended.

34 weeks- Butternut Squash!

This has just been a long week! Quite stressful, too, at times. I wasn't feeling well on Tuesday, and Pat, Nathaniel and I went out for dinner at Vito and Nick's. Good pizza and we all ate the same things. Unfortunately, I went downhill pretty quick. I put N to bed around 9:30 (we got home late) and then I went to bed myself. I woke up about 10:30 with the most incredible stomach pains and tightening I have ever felt. I was hoping that it was just gas and went to the bathroom. My stomach was hurting more than I can describe, and I thought "Oh my God, I'm in labor." I sat for a few more minutes on the potty, and then my ass exploded. Even through that, my stomach was still tightened and hurting. Pat brought me a bucket and I started throwing up, just like I did when I was in labor with N. I was terrified!

I kept waiting for either more pain or some relief, and then finally some relief came. I had already thought in my mind how to get to Christ hospital, what to do with Nathaniel, calling my mom and my doctor, and all the possible outcomes. Fortunately, by 11:00 everything had calmed down and I was able to get back to bed.

The next day I had a doctor's appointment, so when I told Dr. A. what had happened, he said it sounded like some sort of bug. I was ok with that explanation... until they went to do the NST. The nurse had to keep moving my uterine monitor, which of course made me worry. My mom met me at the hospital, just in case I was admitted. I wasn't, obviously, but ti was nice to have that reassurance. Once the nurse got the monitors settled, there were no visible contractions noted. With a sigh of relief, they took me off the monitors about 25 minutes later. However, when Dr. A. came in to say goodbye, see you next week, he told me not to have any issues with pre-term labor this weekend because he would be out of town. That made me quite worried. as he ahs never said anything like that before. Then he told me that since another doc would be on call, they would send me to UIC. When the nurse came in with my referral for UIC (for my regular appts) she mentioned that this would cover me up to my post-partum appointment with them. Again I freaked. She said it was jsut a precaution, but twice in one day, and the day after I thought I was in labor? I am hoping that it was just a coincidence.

Thursday, I went to UIC for my regular check up and a growth scan. It was nice to see Veronica again, but I was worried that she was going to be huge. My sugar levels haven't been as tightly controlled as they were with Nathaniel, and I worry (already) about her being a fat girl. Well, the first thing the tech says to me is "She's going to be a big girl." Thanks so much for that. ARGH. Well, she weighs 4 pounds 11 ounces, which is perfect for 34 weeks. But, it would be big for 32 weeks, which is what that office thinks I am. Veronica does have chubby cheeks, and she will be bigger than N was, but she is gorgeous!!! We were able to see some hair on her head, and she has perfectly pouty lips. I get to see her again tomorrow, when I have my next u/s (BPP), and I am feeling pretty good today. Only 35 more days and she will be here!!!

Now, here's what's going on according to the bump. Make sure you read the last one. EWWW!!!!

Watch what you say! Your curious baby is listening in to your conversations at 34 weeks -- and might enjoy a lullaby or two -- so go ahead and sing to him. Some say that baby will recognize songs mom sings while he’s in the womb, and may even be more easily soothed by them if he’s used to them once he’s on the “outside.” At week 34, you might breathe a little easier, since baby may descend lower into your pelvis and give your lungs some space. (Ahh!) Of course, some babies don’t do this until the day they’re born, so we’re not making any guarantees. The pitfall of this descent, of course, is even more pressure on your bladder, so be prepared to make even more trips to the ladies room over the coming weeks.

Your baby's the size of a butternut squash! At less than two months to go, he weighs in at about 4.2 pounds to 5.8 pounds and measures about 17.2 to 18.7 inches.

your baby at 34 weeks He's recognizing and reacting to simple songs, if you're singing them. (If you're not, start! He may find them soothing after birth.) He's also urinating about a pint a day.

33 weeks- Durian Fruit

Nope, I don't know what the hell a durian fruit is. All I know is that it stinks to high heaven (explainng the gas lately) but is supposed to taste wonderful. I think 'll pass anyway.

It has been an eventful week. I went to see Dr. A. on Wednesday. I haven't seen him in quite a while, so it was nice to see him again. I talked with him for quite a while about what's been going on, and about my itchy spots, and about how much I hate the home health care place, and how badly I wanted to schedueld Veronica's c-section. Well, we took care of one of the three. Her c-section is scheduled for June 29th!!!! The day after Nathaniel's birthday. I was so relieved that I didn't have to reschedule his party and that I won't miss his birthday by being in the hospital. (It has been such a huge relief to know when my end date will be that my BP has even come back down a bit since then.) After I was done seeing him and had an NST, which the doc had to do himself because she was moving around so much, I went out and scheduled ALL my appointments until delivery day! I will go every Wednesday to see Dr. A. and then every Saturday to the hospital for a BPP and NST.

SO next week, I go to See Dr. A on Wednesday, UIC on Thursday, and then to the hospital on Saturday. I might only have to go to UIC one more time. What a relief that would be! I have 12 doctor appointments to go until she's born. Just 41 more days to go! I think we're pretty much ready. Nathaniel is sleeping in his own bed at night and his car seat is on the left side of the car now. I have to go get the infant carrier out of the basement and have Pat install it, but the crib is done and we have diapers and bottles (no formula yet, so I have to get some on payday).

I also went to school this week to pack up my classroom. (well, ok, my stuff.) It was nice to see everyone. One of my students saw me in the halyway and went back in the lunchroom and told them I was there. They started screaming! Appaerntly, I've been missed. It was also really good to get to talk to everyone again. But damn, did I come home exhausted! I took a nap when I got home, and then another short one after dinner. SLept all night that night and pretty much all morning Friday morning. Of course, Nathaniel chose Friday night to act like a 3 year old and be a stinker. It was rough, but we did get through it.

So anyway, here's what's going on this week. 41 more days to go.

We’d tell you to take a deep breath and relax, but it’s probably tough to do either of those at 33 weeks. It’s probably tough to be comfortable at all, since you might be feeling overheated on top of your other symptoms, too. But you’re probably getting super excited to meet baby, and we can’t blame you. Week 33 is a good time to make sure you have a safe car seat for baby -- go ahead and install it already. Sure, you might not see baby for another month, but if you have an early surprise arrival, that’s the one thing you really need to have ready.

Your baby's the size of a durian! He weighs about 4.2 to 5.8 pounds and measures about 17.2 to 18.7 inches. And he may grow up to a full inch this week -- amazing. >BR>
He's keeping his eyes open while awake. He's also starting to coordinate breathing with sucking and swallowing. His bones are hardening. And he going through (more) major brain development -- that's one smart baby!

Worst Mother's Day Ever

Today is Mother's Day, not that you'd know it in my house. Unless, of course, you look on the table to see the flowers I bought myself. Yes, I bought them for myself. Because Nathaniel doesn't have a job.

I reminded Pat and told him point blank that I would be pissed if there was no card or flowers for me this monring. That's all I wanted, a card and some flowers. I even told him which ones I wanted and where he could get them. But I didn't get anything but a half assed apology about how he was going to go to the store last night, but fell asleep.

No asshole, you went to bed. You got undressed, got into bed (before me) and we talked for a few minutes before we fell asleep. That is not an accidental fall asleep. He wasn't on the couch, he went to bed.

I woke up at 5 this morning, and Nathaniel woke up shortly thereafter, but who got to sleep in, just like every other weekend day? Yeah. You guessed it. So by 7:45 I was starving and so was Nathaniel. We usually go to breakfast on Sunday morning, so N went to wake up Pat. That's when he came out with that lame ass story. I was furious and have every fucking right to be. (This is not the first time it happened. Every birthday, anniversary and Mother's Day has been like this.) I got dressed while he went back to bed, and left. I cam back a few minutes later, and they were both dressed, and ready to go. (I came back because I was crying so hard and kept wiping my eyes that I ripped a contact.)

We get up to go and Pat decides to tell me that he was "hoping" to take his mom to breakfast. Normally, I wouldn't have cared, but I didn't get a card or anything, why should she? Yes, I know how stupid that sounds. So I picked up Nathaniel and he and I left, but not before I told Pat how hurt I was. He always forgets important days (you know, because they announced yesterday that today was Mother's Day.) He had the balls enough to be pissed at me! I have never let a day go by that he hasn't gotten a card (I mean, Father's day, birthdays, etc) and I was just so hurt that he didn't give a shit.

We went out for breakfast, just the two of us, with a bunch of people looking at me like I must be the biggest piece of shit on the planet. To be obviously pregnant, with an almost 3 year old and no wedding rings on (and more than obviously had been crying), well it was just uncomfortable. Then we went to Jewel to get some groceries.

Nathaniel was looking at the flowes when we drove by them (in the car cart) and picked some out for me. So of course I bought them, since he was so proud of picking them out. We got home, and I got even more pissed off. Pat was home and playing video games.

I have no idea if he took his mom to breakfast or not, but I do know that he didn't give enough of a damn to get me a card. We were gone for an hour and a half. We get home and I put the tulips frok Nathaniel in a vase, and Nathaniel yells at Pat' Look what I got for her." Again, he was so proud. Pat just said "That's nice."

Nothing else. Not an I'm sorry. Not an "I would've bought them for you." Nothing. I can't even try to describe how hurt I am. But hey, lucky me, next year it will hurt twice as much, when i have two kids. SOmething to look forward to, huh?

32 weeks- squash

Well, here we are at 32 weeks, still unscheduled for Veronica's arrival. I am seeing Dr. A next week, on Wednesday, and am really hoping that we will FINALLY get a date for the c-section. I am just so done and can't waait for it to be over. I know that around Christmas, when I am sleeping again, and not quite a functional zombie, that I may miss this time that I have... being the only one spending time with Veronica. But for right now, I am ready.

When I told this to the doctor on Wednesday, she told me I was too early to be done. I felt really defeated after that. I don't want Veronica to be born prematurely, but I am done, dammit, and to invalidate my feelings like that really just took a toll on me. I felt like shit the rest of the day and most of the day yesterday.

Here's the scary thing: in 5 short weeks, she will be full term. That's only 35 more days. I can wait another month, right? I think that once I have the "end date" set, I will feel more able to deal with the waiting time. Because, in all honesty, Dr. A. could look at me and tell me that because of XYZ, he's going to do the c/s at 37 weeks. If he tells me that nect week at the appointment, that will mean waiting just over 4 weeks. That's what keeps me going. Knowing that I have 7 weeks left at most.

SO here's what's going on inside this week.

At 32 weeks, baby’s birth still seems kind of far away, but you and baby are physically ready in a lot of ways, just in case there’s an early arrival. Baby may have turned so she’s in the head-down position by now, poised for her trip down the birth canal. And you may have noticed your nipples looking darker. That’s so a preemie can see them for breastfeeding -- isn't your body so amazing? Intensity might be building in the symptoms department, as heartburn and contractions intensify around week 32. But we’re guessing you’re so excited about baby’s impending arrival, they’re not slowing you down much.

Your baby's the size of a squash! Still growing, your baby weighs in at about 2.5 to 3.8 pounds and measures about 15.2 to 16.7 inches.

She's getting ready for her descent -- she's likely in the head-down position now. And she's probably feeling a even more cramped

31 weeks- Pineapple

Mmmmm. Pineapple. Nathaniel and I hacked one up late last week and promptly devoured it. It was sooooo good. We have 39 days to go until Veronica is full term, and I am hoping that we can make it that long. I had some swelling again last night and this morning, there was a small amount of protein in my pee.

My two wonderful friends, Katharine and Kris, are throwing me a baby shower on June 2nd. I am very excited but if I'm honest, I'm a little scared too. I am afraid that no one will show up. I know my mom will come, and Jess, but what if no one else does? I really do sit in fear of this happeneing. I really don't have a lot of friends, and I'm kind of embarassed by that. I am just not a social person. The invite list was about 8 family members, 10 co-workers (none of whom have called, stopped by, or even emailed to see how we're doing) and 1 friend, other than the hostesses. Looking at the list actually made me very depressed. I feel really alone and forgotten. And I hate feeling like this.

But here's what's going on inside this week, according to the bump.

Welcome to week 31. Can you believe all five of baby’s senses are fully developed? He also keeps getting smarter. That’s probably good to know, since you might actually feel a little dumb. You’re not! It’s just that many moms-to-be find themselves acting absentmindedly during the third trimester. Some say that “pregnancy brain” isn’t a proven physical ailment, but can you think of another time in your life when you’ve had more on your mind than now? We’re guessing no. That right there is enough of a reason to be so forgetful. From 31 weeks on, you’re bound to feel a lot of the same symptoms -- some may get worse, some may become bearable. And you might start to have more trouble getting around as you get heavier and feel more and more short of breath. Remember not to push yourself too much. It’s good for you and baby to get some exercise, but definitely take breaks to rest as much as you need.

Your baby's the size of a pineapple! He's about 15.2 to 16.7 inches long and weighs about 2.5 to 3.8 pounds this month. He's getting so big, he's probably crowding your lungs.

your baby at 31 weeks He's going through major brain and nerve development. Eye development, too. His irises now react to light! All five of his senses are in working order

So Disappointed

Today I went for my regular check up and NST at the doctor's office. I was really excited when I was on my way. I am 30 weeks, and have been waiting for this day to come. About 24 weeks ago, I asked the doctors when we could schedule my C-section. They told me they'd do it at 30 weeks. That was today's appointment, right?

Nope. Dr. C-B said we had to wait for Dr. A. to come back. He's out of town and won't be back until May 11th. That's the end of next week! SO it will be two weeks before I can schedule it.

No, in the long run, it's not going to make a difference when I scheduled it, whether it was during week 30, 32 or even 37. But I was so looking forward to having a date set. I needed that light at the end of the tunnel. This pregnancy has been so hard on me. I've been on bedrest for 5 weeks. Week 6 starts tomorrow and I really wanted to have some good news for once. I know that I should just be content with knowing that Veronica is healthy, but I really needed this today, and didn't get it.

30 weeks- cucumber

We've made it to 30 weeks. I am in shock still. 5 weeks ago, I didn't think we'd get here. Hell, three days ago, I didn't think we'd get here, but here we are, 75% done. SEVENTY-FIVE PER CENT. I don't think that there's anyone who can exactly relate to this feeling of accomplishemnt and overwhelming love unless they've had this scare. I'm speaking of course about the bed rest, the fear of having a micro-preemie and all the other fears that go along with that. But Veronica is doing incredibly well.

Yesterday, I had a growth scan done at UIC, to measure how big or small Veronica is, and to see if my diabetes was affecting her and how much. At 29 weeks, 6 days gestastion, she weighs 2 pounds, 13 ounces. To appreciate this fully, you have to know that at 30 weeks 1 day, Nathaniel measured 3 pounds exactly. So my overwall weight gain (which is a lot more than it was with N) hasn't had any negative effects on her.

I can't begin to describe how much I love this little girl. I don't think there are words for that. And even fewer for me, as I am no poet. I just hope that someday, she will know how much we love her and how mcuh we fought for her.

Here's what's going on inside this week, according to the bump.

At 30 weeks, your belly’s doing more than just making it tough to find a comfortable sleeping position. It’s made itself a conversation piece. Everywhere you go, someone seems to have a comment about your physical appearance, which isn’t always so fun. And no doubt, you’ve encountered quite a few people who don’t think before they speak and say something embarrassing or hurtful (what’s up with that?) Try not to take those comments seriously, but know which ones should be taken to heart. Like when they tell you you’re glowing, believe them! And take advantage of some of the perks (when someone offers you their seat on the train -- take it!) At week 30, your dreams might be getting even weirder -- if you’re actually sleeping, that is. That could be a result of anxiety, so consider doing some prep work to help you rest easier. One idea? Do a test drive to see exactly how long it really takes you to get to the hospital. Then maybe you’ll stop having nightmares about giving birth in your car.

Your baby's the size of a cucumber!

Your 15.2- to 16.7-inch, 2.5- to 3.8-pound baby continues to grow. your baby at 30 weeks

His skin is getting smoother. But his brain is getting wrinklier -- to make way for all that essential brain tissue. He's now strong enough to grasp a finger!

29 weeks- Acorn Squash

Holy shit!!! 10 weeks at most to go until she's here. I really feel like the time is going by fast. I also find it hard to believe that I've been on bed rest for a month already.

I am hoping for a delivery on June 25th, which would be 38 weeks and 3 days. It's a Monday, after Nathaniel's birthday party, and coincidentally, the exact same gestational day that N was born. I'd be home before his actual birthday, so I could spend it with him, which is quite importnant to me. I know he won't remember that I wasn't home (if I was at the hospital or whatever) but I'd know.

Anyway, here's what's going on inside this week.

You’re probably already getting a little preview of baby’s personality, the more your feel him move. You might get some playful kicks and jabs, and start to feel little hiccups, too! At 29 weeks, he’s not just moving a lot, he’s also plumping up. And as he continues to put pressure on your digestive system, you’re going to feel the effects: hemorrhoids, heartburn, pelvic pain and frequent urination are all common at this stage in the game. Week 29 is a good time to start finalizing stuff, like stocking the nursery with baby care essentials and checking out a few potential day cares. You’ll also want to start packing a few things you know you’ll want with you at the hospital at baby’s birth. Leave it by the door, so you can add stuff you think of along the way -- and so you can grab it at a moment’s notice.

Your baby's the size of an acorn squash!

Baby already measures about 15.2 to 16.7 inches long. Right now, we weighs about 2.5 to 3.8 pounds but he's still got a ways to go -- can you believe he'll triple in weight before birth?

your baby at 29 weeks

He's getting a little cramped in there, since he's growing so fast. But you probably already realize that, since you're getting all those jabs and kicks.

He's growing white fat deposits under his skin, and his energy is surging because of it. Feel a subtle twitch? It might be baby hiccupping

28 weeks- Rutabaga

I hate rutabagas. They taste awful! But I love this little one inside. Here's what's going on this week:



Welcome to the third trimester! Moms-to-be who are at 28 weeks and beyond are known for their lack of sleep. Remember if you find yourself up in the middle of the night, do something relaxing. This is not the time to vacuum the house from top to bottom -- even though you might feel the urge to do that at some point. Read a book, drink chamomile tea, listen to soothing music. Then try to get back to bed and get some rest! Being in the third trimester also means much of your and baby’s anatomy are ready to go -- she's prepping for breathing, and your breasts already have colostrum, which is what baby will eat the first few days until your milk comes in. You’ll also start feeling more Braxton Hicks contractions as your body gets ready for labor. Baby will keep getting bigger -- and smarter -- after week 28, and other than that, she just needs a few more finishing touches.


Your baby's the size of a rutabaga!

Putting on layers of fat, your baby now weighs in around 1.5 to 2.5 pounds and measures about 13.6 to 14.8 inches.

your baby at 28 weeks

She's starting to develop more fat, so her wrinkly skin will start to get smoother.
Her lungs are mature enough that she'd probably survive if she was born now. Wow!

27 weeks- cauliflower

I am just going to post what 's going on as far as development right now, because I have too much to do to have time for a good cry. I will post about that later though, after I get the house somewhat together for tomorrow (Easter).



At 27 weeks, baby is breathing (it’s amniotic fluid, not air, but it still counts) and even showing brain activity. You’ve got a lot on your brain, too, from wondering what labor and delivery is going to be like to trying to find the best pediatrician for baby. The annoying symptoms you’ve been having probably aren’t going away, but at least you’ve probably found some ways to deal with them -- and hey, maybe you’re used to them right now. As you say goodbye to the second trimester, you can look forward to some pretty embarrassing stuff (like having to pee all the time -- and maybe even when you don’t mean to at all) that’s all par for the late-pregnancy course. It’s time to head down the home stretch. Are you ready?

Your baby's the size of a cauliflower!

At 13.6 to 14.8 inches and 1.5 to 2.5 pounds, she's not just getting bigger, she's getting smarter.


your baby at 27 weeks

She's practicing inhaling and exhaling with her rapidly developing lungs.
It's official: Baby's showing brain activity! And her brain will keep on getting more complex

26 weeks- lettuce

Well, I have completed a week and a half of bed rest now, and my BP seems to be improving with the rest and medication. I fully hope to make it to 37 weeks now. 39 would be better, yes, but at least at 37 she'd be full term. My swelling is completely gone, and I have been monitoring my BP at home too. It runs right around 120/70, so that's much improved.

I went to UIC this week, and told the doc that I was on bedrest and meds for the blood pressure and she asked who put me on them. I told her it was Dr. A, and she said she had no idea that I was seeing another OB. What??? After a long conversation, I figured that had I been seeing her once every 6 weeks (like I should have been) then I would have two more weeks of sick time. I was furious. I had to keep seeing her twice a month because whoever entered my info in the computer (the info from the lost referrals, ironically) entered me as a total transfer of care. it says right on the ottom of the paper NOT a total transfer.

So I don't have to go back there for a month, and am very happy about that! When I do go back, I will get my first growth u/s, and find out just how big she is!

Here's what's going on inside this week, according to the bump.



Wow! Can you believe baby has eyelashes at 26 weeks? And she’s amping up to start batting them soon. At this point, it probably feels like this baby (who you haven’t even met yet) has taken over your life. She’s interfering with your sleep. She’s messing with your brain. (Forget much?) She might even be giving you a stress headache or two. It’s normal to be experiencing some mild swelling, but around week 26, it’s important to watch out for swelling severe or sudden -- it could be the sign of a dangerous condition called preeclampsia. Notice your belly occasionally feeling really tight? That’s a contraction. Yup, already. Don’t freak out though -- your body is just practicing some tightening in preparation for labor. As long as the contractions aren’t steady or severe, you’re not in labor.

Your baby's the size of a head of lettuce!

She's still growing in the 13.6- to 14.8-inch and 1.5- to 2.5-pound range, and developing her senses, features and talents!


your baby at 26 weeks

Her eyes are forming, and his eyes will soon start to open.
And her eyelashes are now grown, too.
She's getting her immune system ready for life on the outside by soaking up your antibodies.
She's taking breaths, too. They're of amniotic fluid, not air, but it's still good practice.

25 weeks- eggplant

Here's what's going on inside this week:



You’re 25 weeks pregnant and it’s probably dawned on you that soon you’ll actually have to deliver this baby. (A little scary, but exciting!) What’s cool is that most hospitals will let you preregister, which means you can put in your paperwork early, so the day you go into labor, you don’t have to stand around filling out a bunch of forms before you get admitted. Maybe you’re getting nervous about delivery, or maybe it’s your haywire hormones, but you might start to have trouble sleeping around week 25. This is a common complaint of many moms-to-be. Some people will tell you that’s just your body’s way of prepping you for sleepless nights with baby, but those comments won’t help you get the rest you need! Experiment with different strategies for getting some sleep. One idea is to drink extra water early in the day, so you can start tapering off your intake as you get closer to bedtime. That way, you might need less bathroom breaks during the night and can keep sleeping. After all, now that baby’s crowding your bladder, you’ve got to pee. A lot.


Your baby's the size of an eggplant!

During month six, the average fetus measures about 13.6 inches to 14.8 inches and weighs about 1.5 to 2.5 pounds.

your baby at 25 weeks

She's enjoying her new sense of equilibrium -- she now knows which way is up and which is down.
She's growing more fat and more hair too!

Top of the World to the bottom... and back?

This was a long week and for as many times that I thought about writing this, I just couldn't do it. I was far too scared to. I went Tuesday for my regular checkup with Dr. A. I told him that I was starting to have some swelling in my feet, which I didn't have with Nathaniel. Well, unfortunately, when they checked my BP, it was high. Combine that with the swelling and it gets scary. The swelling wasn't limited to my feet, as I had thought it was, but went pretty much up to my knees. He started talking about steroids to help the baby's lung development and hospitalization. I was told I would be on bedrest until Veronica is born. I burst into tears and told him I couldn't do that because we would lose our house. Dr. A. gave me a hug and said that he wasn't taking that lightly but there were other things I had to consider.

He told me that if I didn't, chances were good that not only would I lose Veronica, but Pat and Nathaniel as well... as in I would die. It definitely didn't make me stop crying, but it certainly does put things into perspective. I swore to always protect Nathaniel from whatever I could, and if that means sitting here for the next 3 months, then that's what I have to do.

I called in to work Tuesday night and told them I would be out the rest of the week, because at that point we were still hoping that the high BP reading was a fluke.

I had to go back in Wednesday morning for another BP check. It was 136/90. Much too high. I was sent to the lab for blood work and a 24 hour urine catch (to see if there was protein in my pee- and indicator of pre-E) and to the readiology department for a BPP to see how well Veronica is developing. I was also given a prescription for high blood pressure medication.

SO I went to the radiology department first, because that's usually the longest wait. I was right. I was there for about an hour total, but Veronica was moving and rolling all around, as usual. The tech said that everything was looking good, and showed me her foot, toes and one of her hands, which she said were huge with very long fingers. I wish I would've remembered to ask how big she was, and how much she weighed.

Next to the lab to have my blood drawn. I guess there's some level of chemicals that they can check for in the blood to see if your turning pre-eclamptic. Same with the pee.

After that, I got to leave. I drove to school, to say goodbye to my class and to let the boss know what was going to happen. When I got there, he had just opened his email (I emailed him the night before because I didn't want to talk about it. Well, more like I couldn't talk about it.) So I told him I'd be gone for the rest of the year. Then I went to say goodbye to my class.

I never expected the response I got from them. (Well, ok, most of them anyway.) They were separated. the boys were in the classroom with the sub they hate, and when I told them I wouldn't be back, one said "Ok, bye." but the rest were genuinely upset. While I was gathering some stuff from my desk, they made me a little poster and they all signed it. It was quite sweet. Then I headed to the library to say good bye to the girls. I told them and they started sobbing. I mean like opening weeping. I was so touched, but I told them that they could visit me in the fall and find me on facebook to get updates as to how I am doing. (By the time I got home, I had two friend requests. I am now up to 5.) I was really surprised at their reactions.

After that, it was on to Walgreens to get my meds and then home. I got a chance to nap for about 45 minutes, and then I had to go get Nathaniel. I talked with the director of his school about what options I have for reducing our tuition. She was very willing to work with us, and for that I am truly grateful. I can't keep him home, because there's no way that I could actually rest then. I want him to go to school so that he has normality and consistency, and will still have his friends and teachers. So she offered us 9 am to 2:30 pm for five days, which will save us about $100 a week. This way I can still rest and he can still have school.

Thursday I stayed in the chair pretty much all day, but the meds I am taking for the BP make me so doggone tired. I napped quite a bit, and then woke up to take my pee to the hospital. (I had inadvertently made asparagus for dinner Wednesday night, too bad for the person that opened up that jug!)

Friday morning, I dropped Nathaniel off at school adn went back in to the doctor. My blood pressure was high again, but my pee was negative for urine, which I was hoping meant that I could go home instead of being admitted to the hospital. I went into the room to wait for the doc and wait I did. They let me sit for a half hour. Then Dr. A. came in and took my BP again. 125/75. I knew then that I would be allowed to go back home to bedrest. My pee catch was negative for proteins and my blood work was fine. I told him that we had been able to work out some things financially so that I could stay at home, and I told him that I would do whatever I needed to in order to avoid being stuck in prison... I mean the hospital. (There would be no one to take care of Nathaniel.)

So now, I am at home hoping to make it 69 more days before Veronica is born. That would take me to 35 weeks. She would still be very early, but I'd rather then than earlier. 35 weeks would be June 1st. I would much rather go longer, but I will take what I am given. I want to make it to at least 30 weeks if possible. I don't want to have a micropreemie (she only weighs at most a pound and a half). I know that God won't give us more than we can handle, but I am just trying to process all this that's going on now. God willing, we make it to mid June or the end of it without incident.

So now, we wait.

24 weeks and viable

Today marks an incredible milestone in the pregnancy- viability day. That means if, God forbid, Veronica was to be born any time now, she would more than likely survive. I don't want to test that theory in any way, but it is a comfort to know this. And, in 13 short weeks, she will be full term. That's a day that seems so far away but right around the corner at the same time. Beleive me when I say I know how truly blessed I am. I get to feel her kick me and jump around in there all day and night. Even though it sometimes causes me pain, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am the luckiest person in the world.

So here's what's supposed to be going on inside this week, except I don't have to do the glucose tolerance test. No need to when I am already intolerant!

Drink up! Around 24 weeks, your doctor will order a Glucose Tolerance Test -- one of the more memorable prenatal tests -- to see if you’re at risk for gestational diabetes. Basically, the test is designed to see how your body processes sugar, so you’ll be asked to drink a cup of a sweet drink called Glucola (which reminded us of Gatorade) and then hang out for an hour. Once the hour is up, you’ll have your blood drawn and then it will be tested to see how your body has processed the sugar. You know what’s also sweet? Those movements and kicks you’ve been feeling. They seem to get stronger every week. At week 24, baby’s progress isn’t just about internal stuff, it’s about her looks too. With pinker, more opaque skin, she’s looking more and more, well, like a baby. You, on the other hand, are probably experiencing some of the discomforts of the later months of pregnancy at week 24 -- leg cramps, backaches, swollen feet. Hang in there, mama-to-be!

your baby's the size of a grapefruit!
Your 10.5-to-11.8-inch fetus weighs about 12.7 to 20.8 ounces and every week she gets closer and closer to being ready to survive (and thrive!) in the outside world.

your baby at 24 weeks
Her see-through skin is gradually becoming more opaque.
And it's got a new pink glow, thanks to the small capillaries that have recently formed.

Fetal Echocardiogram

So today we went to UIC for the baby's fetal echocardiogram. (An ultrasound of her heart to make sure it's developing properly.) Once again, they didn't have/couldn't find my referral. Thankfully I now carry it with me.

Anyway, my appointment was for 8:45 this morning. I was called back at 8:40 and then sat in the room until 9:23, when the doctor finally came in. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate going to UIC? So I spent the required 3 minutes with her, most of it her saying that no one told her I was there, and that the ultrasound techs had been looking for me, and then we were done.

So on we went to get the ultrasound. Baby girl was very uncooperative, which didn't surprise me one bit. She was quite active from 8:45 to 9:30, but I guess she got tired of waiting too. After some jiggling and gentle prodding, though, the tech was able to get all the measurements she needed. I waited for a few minutes for the pediatric cardiologist to look at the pictures. And then he came in the room.

"Her heart is perfect!" was all I heard. I started crying. He explained why they did the tests, as if I didn't already know, and I said "I know, I had one when I was pregnant with my son." Then he got on me about taking care of my diabetes when I wasn't pregnant and told me to lose weight. Because, yeah, it's just that easy.

He recommended South Beach for me. Wait, what? Weren't you here just to tell me that my baby girl's heart is fine? Yeah, so that was a fun lecture. I tried to explain to him that my primary doc doesn't really give a shit, because after 9 months of me telling her that my medication wasn't working she still wanteed to try the same thing.

I think after the baby is born, I will be looking for a new doctor. The cardiologist pretty much convinced me of that.

But all in all, her heart is great and I am thrilled. Pat was quite happy too, even though he couldn't go with. And I made it to work in time... which is amazing considering that I wasted 45 minutes in the office.

Have I mentioned how much I hate going there? I thought maybe I had...

23 Weeks- Pomegranate

I went to a kids resale this weekend and got a lot of clothing for Veronica. Newborn up to 18 months, so I am feeling a little more prepared. I would like to have some more newborn stuff, but I will wait until I've had our first growth scan (around 30 weeks) to see how big they project her to be before buying more in a particular size.

I also go for our fetal echocardiogram tomorrow morning (Tuesday, as I am really late putting this entry up)and will probably write more about that and everything else that's floating around in my head after that is over. Some of it is just not pleasant and I am really trying to stay positive today, but it is really fucking hard for me today.

But on to my baby girl.

I don't know where the people who created this chart shop. I have never seen a pomegranate that was bigger than a canteloupe. And next week is a grapefruit? Really? I'd like to find this produce store... But here's what's going on developmentally, according to thebump.com

At 23 weeks, baby’s really getting ready for her big debut, listening in on what’s going on in the outside world. And you’re getting ready too. Just remember: While having the nursery painted and stocking it with diapers is important, there are some other pressing things you should have on your radar. Namely, financials. Around week 23 is a good time to call your and your partner’s insurance agent to check how you’re currently covered and decide what adjustments you’ll want to make for baby. You might also want to start thinking about writing a will, if you don’t have one, or updating your current one. How’s baby’s savings account going? If you’re like, “what savings account?” that’s okay. But decide whether or not you want to start one for her. One study found that kids who have their own savings account are more likely to go to college, and another one estimated the average cost of raising a baby until age 18 to be over $226,000. Whoa!

your baby's the size of a pomegranate!
At about 10.5 to 11.8 inches and about 12.7 to 20.8 ounces, baby's not just getting bigger, she's getting even cuter.


your baby at 23 weeks
She's forming little nipples (yeah, really!)
Her face is fully formed now -- she just needs a little extra fat to fill it out.
She's listening to your voice and your heartbeat -- and even to loud sounds like cars honking and dogs barking.

22 weeks- Papaya

I am battling a sore throat and wicked cough, shared oh so lovingly from my angel boy who was home sick a few days this week. If I wasn't pregnant, I would've downed some dayQuil to get through the day, but I can't do that right now. I have no idea what I can take that is safe, so I am just miserable. However, hitting 22 weeks mean 2 things: 1) only 2 weeks until her viability day. That means if, God forbid, she was to be born, she'd have a better chance at living than not living. 2)Only 17 weeks max to go. Oh, that sounds nice.

I have just started the 6th month, and I am so ready to be done. But here's what's going on now.

During week 22, baby’s invading your space, which is why it might be tough to catch your breath and why your back might be killing you. Hey, as she grows, she may be expanding your belly so much (so fast) that you might have some stretch marks -- and you might even have a newfound “outtie”! What’s not so cool is that the stretch marks may never fade, but we promise they’ll fade in color after delivery. And your outtie will go back to an innie, we promise. As for sex, all these body changes, along with another fun one -- discharge! -- might be messing with your mojo, but some moms-to-be actually find they have an increase in libido around 22 weeks. That’s because your hormones are pretty much raging at this point. This is also a good time to schedule a maternity portrait session. You’ll want to aim for the third trimester -- but not so late that you risk going into labor before your appointment.

your baby's the size of a papaya!
During month five, the average fetus measures about 10.5 to 11.8 inches and weighs about 12.7 to 20.8 ounces.

your baby at 22 weeks
Now that he's got more developed eyes and lips, he's looking even more like a newborn.
He's sleeping in cycles -- about 12 to 14 hours per day (hint: they're probably those times you're not feeling any kicks!).

People Suck

I know the old expression about people and their opinions. It's just so true. Everyone does have one, and they usually stink.

I was expressing to my friends today about my poor boy being sick again. It sucks, but what can you do? It's not like I can pull him out of the petri dish known as day care. I can't stay home with him all the time, much as I'd like to. There is nothing wrong with a two year old that gets sick twice in four months. He has a high fever yes. But I trust that the doctor knows what he is doing. (And I take that knowing that doctors "practice" medicine.)

But who the fuck are you to tell me that my son needs more tests done? I thought that asshole who assumed there was something wrong with him was dead. Just because you took classes to become a CNA does NOT mean that you can diagnose my child nor does it mean that you have the medical training necessary to determine that more tests need to be done.

I'm glad that your kid wasn't that sick when he was two. Did it ever occur to you that it might be because your parents were taking care of him and he wasn't in day care? Must be nice to have gotten knocked up when you were a teenager and since you were so incredibly incapable of taking care of your responsibilities and going to school you left your biggest responsibility to someone else! I don't have that luxury. Pat and I work damn hard for what we have, and Nathaniel is OUR responsibility and it is our JOY to care for him. Unfortunately, that means he has to go to day care, which is, by the way, a place that he LOVES to go. He loves his teachers and they love him and he loves his friends. He is a great kid and I know that I won't be bitching about how terrible he is and how he won't listen to me when he's 9, 10, and 11.

I never judged a person for getting pregnant so young, but honey, now you've earned it.

I thank God and the creator of facebook for the "unfriend" button. It worked wonders for me today.

21 Weeks- Banana

I don't have much to say this week, but here's what's going on inside, according to the bump.



Pressure’s on. Have you found the perfect baby name yet? It seems like parents-to-be either come up with baby’s name quickly and easily, or agonize over it all the way up until the birth. Either way, once you find one that seems perfect, you’ll probably think it’s even more perfect once you get to know (and fall in love with) the little bundle of joy who’ll go by it. At 21 weeks, not only are you likely to be looking anywhere and everywhere for baby name ideas, but you might be getting a sneak preview of some third trimester symptoms, such as leaky boobs, Braxton Hicks contractions and heartburn. While your body preps for baby’s arrival, you’re probably hard at work getting your home ready too. Of course, things like baby bouncers and changing table pads can be tough to choose from, but try not to stress. Baby won’t care if you pick out a playard that clashes with the area rug.

your baby's the size of a banana!

At 10.5 inches and about 12.2 ounces, she's big enough now that you've probably been feeling her movements.


your baby at 21 weeks

As her digestive system preps for the outside world, she's manufacturing meconium -- the tarry black substance you'll find in her first dirty diaper (ew)!
If it's a girl, she's already got a lifetime's supply of eggs in her womb -- about six million of them!

Had My Anatomy Scan Today

I have been so very nervous about this day. For the past 16 weeks, I have done everything I could to keep my blood sugar under control, so that my daughter will be healthy. However, there was nothing I could do about before I knew I was pregnant. I knew the risks before I got pregnant. Heart defects, birth defects, kidney malfunctions, etc., etc., etc. There were too many things to even think about.

So needless to say, I knew it was going to be a long day.

I got to the doctor's ofice (at UIC) and waited for them to tell me that I had to register because they couldn't find my referral. Didn't happen. However, i beat Pat and Nathaniel there by a few minutes, so I waited for them instead. I needed to have them both there for support, should they find somehting wrong. They showed up just as I was being called back.

I was taken to one of the regular rooms, not an ultrasound room. When I mentioned to the nurse that my appointment with Dr. A was at 2, not 1, she said, well, she'll just see you first and then they'll call you for your ultrasound. (I really hate UIC.) So I hd my appointment, which, to no one's surprise, was about 15 seconds long. Your sugars are fine. See you in two weeks. I told her that I would be back in 2 1/2, when we have our fetal echocardiogram, so she at least let me make an appointment for then.

We were on our way back to the waiting room for the u/s when the techs found us and we were escorted inside. I was getting even more nervous, because it's just what I do. Pat was pretty nervous too, but my rock is always so outwardly calm. I am ever so grateful for that!

Anyway, long story short, she is perfect! Her heart, kidneys, brain, length... everything was normal and healthy looking. They took well over 100 pictures and had me turn to my right and left. I was just so relieved that I was crying. I don't hink that surprised anyone either. At one point, Nathaniel asked if I was crying. I admitted that I was. I couldn't help myself.

There were points that we were laughing though. Veronica is just like her big brother. They both have tiny heads. They both were laying across my belly, facing my back. And, they boht like to lie there with their arm up next to their heads. Pat and I just couldn't get over that.

Tomorrow is the official update day, but I was set at ease today, and needed to share.

Pinterest

Because apparently I have some time on my hands, I have joined Pinterest. I am finding a lot of cool things on there. Some yummy looking stuff to make and eat. Some new ideas for use in the classroom. I've been pinning places that I'd like to go some day. (but probably never will.)

It's fascinating to see what you can find out there on the webs.

However, I don't find that there's a whole lot that I can contribute to the pinning community. Maybe I am just as big a loser as I've been feeling lately. I am fairly certain that these feelings are temporary, but right now they just suck.

It started a few days ago when I was listening to the radio and they were having a contest to win a trip to Mexico. You had to explain why you are such an interesting person. I had to think really long and hard about that. I think the only thing that makes me interesting is that I am so incredibly UN-interesting.

To try to get myself out of this funk, I tried to complete another one of my 101 things to do- list 10 things I love about myself. I couldn't do it. (And to be fair, I have a hard time concentrating on anything at the moment. It's frustrating to watch TV because that can't even hold my interest long.)

I thought about starting my list of 100 things that make me happy... but I can't do that one right now either. I could list 100s of things about Nathaniel and Pat that make me happy, but I want to find other things. I don't think that I've got enough in me to find those 100 things. It would probably be really easy to do the 100 things that piss me off list, though!!!

So, what can I do to change this attitude? I created a board on pinterest called "After." It for inspiring me to get healthy after I have the baby (whose name is Veronica Lynn, by the way). I plan to start September 1st, come Hell or high water. I figure that will give me 2 months to heal after the surgery, and then no excuses. Nathaniel will be in school and Veronica will be at Joan's house, so I will start slow and easy- walking after school three times a week.

I have found some exericises to do that look simple enough to do and only take a few minutes. I am hoping to have some success that will inspire me to have some more success.

Wish me luck as I add to my boards.

Sick of Eating Eggs

So, every morning since the beginning of November, I have had eggs for breakfast. Why? you may ask. Because they don't drive up my blood sugar. (Insulin resistance during pregnancy is hardest to control in the morning, due to the build up of hormones whilst sleeping.)

I am so sick and tired of eating eggs. I swear to God that after this baby is born, it will be a long damn time before I eat them again. Now, obviously it's not the only thing that I can eat. It's just that they're quick, easy and cheap. Plus, I can share them with Nathaniel, so he has a little bit to eat before he goes to school. (He does eat breafast there.)

I really need to find some low carb options for breakfast that doesn't include cheeseburgers. Or fruit. Because sadly, fruit will raise my sugars too high.

As I sit here typing this, I am reminded that I made a huge crock pot of chili last night. I guess I could have a bowl of that for breakfast. I am trying my best to eat healthily, but it doesn't always work out that way.

And speaking of not healthy, we went out for breakfast as we normally do on Sunday mornings. I normally get the Denver omlette with cheese. But I just couldn't do the eggs. (It even made me a little sick to look at Pat's plate of eggs.) I ordered strawberry crepes. They were probably some of the worst crepes I have ever had, but OMG did they taste good!!!

Anyway, off to find some news ideas for breakfast.

20 weeks- Cantaloupe- halfway there!!!!

Bon Jovi is running through my head right now. "Whoa, we're halfway there, whoa-oh! Living on a prayer!" I can't beleive that it's half done. I have at most 19 weeks to go (only 19 because I'll have a repeat c-section no later than 39 weeks.) I am just so amazed at how time seems to be flying. My little girl will be here before I know it.

So here's what is going on this week:

Congrats! You almost reached the halfway point. Making it to 20 weeks probably feels pretty darn good. After all, your energy’s high and as long as your partner is up for it, things are probably happening between the sheets. Of course, it wouldn’t be pregnancy if you weren’t experiencing some annoying symptoms. Right now, it’s likely swelling, heartburn and leg cramps, but all of that probably feels insignificant now that you’ve got ultrasound photos of your rapidly developing baby. How cute is that nose? If you found out baby’s sex, you’re in a completely new mindset, are we right? Now, those baby names you’re throwing out are more likely to end up as baby’s, and when you find yourself in a baby store, those little blue or pink outfits aren’t just adorable, they’re must-haves. And since now you can add clothes and other boyish or girlish things to your wish list, week 20 is the time you probably want to start putting together your baby registry too. Happy shopping!

your baby's the size of a cantaloupe!
Baby weighs about 10.2 ounces and measures about 6.5 inches. She's still got a lot of growing to do though. Can you believe you're halfway done?

your baby at 20 weeks
She's got working taste buds.
Now, she's gulping down several ounces of amniotic fluid each day -- that's significantly more than before.

19 weeks- Mango!

Had two good appointments this week, on with Dr. A at his new office, and one with Dr. A at UIC. I hate going there. I mean seriously, how many times are they going to lose the referral? Cuz they did again. That, and I drive 2 1/2 hours round trip, wait in the waiting room for 40 minutes, and then see the doctor for 5 minutes. Literally only 5 minutes. It's fricking ridiculous. But I will do what I have to do to keep this baby girl safe.

Here's what's going on inside, according to the bump.

At 19 weeks, you’re probably getting psyched for your mid-pregnancy ultrasound. Most parents-to-be think of this test as the chance they get to find out baby’s sex. But you actually will see a lot more than baby’s boy or girl parts. The ultrasound technician will scan pretty much scan all of baby’s body to make sure everything’s developing properly. Don’t leave the place without getting some printouts from the scan to take home with you and show off. Of course, going in for your test isn’t the only thing you should be planning ahead for around week 19, you should also probably start the search for a pediatrician. Start by asking some family and friends for recommendations and then make a few appointments to meet with the docs. So what do you think it is -- a boy or a girl?

your baby's the size of a mango!
At about 6.0 inches long and weighing in at about 8.5 ounces, she's getting there!

your baby at 19 weeks
Developing a protective coating over her skin, called vernix caseosa. It's greasy and white and you may see some of it at her birth.
Working on her five senses. Nerve cells for her sense of taste, hearing, sight and smell are developing in her brain

We're having a....

Well, now that my whole family knows, I can say it here, too. We're having a GIRL!!!!! I have already been shopping for a few things. You know, like her Christmas dress. What do you mean it's only February? Yeah, I love to shop the clearance sales.



This gorgeous dress was originally $54.00. After the markdowns and 15% discount, I got it for $9. Not too shabby, huh?

So, yeah, I have been having some fun.

I was a bit shocked though when the tech said that it was a girl. I don't think I fully believed it. Pat was quiet for a minute, but he is happy. My mom was with us too when we found out. She is thrilled.

I was the one who took the longest to let it sink in. It will all be good though.

18 weeks- Sweet Potato

Gonna be lazy this week, until tomorrow that is! Here's what's going on.

What the heck is baby doing in there at 18 weeks? A lot! He’s working his muscles and practicing all kinds of moves. (Can you feel them yet?) Over the next few weeks, you should make sure to start sleeping on your side. That’s because baby (and your uterus) are getting big enough to press against large veins in the back of your abdomen, which can reduce the amount of blood going to your heart, making you feel lightheaded, or worse, lowering your blood pressure. Of course, your veins aren’t the only things that are prone to pressure -- you might be too! Not only are you super busy, but you might be having some not-so-fun symptoms, like swollen feet or hands, backaches, leg cramps and nosebleeds. And the stress and discomfort might be keeping you up at night around week 18. Be sure, in your hectic schedule, that you plan some time to unwind. (Great excuse for some pregnancy pampering! Can you say prenatal massage?!) It’s important to give your body and your mind a break for a little while. That just might help you get the sleep you need, too.

your baby's the size of a sweet potato!
She's about 5.6 inches long and about 6.7 ounces now and she keeps on growing rapidly. (That's why you're probably feeling so hungry.)

your baby at 18 weeks
Can you believe she's yawning, hiccuping, sucking and swallowing?
And she's twisting, rolling, punching and kicking, too -- and she's big enough that you might be able to feel her doing it!

Just Chillin'

I am just sitting here, in my living room, thankful to be home. I get to spend the afternoon and early evenings with one of the coolest people on the planet, my son. To think that just by playing with him, I am shaping him into the man he will be in the future makes my heart sing.

I'm not saying that I don't get tired of playing the same games over and over, and I can't lie and say that I don't get frustrated with him at times, but I am just so happy that I get to be with him.

All his new accomplishments are incredible. We get to talk about his day, what he did in school, and if he was naughty or not. ("I not naughty Momma" I hear every day.) I tend to believe him on that.

I know that my time for enjoying this kind of evening is limited, and that makes me sad. I know that it will take a while before we settle into our new routine. I just hope that we all make it through unscathed.

Now, that said, I have to type this out. I have a secret. On Saturday, Pat and I are going for an elective ultrasound called a "gender peek." Yes, instead of waiting until Feb, 23rd, we're going to find out Saturday!!! But, just as awesome, we invitrd my mom, but haven't told her where we're going or why! (So if you read this please don't say anything to her. I want her to be completely surprised.) So, look for a gender reveal entry this week along with a week 18 update.

And one more thing... this baby is a-rockin' and a-rollin' in there!

A Half Day Off

So yesterday, Pat decides that he's going to take his Mom and Nathaniel to see (meet) his Uncle Jack, who lives on the north side. They left a little after 1, and it's now after 5. I've had the whole afternoon to myself, and I've done NOTHING!

And it was great.

Actually, I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, went to Target and looked at some more baby stuff, and then got some lunch. Came back home and ate, then took a nice, long, hot shower. It was probably one of the best showers I've had in the last three years.

I am going to miss free time. Come the end of June, it will be a long time until i have time to myself again. What, another three years? I know it won't be that long, but it will feel like it.

Unlike a lot of women, I hated the newborn phase. I had a really hard time with everything. I am hopeful that it won't be like it this time, since I know a little more about what to exoect, and I know what to look for in post-partum depression.

I had it bad with Nathaniel and hid it well. Very well apparently. Only Pat really knew, because I couldn't hide it from him.

So I guess I had better do something more constructive with the time I've got left. There's a whole list of things I want to do before the baby is born, but I am not sure how much of it will get done. Once I am off school, I will have more time to take care of these things. Nathaniel will be in school three days a week, but at least two of these days I will be at the doctor.

I know it will all work out in the end, but only if I work at it.

17 weeks- onion (a day early)

OK, so I am a day early in posting this, but I've had two doctor appointments this week, and needed to write what happened at the appointments. So, First, I saw Dr. C-B. I was quite worried, since I get "the Crazies" before every appt. She had to search for a while to find the baby's ehartbeat, but she found it and it was in the 150's. Excellent. We also talked about DECREASING my midday insulin, since I keep crashing in the afternoons. I mean, I am eating three to four snacks in the afternoon and my blood sugar won't come up over 70. So, that was good.

We also discussed wehn we would be scheduling the C-section. She said 39 weeeks. I told her that I meant at what appointment, and she said 30 weeks. So, just 13 more weeks until I find out when my baby will be born. So that was kinda cool.

Today I went to UIC and saw Dr. S. Well, first I saw the midwife and her student. Very nice. I spent more time with them than I did with the doctor. (I actually hate that.) But I got the results from our genetic testing. A 37 year old woman in good health has a risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome of 1 in 100. My risk was 1 in 4,500!!! I was ecstatic! Also, there was no signs of any chromosomal defects and all other bloodwork and stuff was great. I was so very relieved. Especially since I had been waiting for 3 weeks to find out. My fundal height was 17cm. (It is supposed to grow 1 cm a week, so it showed that I am 17 weeks pregnant.) The student found the heartbeat (a lot quicker than the doc the day before) and it was 147 and had perfect accelerations as the baby moved.

The doctor also decided to move up our anatomy scan to Feb. 23rd, instead of March 1st, so that was good. It will coincide with my doctor appointments better.

So here is the info on what's going on inside, according to the bump:

Try not to get freaked out by the numbers on your scale. At 17 weeks, baby’s working on getting stronger, and your body’s working on getting bigger. That means putting on some pounds and -- we hate to break it to you -- getting some stretch marks. Make sure you document your growing bump by taking lots of photos. Sure, you might not always feel so pretty, but one day you’re going to look back at pregnancy and reminisce (really -- we promise). You’ll also want to start figuring out some plans, like whether or not you’re going to find out baby’s gender (you should be able to soon!), and what kind of childbirth class you’d like to take. As you start making these decisions, the pregnancy will feel even more real, which is probably super exciting, but part of you is probably feeling a little nervous. After all, you’re at week 17; that’s almost halfway there and there’s still a lot left to do. Chill! You’ll get it done. Just remember not to try to do it all yourself -- ask for help!

your baby's the size of an onion!
Baby continues to beef up. Now she's about 5.1 inches long and weighs about 5.9 ounces.

your baby at 17 weeks
Her rubbery cartilage is now turning to bone.
And she's growing some meat on those bones -- putting on some fat.
She's growing a stronger, thicker umbilical cord, too.

The Simple Things

I am sitting here at home with the flu. After puking in a parking lot (a few times) last night and then running to that bathroom this morning, I knew it wasn't a return of the morning sickness.

I am feeling better now though, after watching Little House on the Prairie and then a good nap. I am even able to keep some food down, which makes me happy.

So on to these little things. I decided to make myself some lunch. I didn't really want anything in particular, so I went to the kitchen to see what we had. Peanut butter and jelly.

Is there anything better than a yummy PB+J? Especially when you're the first to dip into a brand new jar? Oh, it was just delicious! If I could, I would totally eat another one.

And other little things that are awesome... Nathaniel has decided that he loeves to watch Bugs Bunny. It just makes me smile. Sunday morning, he crawled into bed with me and Pat and watched Looney Tunes. So reminded me of my own childhood. Crawling in bed with mom and dad on a Sunday. Thank goodness that they had a king size bed!

Pat and are I going to have to save up for one. Fitting Nathaniel in bed with us is one thing, but having two jump on you is going to get tight!

At A Loss

I am just floundering here, at best. I just don't know how we are going to make it. I'm talking financially. Our mortgage payment has increased by $500 a month. Or, we can pay a $2800 deficit for our escrow (damn taxes) and then we'll only have to pay an dditional $200 a month for the mortgage. OK, we could swing that for the next few months, if we absolutely scrimp and save. (Or stop going out to eat.) But after the baby is born, I don't know how we'll make it.

Pat has cut down our cell phone plan to 700 minutes a month. That will be more than enough, considering we use around 350 a month between the two of us. We'll have to cut our tv service too, but not just yet. I am already shopping at Aldi for groceries. $50 a week.

I guess the only thing left to do is to pay just the minimum on our credit cards for the next 3 years or so, until we're done paying for daycare for two. I also think that next summer, Nathaniel will just have to stay at home with me. I am sending him to school 3 days a week this summer so thaqt his life will have some consistency, but honestly, so that I can sleep some time too. I keep freaking out about going through that new born stage again, but this time I have three people to take care of instead of just baby and me.

With Pat going to be gone all night every night, it's going to be even harder. I can't imagine how bad it's going to be once I go back to school in the fall. I keep having visions of my principal walking in my classroom to find me asleep at my desk.

I know we'll figure out a way to make this work, but I really feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and only my shoulders right now. Maybe Pat is just as worried about it as I am, but he doesn't pay any of the bills, so I don't think he even knows what's going on.

I have asked him for two months to go to the bank and get the money for the escrow. Still waiting. It was the cause of a huge fight yesterday. And I mean huge. But that was then, and this is now.

So this is just all over the place, but it does explain why I am not sleeping anymore. I hate that. I know that once we get our tax refund, we'll be in a much better position, but that seems like quite a ways away yet. I mean, I don't even have my w2's.

We'll get there eventually. Right now, I just can't see how.

My belly picture

I forgot to put this in my earlier entry. Here is a picture of me from Sunday, at 15 weeks 2 days.



By contrast, this is a picture of me when I was about 5 1/2 MONTHS pregnant with Nathaniel.



I laugh at the second picture because I was still able to fit into my regular pants, I just left them unbuttoned and unzipped and used a belly band. I did that for about 4 weeks with this one. The differences in these pregnancies just amaze me.

Avocado 16 weeks

Can I just say I hate avocados? Yuck. Slimy, nasty, baby shit green things. But this one, I love. I think I felt the baby kick me yesterday afternoon. I was getting hungry and talking with a colleague when there was a definite jump in my tummy. It was awesome. I didn't feel Nathaniel until after 20 weeks. I have heard that second timers feel everything earlier, because you are able to recognize it for what it is, so I am thinking I'm right.

In 28 days, I will be halfway through this final pregnancy. Actually, more than halfway, since I will have a repeat C-section before 39 weeks. Scary!!! No appointments this past week, or the week before, so it's been kinda nice. I do have two next week though. One with Dr. C-B at the regular OB's office and one at UIC. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate going there? I should get the results from my NT scan though. I am assuming that if they haven't called with any news on that, then they can't be that bad, right?

What's going on in there:
Stay on the lookout for some fluttering sensations in your abdomen. It might not be right at 16 weeks, but pretty soon you’ll start feeling baby moving around in there. At first those moves might feel like gas or a muscle twitch, but over time, as baby gets bigger and stronger, they’ll be unmistakable. Of course, feeling those movements comes with other issues, like having your lungs crowded by your growing babe. That could make it seem tough to catch your breath from time to time. Don’t worry: There are some positive symptoms you might be having at week 16. For example, some moms-to-be find their hair and nails grow faster. (Your hair might actually look thicker and more lustrous and your skin might look radiant, too. Woo hoo!) Another cool fact? Baby’s starting to be able to hear your voice -- and she’ll recognize it at birth -- so feel free to chat her up.

your baby's the size of an avocado!
Now, she's about 4.6 inches long and weighs about 3.5 ounces, and she's big enough that your doctor may be able to hear her heartbeat.

your baby at 16 weeks
She's listening to your voice, thanks to tiny bones forming in her ears.
She's growing hair, lashes and eyebrows.
And she's forming taste buds.